


Eternity

by AloneShadow



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU... but not really?, Afterlife, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Angels vs. Demons, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Falling In Love, Feels, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Guardian Angels, Hurt Leonard McCoy, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Married Couple, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Modern Setting, Not Betaed, Oh My God, Plot Twists, Sexy Times, Slow Burn, The Author Regrets Nothing, This trope was just a matter of time, You Thought!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-01-23 13:11:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 80,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21320725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AloneShadow/pseuds/AloneShadow
Summary: “I guess I have all the time of the world now,” he sighed. “Wait a second… If I’m dead, how can I help anybody?”“Becoming a guardian angel, you will be able to.”“A what?”“A guardian angel. Never heard of it?”
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Hikaru Sulu
Comments: 91
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have to admit, the "guardian angels AU" has been stuck in my brain for a long time, but I never managed to use it for any of my ships until this story started to form.  
Half of the story is done, 5 chapters so far, and also I know the ending, just need to fill the rest.  
Hope y'all will enjoy it.  
(Also, apologies if the Leonard/Hikaru ship will be somehow off-character, but writing about these two is new to me. It was kinda hard to make them sail lol)

“Yes, he’s here. Yes… Yes, I know. I’ll take care of it.” 

_Who…?_

“No, I told I can- I won’t. I promise.” 

He woke up with a gasp, flinching and sitting on the chair that his hands grasped for dear life- and the female voice he was hearing finally found a face. 

The woman was sitting on a stool in front of him, barely a step away; she had long black hair, dark skin and eyes, in contrast with the blue, elegant suit she was wearing, the short skirt leaving her leg exposed from above the knee. “I have to go now, he’s awake. Talk to you later.” That said, she lowered her cellphone, keeping it in hand. “James Kirk?” 

Breathing hard, with his heart racing, he didn’t let go of the chair but nodded slightly. 

“It’s ok. There’s nothing to be scared of.” She said with a calm smile. “So, James, are you feeling?” 

He swallowed down, blinking fast and looking into the thick darkness around them. “What…? Who…?” 

“I’m sorry. Let me introduce myself. I’m Nyota. Nice to meet you.” She said and smiled patiently as he just kept staring with eyes wide open. “Are you ok with the darkness or you would prefer something more- bright?” 

“T-that’s not the problem right now.” He said trying to sit more straight- to pull himself together, but his voice was shaking. “Where am I? How- how did I get here?” 

“Are you sure you don’t know that already?” 

“What you mean _am I sure_? I was-“ He suddenly stopped, lost in the memories that started coming back. 

Nyota gave him a moment. “Do you remember now?” 

“I…” he looked down, confused, touching the green plaid shirt he was wearing on top of the t-shirt: he could remember seeing blood on them, and on his jeans, but there was none at the moment. “That car… I got an accident?” He asked, voice weak, and she politely nodded. “This- is this a hospital?” 

“I’m afraid it’s not.” 

“Then what-“ He stared at the darkness again, and fear started to creep on him. “What the hell happened to me?”

“I’m sorry, James. The accident you had… It was more severe than you remember.” 

“But-no… No, the car was far enough. I-” He insisted, but then the memory of the impact hit him as if it happened just then, and he flinched back against the chair. “No… No, it can’t be… Am I-? Are you telling me that I’m dead?” he continued and when she nodded, he almost laughed, “This is- this must be a joke. Very funny.” 

“Why would I joke about such a thing?” 

“Because it’s impossible! I was going to take a coffee just a second ago, I can’t be dead!” He yelled again, but, in the end, as she just kept staring calmly at him, he shook his head and dropped it into his hands. 

“You remember also those details. Most of the people don’t...” 

“And that should be comforting right now?!” He yelled.

“W-well, I saw people that arrived here not even remembering their own name.”

Jim studied her with a nervous glare, “Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?” 

“I- I’m sorry.” She murmured, looking down again. 

Jim shook his head and stood up, slowly moving around the chair, staring into the darkness.

There was a long moment of silence until Nyota asked, “May I suggest a better scenario than this darkness?” 

“What you mean a better scenario?” He barked, and blinked in surprise as the darkness slowly started to face, leaving the place to what looked like the inside of a plane. _No, not a plane,_ he thought, and turned around, looking at the large window that just appeared, showing planets and stars shining outside, in the dark, deep space. 

“There are very few informations I can collect about the people that I have to meet here,” Nyota explained with a little smile. “Most of the time, are details of their childhood. You loved space, right?” 

Jim turned to her, noticing the chair has also changed, turning into a white, shining swirling chair. “I made this- using cardboard, when I was a kid... The Captain’s chair.” He murmured placing a hand on top of it, finding a name carved into the metal- the same name he wrote on that old chair with a yellow crayon long time before: _Jim_. 

Jim caressed the word, but then his smile faded and he looked away, walking past her, standing in front of the window. “It was so stupid... Trying to imagine my room as the bridge of a spaceship…” He said staring at the stars.

Nyota watched him slowly sit on the floor and stay there in silence. She breathed out and followed, sitting on the few stairs behind him, saying nothing. 

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me what happened?” he harshly asked her. “How have I died?”

“I don’t know the details. I’ve been told that you had an accident and that I was designed to take care of your passage.” Nyota said, and he just lowered his gaze. “I’m very sorry. Maybe you just need time to remember the rest.”

“What about my- my life before this?” Jim asked after a while, “What about my family?” 

“Just like you, they will need time to cope with your loss.” She said, her voice calm, but also firm. 

Jim shook his head, looking outside. “I thought I wouldn’t have make it. I really did,” he murmured. “I knew that car was going fast, but… I would have expected to broke my leg or something, not- not the end of everything.” 

“Not _everything_. Just your mortal life.” Nyota said, smiling at his nervous glare. “It’s something we don’t value much until our last moment, don’t we?” 

He wanted to reply with something, but a doubt stopped him. “I died for some stupid reason, did I? It can’t be just because I wanted a coffee… Was I drunk?” 

“I told you, I don’t know the details.” 

“And you can’t ask someone? You know, out there?” He snorted gesturing at the window. 

“You could've done that yourself if you were already _out there_.” 

“What?” 

“Why you think you’re stuck here with me?” 

“You said you will take care of my- how did you call it?” 

“Passage. And yes, I will. When the time will come.” She said standing up again. 

“You mean- I don’t have to go?” 

“James-“ 

“That’s my dad. Just call me Jim.” He said standing as well. “So there’s a chance that I-“ 

“You are dead. Nothing can change that.” Nyota interrupted firmly. “I am very sorry if I sound so harsh, but I want to make this clear. You are here only because you are not allowed to proceed yet, and that is because you have sins to expiate.” 

“Ok...” Jim murmured slowly. “I know I wasn’t the best person in the world, so…” 

“You were definitely not, but not the worst person either.” She said with a slight smile. 

“Good to know... So, how am I going to _expiate_?” 

“We want you to make yourself useful helping other people.” 

“Like, social service? I can do that… For how long?” 

“Ah…” she moved her hand and a clipboard appeared into it out of nowhere. “Around one hundred years.” 

“**One hundred years??**” Jim shouted back, “Are you kidding me?! What I have done to put together all that time?!” 

“It’s just a first estimation. The more you will prove yourself worthy of forgiveness, easier will be to consider reducing your sentence.” 

“Ok, but- one hundred years? I haven’t killed anyone!” 

“You got into a lot of fights, though. Hurting lots of people.” 

“Oh, come on, there was always a good reason for that,” he replied, but her look stayed unimpressed, showing the list to him. “Ok, most of the time. Most of the time there was a reason for those fights… And this- oh that was-? Huh… ” Jim paled reading sins he didn’t even know he had made in the past.

“I have seen situations way worse than yours. Just do your best and I’m sure we can get those one hundred years down to… At least sixty.” She said and Jim just groaned, sitting on the stairs, laying with his back on the floor. “It’s not like you don’t have the time, anyway.” 

“Yeah… I guess I have all the time of the world now,” he sighed, staring at the ceiling, and then frowned, sitting up. “Wait a second… If I’m dead, how can I help anybody?” 

“Becoming a guardian angel, you will be able to.” 

“A what?” 

“A guardian angel. Never heard of it?” 

Jim blinked few times, mouth partly open. 

“There is no other way to accomplish your mission.” She continued. 

“So it’ll be like in those movies where the dead person wander around- like a ghost?” 

Nyota considered it before nodding. “Ghost is not the exact term for it, but, yes, it’s probably the closest one. No one will be able to see or hear you.”

Jim’s shoulders dropped. “And how can I help anyone, then?” 

“A guardian angel operate in different ways. I’ll explain everything better once you accept the deal.” 

“Why, do I have other options?” 

“Well, you can spend one hundred years here.” 

“Here? You mean- _in here_? For one hundred years?” 

“Alone. Yes.” 

“And you consider that as an alternative?” 

“Becoming a guardian angel it’s not something that can fit everyone,” she said, “And asking them to decide so soon is also part of the process, to see if they are willing to put aside their fears to care about someone else.” 

Jim snorted coldly, “No one ever told you that that’s kind of messed up? We die and you want us to stop thinking about it to make someone else happy?” 

Nyota held his angry gaze and nodded. “Someone hated it, yes, and they got angry and screamed, but the others, those who accepted, they found their peace being guardian angels. That helped themselves as much as it helped the person they needed to protect.”

“Helped them how? They’re still dead- I’m dead! I have nothing to return to!” 

“But you have somewhere to go.” She gently insisted, “And I haven’t heard of anyone regretting doing all they could to get there.” 

Jim just looked away. He was starting to feel the need to scream too. 

“I understand that you’re scared, and I know this is a lot to take in. If you need more time…” 

“There isn't a miracle to bring me back, isn’t it?” he asked, and she shook her head with a little, sad smile. “Becoming a guardian angel I’ll be able to go home, though, right? As a ghost, but- I’ll spend those years on Earth?” 

“Yes. We might have to call you back once in a while, but your place will be next to the person designed for you to watch over.” 

Jim thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Alright… Then I guess I’ll accept. How this _guardian angels thing_ works?” 

Nyota smiled, relieved. “I’ll explain you in the details once will be there. For now, there’s only one rule I have to warn you about, and that you need to follow." 

"Of course there are rules..." 

"Whatever happens during your stay on Earth as a guardian angel, you are not allowed to interact with anything and anyone related to your past life.” 

“But-“ Jim found those words more hurtful than being dead. “You want me to stay there for one hundred years and not look for what’s left of my life? To see if my family is alright?” 

“I’m afraid so. You are going to devote your time to protect and help someone else. The main point of all this is to help you leave your past behind.” 

“What if I don’t want to?” 

Nyota saw he was angry, but also sad. “In that case, I’m afraid becoming a guardian angel is not the right choice for you.” 

Jim held her gaze but eventually looked down again. “You really have the worst punishments...” 

“Making your situation for the worst is not our intention,” she said, sighing as he just scoffed. “Let’s say you would be allowed to see your family and you find them suffering, still trying to cope with your death: what could you possibly do to ease their pain?” 

“I could be their guardian angel! I could help them instead of someone I don’t even know!” 

“But that won’t help _you_ proceed in your passage-” 

“Who said that I want to?” he snapped, standing to leave, but she stopped him grabbing his arm. 

“Can you even imagine the pain you will go through having to watch over your family?” she asked, “Watching them live their lives without you, until their end. Is that what you want?” 

Jim moved away from her. "You can make me watch over someone else, but if you really expect me not to try and look for my family while I'm there- " 

“Breaking the rules will make your sentence way longer.” She interrupted. “In the end, you might be confined in here and not allowed to leave anymore.” 

“GREAT! This is- it’s just great!” Jim screamed walking away. There was a moment of silence, and it took him multiple deep breaths to calm down just a little. “I wasn’t ready, ok? I’m not ready to leave everything behind, and you expect me to care about someone else’s life? Helping them enjoying what I just lost?” He turned around, finding her staring with a sad expression that he couldn’t stand, so he just looked away again. 

“I understand your anger, but if you have been given this choice, it means that it might be the right one for you,” Nyota said, slowly moving next to him. “Maybe it’s the choice you _need_ to move on.” 

Jim’s eyes shined of tears that he forced back. “I’m dead. How do you move on from that?” 

“It's hard, but not impossible. Just give it some time, and, if everything gets too unbearable for you, we’ll find another way to help you.” She said, and added with a little smile, “I just think you would be a really good guardian angel."

Jim took another deep breath. “I guess I’ll never know until I try.” 

“So, you accept to become a guardian angel?” 

“Yeah…” he said, looking at the stars,_as if there’s another choice_. 

“Then, get ready.” 

He turned to look at her, blinded by the sudden, strong light that invaded the whole place. 

A second later, lowering his arms, Jim blinked in surprise, finding himself standing into a park, under a slight rain, with buildings and streets all around. 

“Here we are,” Nyota said, studying the surroundings. “Sorry if it was too sudden, but-“ she turned and saw him running to the viewpoint just behind them. 

Jim looked at the city of San Francisco as if it was all new to him- as if he hasn’t been there for years. 

“Feels a bit strange, doesn’t it?” Nyota said walking next to him. 

“More than a bit…” he murmured, turning to her, “How long I’ve been gone?” 

“Just a few weeks.” 

He blinked, thinking, “So... My funeral already happened?”

“You haven’t forgotten our rule, did you, Jim?” 

“Hey, _you_ decided to brought me back here. This is my home. I've lived here most of my life-“ 

“We decided to let you spend your time as a guardian angel here because we know it's the place that made you happier. We could have choose your hometown, in Iowa, but we didn’t.”

Jim shivered just at the thought. “Thanks.” 

“Don’t thank me. Just, please, promise me you’ll try to keep in mind the only rule I ask you to follow.” She sighed. 

“It’s not gonna be easy…” 

“I know it won’t. We also know it’s all still new for you, so we’ll try to be- elastic on your case. Just, try your best.” 

“There’s no one I can ask for advice? Maybe other guardian angels?” He asked, and noticed her staring coldly. “What? I can’t talk to them?” 

“It’s not that you can’t…” She slowly said, pondering her words. “Most of them are focused on their task, so it rarely happens that different guardian angels talk to each other. I know they usually simply refuse to.” 

Jim nodded, and then tilted his head a bit, “I used to have a guardian angel too? When I was alive?” 

She took a deep, resigned breath. “Yes.”

“And where was he when I died?” 

Nyota’s face darkened a bit, along with a sad expression. “He was crying,” she said, and his curious smile faded. “Being guardian angels doesn’t make you able to do miracles, Jim. There are things that no one can prevent from happening.” 

Jim looked down for a second. “Where is he now?” 

“He will be designed to protect someone else... When he’ll be ready.” 

“Can I meet him?” 

“No. Having any contact with your own guardian angel is prohibited. He will certainly be sent as far away from you as possible.” 

Jim wanted to insist, but judging from her face, it would be useless. “Alright... Guess I’ll try to focus on the person I have to help.” 

“You have to give me your word.” Nyota said, moving a hand forward. “Once you will be bond to your vow, there is no going back. You have to promise you will respect our rules.” 

“You should know that I’m not good at that…” 

“That’s why I want you to promise.” 

He stared at her hand and then grinned, grabbing it. “I promise.” 

She squeezed it hard enough to hurt and nodded, returning the smile. “Good. Then it's settled. Now, let’s go see the candidates.”

“Candidates?” Jim echoed, confused, following her as they left the park. 

“You’re allowed to choose one person out of the three that have been selected for you.” 

“I thought you would’ve chosen that for me?” 

“Oh, no, not in your case.” 

“_In my case_?” he scoffed trying to avoid the people walking around them. 

“Well, you’re not exactly the type we can just throw into being the guardian angel of someone.” 

“Is that a compliment or…?” 

“Both?” she smiled briefly, without stopping. “I mean, we can’t put together two subjects that might hate each other. We want this to be a good experience for both of you, so we try to find the right person for our guardian angels- especially for the new ones.” 

“I see…” 

“So, we- Jim, you can stop trying to avoid them,” she huffed as she stopped, watching him walk along the walls to stay out of the other people’s way. 

“Huh? Can I?” 

“I told you, no one can see or hear you, and they can’t touch you either.” 

“Oh, ok…” 

Nyota sighed and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him closer, forcing Jim to pass through a woman that didn’t seem to notice anything, walking away with her busy life. 

“_Woah_! T- that was… woah!” he gasped, patting his own chest. “I’m really a ghost!” 

“To be precise, you simply don’t have a physical form. You can also move faster than before… See that hot-dog stand?” 

“Uh- yeah, why?” Jim asked, and then Nyota disappeared, reappearing just next to the stand, waving a hand at him. “Hey! That’s amazing! How can I do that?” 

“Just focus on the place you want to reach!” she yelled back from there. 

“Right, because I’m sure is that easy…” he murmured but found himself next to her in a second. 

“_It is_ that easy.” She nodded with a smile of approval. “With time, you’ll be able to move between even greater distance.” 

“That’s- really cool.” 

“Now… Our first candidate is in that building.” She said pointing at the tall skyscraper a few blocks away. “It’s too far for you, so I’ll take you there.” 

“Sure… Wait, what?” Jim turned around when she grabbed his hand and they both disappeared, finding themselves inside the fancy building a second later. “It’s- it’s way too fast for me,” Jim said, a bit unstable on his feet. 

“You’ll get used to it. Come on.” She said heading down the corridor. 

“What is this place?” Jim asked looking at the gigantic frames of models on the walls. “A fashion agency or something?” 

“Yes. The first candidate is…” Nyota made her notebook reappear, checking, “Gaila Orion.” 

“Who?” Jim saw her passing through a closed door. He sighed and followed, still a bit uneasy by the _passing through things_. 

“That’s her,” Nyota said pointing in front of them where a beautiful woman with long, red curly hair was sitting on a stool wearing skinny jeans and a hoodie, making different poses in front of the photographer; there were also few other people around them, each one taking care of something. 

“O-oh…” Jim just commented. He could remember seeing her somewhere- maybe on TV? 

“She’s very famous at the moment… She loves her job, her cat and eating italian food.” 

Jim turned to Nyota that was still reading from her notebook. “What are you, a dating site?” 

“I’m just telling you the info I’ve got. She’s been without a guardian angel for around five months now.” 

“That long? Then why she needs another one?” 

“Let’s say it’s not a random decision. Usually, when we try to give someone a guardian angel, it means that that person will need it.” She said, signing at his not convinced expression. “Something will impact her life, and sadly, in a bad way... We want her to be prepared.” 

“Sorry, but that sounds like a joke.” 

“Excuse me?” she hissed, flashing him with a cold glare. 

“She can’t see us, and we can’t talk to each other or anything. How could I help her in any way?” 

Nyota kept staring at him for a moment, then closed her notebook. “That is something I will explain to you when and if you choose one person to guard.” 

Jim breathed out, watching Gaila smiling and posing- but he noticed that smile crack in and there, between the flash. Unsure, he looked at Nyota that was staring at him with a knowing expression. 

“See? I knew you would be a good guardian.” She murmured, leaving the office. 

Jim sent one last look at Gaila before following outside, finding her waiting. “What will happen if I don’t choose her?” 

“We’ll find another guardian for her.” 

“And- how long that will take?” 

She smiled at him, more sincerely. “Less than you think. Don’t worry too much.” 

“You just told me something bad will happen to her soon…” 

“Yes, but she won't be alone. None of these three will be. They all will have someone when the time comes.” She said, and when he just nodded, she grabbed his hand again. “Our second candidate is a bit far away. Ready?” 

Jim didn’t have much time to prepare, as they disappeared once again a second later. 

The place was darker, and Jim turned around just to find the face of a creepy, green monster against his noose. “HOLY-“ he gasped, falling backward. 

“It’s pretty dark in here, is it?” Nyota said, somewhere nearby. 

“What the hell was that?!” 

“This way.” 

Jim felt her grabbing his arm again, helping him up. “I saw a monster! It was there- some kind of goblin!” 

“I know. It’s alright.” 

“It’s not alright!” 

“Look, that's the exit.” 

Jim noticed some light filtering from below and a moment later they passed through a door, blinded by the strong light that suddenly hit them. Shielding his eyes with a hand, he slowly recognized the place as a movie set: there was a little house on the right, with a fake garden all around- and a few people were wearing one of those goblin’s mask. “It’s- they’re making a movie?” 

“Yes. Our candidate should be around here…” Nyota said wandering around the large set. 

Jim studied the place in awe despite everything, because movies always fascinated him. Sci-fi, horrors and fantasy, anything related to _out of the ordinary_. 

“There he is,” Nyota said gesturing at another smaller set where a car was half immersed in a pool of water, and someone was sitting on top of it: it was a young man, maybe seventeen, with short, messy red hair and a sweet smile that seemed impossible to hide. He was completely soaked, but he seemed to be having fun. 

“That kid?” Jim asked. 

“Pavel Chekov. He’s a new star around here.” 

Jim nodded, then looked at her, “And?” 

“I thought you didn’t like my _dating site_ info.” She commented with a grin that he just ignore, sighing. “He lost his parents when he was little. There’s only him and his older sister- that is actually his agent at the moment,” she said pointing at the girl with the same red hair, talking to someone of the production. “He has never talked about the accident with anyone." 

“Tough life,” Jim commented, watching the smiling actor, “and tough kid.” 

“He is. Also... He likes surfing and wears glasses only at home," she added, and then looked at him, closing the notebook. "You like movies, don’t you?” 

“Me? Yeah, I- I used to... That’s why you choose me? Or something bad will happen to him too?” 

Nyota sighed, sending a sad look at Pavel. “As you said, tough life.” 

Jim took a deep breath. The family accident thing started to make him feel- strange. As if he shouldn’t have been there- as if he wouldn’t be able to help that kid at all. 

Nyota seemed to notice his discomfort and gently grabbed his arm again, asking, “Ready to go?”, this time waiting for his answer. 

Jim looked briefly at her and nodded, closing his eyes before they left the set. 

He didn’t know how long those trips lasted, or maybe he simply didn’t notice first, but when they were back in the city, it was late and the sky was dark. Looking around, Jim narrowed his eyebrows, “I know this place.” 

“You do?” Nyota asked, following him. 

“Yeah, this is…” Jim kept looking around and then froze turning a corner. “The hospital… I came here a few times.” He said watching the Sacred Heart Hospital just a few meters away, a five floors building with a large parking lot on the left. 

“You know you used to get hurt a lot,” Nyota nodded, regretting her comment. “Sorry, I- I didn’t mean to be rude.” 

“No, you’re right. I broke a leg and an arm once… Not at the same time, but- yeah.” He sighed, “’Guess my luck expired with that.” 

Nyota gently patted his back before proceeding. 

“Wait- we’re going there? In the hospital? Jim asked, and then froze again, “Please, don’t tell me the last candidate is a doctor?” 

“Yes, he is.” She nodded, hearing him groan. “What's the problem?” 

“I don’t like doctors. They make me nervous.” 

“I think you’re going to like this one.” 

“I doubt it,” he snorted, following her to the entrance, “They’re so uptight. And they have this- this _I have the power_ aura around them.” 

“Well, they kind of have the power. They can save people’s lives.” She said making reappear her notebook. 

“Yeah, well, not mine.” Jim couldn’t stop himself and just looked down, avoiding her eyes. 

Nyota was indeed staring at him. “Jim…” 

“Sorry, that- that was stupid to say.” 

“It’s not.” She gently said, “And if you already know this isn’t the right place for you-“ 

“It’s fine. At this point, it wouldn’t be fair to refuse to see him just because he’s a doctor.” He sighed. 

Nyota smiled a little and nodded, checking the info, frowning. “Oh, this is weird…” 

“What could possibly be weird to you?” Jim snorted. 

“I just got updated that this candidate is not currently working… He will start again in a few weeks.” 

“And that’s weird because…?” 

“Because I should have been informed sooner. This way.” She said leaving the hospital’s hall, heading outside, into the street again. 

“Maybe someone was sleeping on their divine job... Can't I apply for that?” 

“Oh, shush. We’ll find him anyway.” She huffed, laughing a bit. 

Jim sighed, following her under the city’s lights. “No dating site info either?” 

“Let’s see,” Nyota said, turning the pages, “He has a young daughter… He likes listening to jazz and drink whiskey…” 

“Such a cliché…” 

“He applied to join the army, once… And he likes chocolate sticks.” 

“Who gives you this kind of information?” Jim commented, studying her with a puzzled glare. 

“We have our sources... Look, he should be in there.” 

Jim noticed the bar just then, and she standing in front of its orange windows, peeking inside. “You see him?” he asked, doing the same. 

“Uhm… The reports say-“ 

Suddenly someone was thrown out the said window, making them both gasp, but only Jim jumped away, dragging her with him. 

“Just dare come back in here! _I fucking dare you!_" A man screamed from inside the bar where others yelled something else, cheering for him. 

“Oh yeah? Then _I fucking double dare you_, you piece of shit!” the man laying on the concrete screamed back. 

“This reminds me of the good old times,” Jim sighed, grinning, watching the man trying to stand, just to fall down again, hissing in pain as the pieces of glass hurt his hands. “I bet our doctor is in there, scared for his life.”

“_This_ is our doctor, Jim.” Nyota said quickly approaching the man that was finally standing again. 

“What?” Jim watched the angry man barely find his balance, not even caring of the pieces of glass falling from his short, brown hair and shoulders, passing a hand over his wounded cheek, marching towards the entrance- and that’s when Nyota placed a hand on his back. 

“This is enough, don’t you think?” She told him, “You’re hurt. And it’s late. Let’s just go home.” 

Jim blinked in surprise as the man’s anger subsided a little and he looked down at himself, patting his jacket and taking a deep breath before turning the other way, slowly leaving. “You- this is what you meant before?” he asked her. “This is how we help people?” 

“I want this to be clear: we can’t give them orders, nor change people's mind,” she told him, dead serious. “All we can do is try to make their rational voice lauder. He left because deep down he knew it was the right thing to do. If he really wanted to go back in there and keep fighting, he would have,” Nyota sighed, “Also, he was drunk. Normally, it’s not so easy.” 

Jim nodded slowly and then said, “So, I guess _my_ guardian angel never give a shit about those fights, huh?” 

Nyota blinked and then they both started laughing. “That’s- not a nice thing to say.” She said once able to speak. 

“Sorry… I know. I just couldn’t stop myself.” He nodded. 

“Well, that was our last candidate, Doctor Leonard McCoy,” she said, watching the man still slowly proceeding down the street. “If you don’t think you’re the right guardian for any of these three, I can-“ 

“The doctor.” Jim said, grinning as she turned to him with a surprised expression on her face. “I’ll take care of the doctor.”


	2. Chapter 2

Nyota and Jim followed Leonard through the city for a while, into the cold night that very few people were enjoying at that hour. 

“So, I just have to spy on him all the time?” Jim was asking. 

“_Spy_ is not the term I would use to-” 

“The only difference is that I don’t have to worry about hiding.” 

Nyota sighed patiently. “Jim, you will learn soon that you need to take your role as guardian angel very seriously. You will be partly responsible for another person's wellbeing.” 

“You mean that I can do what you did before? I can, I don’t know, tell him to take a coffee instead of a glass of wine?” 

“As I said, you can’t _tell him_ what do to. You can help him in his decision, and still, even that alone- let’s say it will depend on how much you will be able to improve the connection between you and him.” 

“Connection?” 

“Yes. More time you will spend watching over him, easier will become to understand how he feels, and, eventually, help him took the choices that are better for him.” 

Jim looked unsure. “Then how did you manage to make your magic before? You just met him, right?” 

“Yes, but I have been a guardian angel myself for a long time, in the past…” Noticing him staring, she added, “And, as I said, he’s very drunk at the moment.” 

“Well, I hope he’s gonna get drunk often because I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to interact with him otherwise,” Jim said watching Leonard stopping in front of a building, patting on his jacket with both hands, searching for the key that he used to open the wooden door. 

“You won’t need that. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” She said as they stopped right after Leonard closing the door. “Shall we?” 

“It’s not like we can ring the bell…” 

“True.” Nyota grinned disappearing into the building. 

Jim followed right away: the hall was small but comfortable, with half of the walls covered in shining wood, while the rest was cream-colored. They ignored the elevator and climbed the stairs to the third floor, just in time to see Leonard sat on the floor. “Is he alright?” 

“You should go check.” 

After a moment of hesitation, Jim slowly approached the man. “Hey, you ok?” he asked, shaking his head right away, _He can’t hear you, you idiot_, he schooled himself. Lowering next to him, all Jim could see was Leonard hiding his face against the arm he was leaning on the wall; he was breathing hard, but Jim wasn’t sure if it was because he was drunk or if he was crying. He also noticed a few cuts on his right hand…

“**DAMN IT**.” Leonard suddenly growled, making him jump back. He then breathed out and stood, heading to the door. 

“He got some issues for sure,” Jim commented standing up while Nyota reached him. 

“Who doesn’t?” She sighed, following the man inside.

Jim shook his head and did the same, finding himself into a very normal apartment, not too big nor fancy, but with multiple tall and slim windows facing the street. The living room was right in front of the entrance, with two couches and a TV; on the left, there was a little kitchen, a table just under the smallest of the windows; from there, a thin wall was separating the bedroom and the bathroom from the rest of the house. There were no pictures on the walls, but a plant was in the opposite corner of the kitchen- and there, Jim also noticed few boxes with _stuff_ written on the side. “Did he just moved in here?” 

“Almost three months ago…” Nyota said checking her notebook. They both flinched as something crashed in the bathroom, followed by more angry curses. 

“Not his best day, huh?” Jim said with an indulgent smile. 

“Definitely not…” Nyota saw Leonard coming out of the bathroom completely naked, so she cleared her throat and turned around, forcing the other to do the same. 

“Are you blushing?” Jim giggled.

“I’m not, but even we know the meaning of privacy.” 

“Privacy? I’ll have to stalk this man for the rest of his life…” 

“We haven’t made it official yet. I want you to think about your decision very thoughtfully.” She said dragging him into the living room. 

“Ok… How do we make it official?” 

Nyota stopped and turned around so suddenly he almost tripped on her. “Jim, I’m serious. Considering your situation and the rules I told you about- especially those rules- are you sure you want to do this?” 

“Well, is this or spending one hundred years alone on a spaceship…” 

“I know that sounds horrible to you, and I want you to make your decision on your own, but, please, you need to understand that there is another life at the stake now. Leonard’s life.” 

Jim breathed out, briefly looking at the bathroom where he could hear water flowing. “If you don’t trust me being his guardian, then why ask me to become one in the first place?” 

“I do trust you. You just-“ Nyota sighed as he nodded, waiting for her to finish, “You are taking all this way better than I imagined.” 

“And that’s a bad thing?” 

“I don’t know... Probably not. I’m just worried. That’s all.” She said and snorted as he just smiled. “Please, don’t give me that charming smile, ok? I’m being serious.” 

“You think I’m charming?” he grinned. 

“I just want to make sure this will be an improvement for both, you and Leonard.” 

Jim stared at her for a moment, more serious. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Of course.” 

“If it’ll happen to- and I’m not saying that I’ll try to make it happen, but if... If I stay here and everything starts getting out of control, and I try looking for what’s left of my past life…” 

“Jim-“ 

“I know, _rules_, I know. All I’m asking is what would happen if I- start losing my mind?” he quickly continued. “And, considering the whole situation, you couldn’t really blame me for it. Just pointing that out.” 

Nyota took a deep breath, but she didn’t seem angry- more likely worried. “Becoming a guardian angel, you will be granted a max of three mistakes. After that, you _will_ spend one hundred years alone in that spaceship.” 

Jim nodded slowly. “Ok… That’s good to know.” 

“Are you really sure you want to do this?” She asked again.

“I’m sure I want to try.” 

“I don’t want you to just _try_. I want you to watch Leonard and promise him and me that you won’t abandon him, no matter what.” 

Just then, Leonard slowly walked into the kitchen wearing only a pair of sweatpants, starting to pour some water into a glass. 

Jim watched him for a moment and then nodded at her, “I won’t. I told you, I’ll take care of him.”

Nyota studied him and then nodded once. “Alright. Then, let’s make it official.” She moved next to the Leonard and invited him to follow. “Give me your hand.” 

Jim obeyed, watching her grabbing it and placing it on Leonard’s right shoulder: being so close to him, Jim just realized how taller the doctor was, and then noticed him slightly tilting his head into his direction, keeping his eyes on the glass. “Did he-?” 

“No, we can’t touch anything nor anyone of this world, but humans often can feel us- barely. Like a shiver.” Nyota nodded, letting him go. “They usually trust these feelings, seeing them just as their own. That’s how guardian angels can manage to help.” 

Jim stared at his hand, then tried to step back when Leonard turned around but it was too late and the man walked through his body to sit at the table. “_Ugh_! That’s still weird.” Jim gasped, patting his own chest. 

“It’s not _that_ bad.” Nyota said with a little grin. 

“I’ll never get used to it…” Jim murmured. “So, that was it? It’s official now?” 

“It is,” she breathed out. “You are now bonded to him and this world again. Under our rules, of course.” 

“Of course...” 

“Any other question you want to ask me before I leave?” 

“You’re leaving?” 

“Yes. Leonard is under your responsibility now. I have other matters to take care of. Oh, right…” with a snap of her fingers, a cellphone appeared into her hand and she handed it to him. “This is in case of an emergency. There’s only my number on it, so call me you need help, and, yes, we have altered a few humans devices for our personal use.” 

“That’s pretty cool,” Jim smiled studying the phone. 

“It is, but be careful about how you use it.” 

“Do I have to recharge it?” 

“No. It has unlimited battery.” 

“_So_ cool…” he murmured in awe, noticing her quietly staring. “Sorry. It is amazing for human standards, though.” He added, putting the device into his jeans’ pocket. 

“I’m sure it is. Well, if that is all, I will let you adjust to your new- situation.” 

“You almost said _new life_, didn’t you?” 

“I did not.” 

“Because that would have been hilarious…” Jim continued, managing not to laugh only because she seemed ready to kick him back on the spaceship. “Sorry. I’ll try my best to keep him alive.” He finished, looking down.

“Thank you. If you need help, just call me. See you.” 

Jim nodded, waving a hand as she disappeared through the door. 

“_Shit!_” Leonard yelled as the glass slipped from his hand and some water fell on his bare chest. 

Jim sighed and turned to look at the angry doctor. “Man, you need to chill…” 

At the same time, Nyota was already outside the building, staring at it with a worried expression. 

“He choose the doctor?” 

She took a deep breath, without turning to the man standing next to her. “You already knew.” 

“You don’t look happy about it. Why?” 

“I am. I think Jim will be a great guardian for him, but… Maybe he needed more time to elaborate on his own situation.” 

“This _is_ supposed to help him do that.” 

“I know, but I’m not sure this is the best way for him.” 

A moment of silence, then the man said, “You can still call him back.” 

“No… No, Leonard needs him, and I do think Jim is the right person. I only hope they will manage to help each other.”

The man kept his eyes on the building as well, “I hope so too.” 

Jim spent the first day of his new _situation_ investigating Leonard’s apartment, looking for anything that could give some clue about him and his life, since he couldn’t ask.  
It was hard not to talk to the man directly, and it was even more annoying being completely ignored, so Jim decided to get answers on his own: the only two pictures he found were both under the TV, one showing what seemed to be the hall of an airport, while the other was flipped, so he couldn’t see the photo.

“Why do you keep a photo of an airport?” Jim wondered aloud, down on one knee in front of the low cabinet. Sighing, he stood and turned around: Leonard woke up a while before and was now sitting at the table under the window, a cup of coffee in hand, staring at the phone he had placed in front of him. 

Under the daylight, Jim could see Leonard has a little scar on his chest, the only visible detail on that smooth, pale skin; he also had green-blue eyes shining almost creepily under the weak light. 

Jim slowly sat down on the other side of the table, in front of him, crossing his arms and studying the man, staring at his brown, messy hair- and he huffed a laugh noting a few were straight up, pointing at the ceiling. “I've dropped a Hollywood star for a grumpy doctor… Who would have thought?” Jim sighed. Then, he got an idea: placing both arms on the table, he stared intently at the man and said, “If you want to call someone, just do it. The phone’s right here.” 

Leonard just took another sip of coffee. 

“You have been staring at it for an hour by now. Just make the call?” Jim insisted, but the man ignored the advice completely. “I knew I wasn’t good at this…” he groaned dropping also his head on the table. “How do you _guardian angel someone_? I have no idea what am I supposed to do…” 

The entrance’s door suddenly opened and they both looked at it, watching a man wearing a blue hoodie step inside with two large bags, one in each hand. 

“What are you doing here?” Leonard asked, surprised, quickly standing up to reach him. 

“You know, just passing by,” the other said with a smile. 

“I was- wait, give me that.” 

“Ah, it’s alright…” 

Jim stayed in the kitchen, watching Leonard grabbing one of the bags to move it on the couch while the other man dropped the hoodie, revealing an Asian man, around thirty years old, with short, black and perfectly cut hair. 

“I told you I was coming to pick you up,” Leonard said turning to the man that moved closer and kissed him. 

Jim was standing up and almost tripped into the chair. Too surprised to look away, only when the two men fell on the couch, one on top of each other, he blinked and sat down again, quickly turning around, not sure of where to look. 

When they stopped kissing, Leonard repeated, “I was going to come and pick you up.” 

“This was a better surprise, honestly,” the other man said, gently scratching on his chest. “Unless you were coming picking me up wearing only your pants?” 

“I think I would have been arrested if I did.” 

“For a good cause.” 

“Oh, no doubt about that,” Leonard snorted pushing himself up a bit to kiss him again, just to drag him down to continue. 

“Should I leave? Maybe I should leave…” Jim kept murmuring before grabbing the phone, unsure if to call Nyota or not. “I’m allowed to watch them making out? She and her stupid privacy…” he cried in frustration. 

Leonard was pulling the hoodie off the man when he let out a little hiss of pain, stopping halfway- and Jim turned around to check.

The man finished to remove it by himself, his hair not as much in order as before, showing a slim but toned body. “What is it?” he asked. 

“Nothing.” Leonard tried to move, but the other took his hand and he let out a tired "Ow." 

The man noticed the little cuts and sighed, staring down at Leonard, “Did you fight again?” 

“Again?” Jim echoed, impressed. 

“Yeah… And the window won.” 

“And why did you fought against a window?” 

“The door looked nicer…” He said with a grin, unaware of Jim doing the same, but they both stopped as the man’s glare became more serious. “You know, it was just one of those nights when I get stupid.” 

“You got a lot of them, recently.” 

“Not so many…” Leonard murmured trying to kiss him again, but the other moved back a bit, tangling their hands together while staring at him. “I’m fine, really. I followed your advice and just left before the situation could get worse. I came home and straight to bed.” 

“Did you?” 

“He sure did… Without _anyone's_ help.” Jim snorted with sarcasm.

“I told you, I was coming to pick you up today. I was waiting for your message.” Leonard continued.

“Half naked?” 

“I thought that’s how you liked me?” 

“Ugh…” Jim groaned, dropping his head on the table again. 

The man nodded, a little grin appearing on his face again. “You want me to take care of these?” he then asked, kissing his hand. 

“Later,” Leonard said, as they both felt each other getting hard. “Please?” 

Jim heard some shuffling and when he looked up, he saw them almost _running_ towards the bed. “Ok, you don’t need my protection for _that_. I’m out.” He said leaving the apartment, passing through the door and stopping in the middle of the corridor. “Privacy my ass.” He breathed out, shaking his head. 

When Jim opened his eyes, there was more light in the corridor. He sleepily looked around, unsure if that could be considered as a nap because- do angels sleep? 

“Hopefully they’re done,” he sighed standing up in the corridor and slowly stepping back into the apartment: the TV was on, but at a very low volume; Leonard was cooking something in the kitchen, this time fully dressed, except for the shoes. From the clock, only a few hours have passed.

Jim breathed out in relief, noticing the still-unknown-man laying in bed. Staring at him for a second, he then turned to Leonard, moving closer. “Aw, I miss pancakes…” he cried watching him flip another one into the frying pan. Studying the man, he saw him more relaxed, but still with that serious expression on his face. “I hope I don’t have to help you with your love life because mine was already a disaster,” Jim said sitting on top of the table. 

After a while, they both turned as the man sleepily joined them. “That smells good.” He said with a smile. “I borrowed one of your shirts, hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t. You could sleep a bit longer.” 

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I just got here…” He said standing behind Leonard, leaning against his back. “You’re ok cooking with that hand?” 

“Yeah, it doesn’t hurt.” 

“You always say that,” he snorted kissing his neck. “I saw the alcohol in the bathroom. Let me take a look, alright?” 

“Hikaru...” Leonard stopped him as the other was leaving. “Thank you. For coming back.” 

He smiled and said, “I told you already, it’s not a problem,” giving him a little, quick kiss. “I can’t stay for long, but I wanted to see you. I really wanted to.” 

Leonard smiled back, “Yeah… Me too.” 

“Now, let me be your doctor for once.” That said, Hikaru headed to the bathroom. 

“Maybe we should switch jobs,” Leonard commented with a sarcastic laugh. 

“Why not? I’m getting good at this.” 

Jim listened and watched them in silence, finally able to give the other man a name, “Hikaru, huh?” 

“I’ll need to start paying you,” Leonard said putting the last pancake on a dish that he then placed on the table, along with two cups of coffee. 

“Pancakes are enough,” Sulu said coming back with the little bottle of alcohol and a plasters box. 

Jim sighed and stood to leave the table to them, moving into the living room, sitting on the stool in front of the window. 

Leonard sat down on the same chair of before, and Sulu the other one, moving it closer to hold his hand, starting to dab the cotton on the little cuts. 

The doctor felt the alcohol sting a bit but said nothing. 

“You should be more careful,” Sulu murmured without looking up. 

“I know…” 

“If you know, then stop with the bar fights.” 

“I told you, there wasn’t much of a fight.” 

“Still, you got hurt.” Hikaru put a plaster on the two deeper cuts and breathed out, looking up at him. “I don’t want to come back here one day to find you at the hospital with your head broken, got it?” 

“You spend most of your time in the sky. I should be the worried one.” Leonard snorted. 

“Looks like I’m safer in the skies than you are here, alone for a month.”

Jim was looking at them, confused, “He spends his time in the sky…?” 

Leonard said nothing, staring at his wounded hands. 

“Did she call you again?” Hikaru asked after a while, and the other nodded. “Was it that bad?” 

“Not more than usual, but, you know…” Leonard sighed, forcing a grin out while looking at him, “You were not here… I guess that made it worse.” 

“That’s why I told you to call me-“ 

“I’m not saying that it’s your fault. It’s just that having you around is- it’s so different... And that’s _my_ fault.” 

Hikaru sighed, smiling patiently. “What is your fault?” 

“Getting used to rely on you all the time.” 

“You _can_ rely on me.”

“I know, but- throwing my problems on you is not fair. I should have kept you out of all this. It’s such a mess… _I am_ still a mess.” 

“Oh, I’m aware,” Hikaru snorted moving closer, still holding both his hands, “And, mess or not, you’re stuck with me. If I’m here, it’s because I love you, and I want us both to be alright.” 

Leonard nodded slowly, looking down again, but when the other hugged him, he quickly returned the gesture, holding him tight, eyes closed against his shoulder. 

Jim watched them in silence, feeling as if he was the only one not able to understand what was going on into Leonard’s life- and he hated it. 

The rest of the day went by peacefully: Jim followed the two men when they left the apartment in the afternoon, going out for a walk that led them into a park. The sky was getting cloudy, but still, some sunlight managed to get through and shine over the little pond where few kids were running around.

Jim sat down on the grass watching them laughing and playing, while Leonard was sitting on the bench on the other side of the pond, head back, apparently staring at the sky. 

“Hi there.” 

Jim turned around to find Nyota standing next to him. “Oh. Hey, you’re back,” he said, sounding maybe a bit too much relieved. 

“I wanted to give you some time to adjust.” She said sitting down. “How are you doing? Everything’s ok?” 

“Uh, yeah, I guess? He seems fine… Even more than fine.” Jim snorted. 

Nyota looked puzzled and followed his gaze, watching Hikaru walking back to Leonard with two bottles of water, sitting close to each other enough so that their shoulders were pressed together. “Oh. Yes, I forgot to tell you. They-“ 

“I know.” Jim cut short, unimpressed. “I know _very well_ by now.” 

“Oh… You do?” she huffed a laugh. 

“It’s not funny! You could have told me about his boyfriend before I had to watch them almost doing it on the kitchen floor.” 

Nyota stared at him intently. “They did it on the kitchen floor?” 

“No!” 

“Good. But, yes, it might happen in the future. Sorry, I completely forgot about Leonard’s relationship. I have so many people to keep track on, it’s hard to follow all of them, figures their private lives…” she sighed tiredly. “I hope this isn’t a problem for you?” 

“It isn’t, I was just surprised. You said he has a daughter, I thought-” 

“I haven’t told you about his past either, did I?” 

“No. No, you didn’t. You just left me there, trying to solve his whole life by myself and I can’t because I’m a ghost!” 

“Sorry. My bad. What do you need to know?” 

Jim took a deep breath, trying to think. “He has a daughter, so he was married, or…?” 

“He was…” Nyota nodded, making appear her usual notebook, flipping the pages, “Leonard and his wife, Carol, divorced at the start of this year and their daughter is staying with the mother. Joanna McCoy, she’s five.” 

Jim finally started to connect the dots. “He said a woman called him yesterday, that’s why he was drunk. Maybe it was his ex-wife?” 

“It could be,” Nyota said with a light shrug. “We sure picked a bad day to introduce ourselves.” 

“He seems to have a lot of them, according to his boyfriend,” Jim said watching them talking: Leonard looked so different having Hikaru around. 

“That’s why he needs a guide." 

“There’s no way to know what will happen to him?” Jim asked, “I mean, I think he have a lot to deal with, already.” 

Nyota just sighed, watching the two men. 

Jim stared at her, taking that as an answer itself. “Hikaru seems a good guy…” he murmured, following her gaze. 

“He does?” 

“Yeah… He cares about him.” 

She glared curiously at him. “And…?” 

“I mean, Leonard seems to have a guardian already. I still don’t know why I am here. I feel like a creep watching them.” 

Nyota laughed a bit. “I told you, if you have been designed to be his guardian, there is a reason. There’s always a reason.” 

Jim sighed. “I hope not a bad one.” 

“I hope so too.” 

“So you really don’t know what-“ as Jim turned, Nyota was already gone. “You really need the divine disappearing effect?” he commented shaking his head. He then noticed Leonard standing up, grabbing Hikaru’s hand to help him do the same. Sighing, he stood as well, slowly reaching them. 

“Are you sure you want to try it?” Hikaru was asking with a pleased grin. 

“Yeah. I trained while you were away.” 

“Really?” 

“I’m getting pretty good at it,” Leonard said with a hint of pride. 

“Not sure if I want to know what you guys are talking about…” Jim commented, looking skeptically between them. 

“Then what we need for tonight?” Hikaru asked, still smiling. 

“Salmon. And tuna for you.” 

“You remember… That’s it?” 

“There should be some soy sauce left, at home... We can get another one. I’m pretty sure we’ll finish that one anyway.” 

Jim started laughing a bit at himself. “The doctor can cook too.” He said following them back into the busy street. Looking around, he froze for a second as he saw a car driving in their opposite direction: he knew that car, that color- he helped to choose that color. “Sam…?” he whispered and started running before even realizing, trying to follow the vehicle, but lost sight of it at the next crossroad. 

Jim slowly stopped, looking around, feeling so overwhelmed by sadness he almost started to cry. _It wasn’t him. Why he should be here?_ Jim forced himself to believe that, as he shut his eyes, trying to calm down. 

“It’s alright… It’s alright.” He murmured to himself, turning around, barely able to see Leonard and Sulu in the distance. _I don’t want to stay with them_. Jim couldn’t stop the thought, nor the sudden, burning desire to simply leave them both and search for his brother- and that’s when the phone in his pocket beeped. 

Jim froze again, slowly picking it out, watching the screen, finding only two words on it: _First Warning_. They lasted only a few seconds before disappearing, enough to make Jim’s eyes water a bit, and wonder if staying alone on a spaceship for one hundred years wasn’t maybe better than being Leonard’s guardian angel.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the downfall can begin!

A week passed after receiving the first warning, but Jim wasn’t very worried about it anymore: what really was keeping him on the edge was that Nyota didn’t show up since that happened. 

_She must have known about it._ Jim kept repeating to himself, sure that she knew about how he managed to screw everything up in a second only because he saw a car similar to the one his brother used to have, instantly running after it, abandoning Leonard to his fate without second thought, not even a day after accepting to become a guardian angel and promising to protect the man at all costs. 

Jim felt terribly ashamed, and he did for the whole week. It was clear that he still cared more about his own life, or _past life_, than Leonard’s. 

So, that week turned out to be the most stressful of his new life as a guardian angel: he tried calling Nyota a few times but got no response, not via phone or just calling for her aloud. She was so serious about the guardian angels thing, making it clear multiple times, and Jim started to fear that, after what he did, he would have never seen her again, losing the only person he was able to communicate with.  
Slowly, one hundred years alone in that spaceship sounded more appealing than spending the same amount of time on Earth and being ignored by, well, the entire world.

The doorbell rang and Leonard looked away from the documents he was reading, standing from the couch to go answer the intercom. “Hello? Yeah- Sure, ‘coming.” He said going outside, leaving the apartment’s door ajar. 

Jim was sitting on the living room’s floor, under the window, and didn’t move from there, eyes closed: despite everything, he learned few things during that week, and one was that he could follow Leonard’s heartbeat even not being close to him. With a sigh, he opened his eyes, aware that Leonard was just retrieving something for Hikaru. The man himself warned about it that morning before kissing Leonard goodbye and leaving, promising to have dinner together. “Why am I even here for?” Jim murmured. 

Leonard came back a moment later, keeping a long clothing-bag high in his hand while closing the door. He then carefully place it on the bed and unzipped it to check inside. 

Jim gave up to the curiosity and stood, moving next to him, adding another piece to the puzzle that was Hikaru: inside the bag, there was a black, perfectly washed and ironed black uniform, with golden buttons and details. “That’s what you meant with _flying_… Hikaru is a pilot?” he asked looking at the man that caressed the uniform before closing the bag again, but Jim didn’t miss the little, caring smile on his lips. 

Leonard turned to grab his phone, but stopped before writing a message, thinking, and then dropped it, starting to get dressed. 

“Are we going somewhere?” Jim asked again, watching him wear the jacket while heading to the door, leaving it open once again, and coming back a second later to close it. 

When the doctor reached his car, Jim was already sitting inside of it. 

“I guess we are...” Jim sighed, watching the man hopping next to him, on the pilot seat, locking the seatbelt and turning the engine on. That was something else Jim learned during the week: he could teleport in places he knew, or just think about Leonard to reach the man instantly. Not sure about the distance he could cover that way, he often just followed the doctor into the car and moved together around the city. 

They arrived at the airport in around thirty minutes, when it was starting to get dark under a cloudy sky. 

As Jim left the car, casually passing through the door, he heard a weak thunder far away, behind them, and then there was the rumble of an engine going faster and faster until he saw an airplane taking off from the airport runway next to the parking. He heard a groan as Leonard’s heartbeat quickened.   
Turning, he saw the man staring nervously at the gigantic vehicle flying away, taking a deep breath and shivering before walking away. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of flying?” Jim said with a grin. 

Leonard kept heading to the airport's entrance while writing a message on his phone. 

Jim looked away and scanned the area, hoping to see Nyota somewhere, to finally know that she didn’t hate him for the mistake he did, but there was no one there, aside from the man that couldn’t even see him. Jim followed him only after a while, not hard to spot Leonard standing in front of the large windows, staring at the field outside, where multiple airplanes were parked. The airport wasn't very busy, with just a few little groups of passengers waiting in front, or past the gates. 

“I haven’t visited an airport in years…” Jim said sitting next to Leonard, turning to see outside. “You know, my-“ 

“I thought you were joking,” Hikaru said coming out of a closed gate, wearing only the jacket of a uniform similar to the one in the bag, while the rest were casual clothes. 

“I know. I was just passing by.” Leonard said with a little smile that grew as Hikaru grabbed his hand to make him stand and give him a kiss. “You don’t welcome everyone on your plane like this, do you?” 

“Only grumpy doctors.” He huffed. "Were you busy around here?” 

“Uh, kind of? They brought back your uniform and- I wanted to see you.” 

Hikaru looked surprised for a second, just to give him the sweetest smile. 

“Also, to share the good news that they didn’t lose any button this time. I've checked already.” Leonard continued, trying not to blush. 

“Oh, thank God.” Hikaru sighed in relief, hugging him. 

“Yes, the world is saved.” The other laughed patting a hand on his back. 

Jim watched them for a while, but eventually sighed and looked away.

“I really appreciate that you took the time to come and tell me, but I haven’t finished here yet,” Hikaru said, tilting his head towards the planes outside. 

“Which one is yours?” 

“None is _mine_,” he snorted, pointing a finger on the left, “but I'll be on that one in a few days.” 

“I hate it.” 

“You hate _all_ the planes.” 

“Yes, because knowing you up there is terrifying.” 

“You can always get a ticket and check for yourself how safe they are.” 

“So we can die together?” 

“For your information, I’m a great pilot.” 

Leonard laughed a bit. “You are,” he confirmed with a smile. 

“Then why don’t you come with me once?” 

“Huh…” 

“You might have to, one day or another.” 

“I’ll be ready when the time comes. Hopefully.” 

Hikaru smiled patiently at him, then looked around, “Hey… Can we sit for a second?” 

“Sure. Something wrong?” 

“Not really, I just need to tell you something,” Hikaru said sitting right next to Jim. “So, I... I got a response from New York.” 

Leonard tensed up a bit. “You mean for the house?” he asked, and the other nodded, a smile growing on his lips. “You- you got it? Really?” 

“I did. I thought there was no chance, but… A client withdraw their offer, so- I did it. I just have to go there and put my name on a few documents and that’s it.” 

Leonard nodded slowly, trying to smile as much as possible. “Well, that’s- that's great. Congratulations, I-“ 

“Listen, I got the house, but… I would like to say _we_ got the house.” Hikaru continued, smiling hopefully as the doctor stared in surprise. “You know I was after that house since forever, and it wasn't just because I wanted it for myself. I hoped we could move there.” 

“You mean- together?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are you guys serious?” Jim murmured, following the discussion with eyes wide open.

“I wanted to ask you when you told me about that offer you got from New York, months ago, but then you refused it… So, I wanted to be sure to get the house before asking you again. We've lived together for almost a year here, by now, and- it kind of works, right?” 

“Yeah… I mean, yes, it does. We do.” Leonard wanted to say something meaningful, but the blabbing was all he could manage at the moment.

Hikaru noticed him keeping his eyes down. “I’m not asking you to drop everything and move today. Think about it, and then tell me your decision, whatever it will be.” 

Jim leaned forward to look past Hikaru, and he could _feel_ more than seeing the doctor’s discomfort. 

“You said you’ll have to stay mostly on the east coast next year…” Leonard slowly said. 

“I will. That's also why I tried to get that house... Not that I was expecting to actually get it." Hikaru nodded, staring at him with a little, hopeful smile. "I'll be back here in a week, but just for a day. Think you’ll manage to give me an answer by then?” 

“I…” Leonard took a deep breath, starting to feel as if they were talking underwater. 

“I love what we have here,” Hikaru came to help, taking his hand, “but I love you more, and I’d like for us to stay as close as possible... And see each other for more than a few days every month.” 

Leonard sighed, smiling a bit. “I’d like that too. It’s just…” 

“I told you, you don’t have to answer now. It’s hard enough to keep my hopes down, but I'm trying,” Hikaru said, laughing nervously.

“Well, if you put it this way…” the other snorted, giving him an apologetic look.

They both laughed, and Hikaru squeezed his hand a bit more. “Take the next week to think about it. If you’ll need one or another six months to come to New York, I’ll wait for you, but...” 

Leonard was already nodding. “I’ll give you an answer once you come back, I promise.” 

Hikaru then smiled, relieved, and they hugged again. 

Jim leaned against the seat, staring at the ceiling. “This is just getting better and better…” he murmured, wishing they could hear him. The last thing he wanted was to leave San Francisco, but, if Leonard really wanted to, there was nothing he could do to stop him.

A few days after Hikaru left, Jim was marching back and forth in front of the Sacred Heart Hospital, under the rain that couldn’t hit him, trying once again to call Nyota. He left Leonard to his work while he walked outside the building because between his own tension and Leonard’s, Jim was slowly going insane. 

“Why give me a phone if you never answer my calls!?” He snapped, closing the call once again. _Maybe she’s really angry… Maybe she doesn’t want to have to deal with me anymore_. Jim hated himself for that thought, but what other reason could it be for Nyota to ignore him for so long? 

Before try calling again, Jim turned to the hospital and teleported back to Leonard that was taking a break in an empty corridor, leaning on and watching out the window. “I thought you needed me… For some reason I still don’t know.” He sighed moving closer, noticing a cigarette between his fingers, but it hadn’t been lightened up yet. “You smoke?” he asked and, yeah, the man’s mind was clearly somewhere else at the moment.

After a moment, Leonard breathed out and took the entire pack of cigarettes out his white coat’s pocket, staring at it. 

“That won’t help. Trust me, I tried.” Jim said leaning against the wall, the phone still in hand while considering writing Nyota a message. “Thinking about now, I could have smoked a lot more...” He saw Leonard turning as well, facing him, still staring at the cigarettes, “And smoking doesn’t suit you, anyway.” 

Leonard sighed and lazily threw the box in a little trashcan while walking away. 

Jim left the wall, looking between the trashcan and the doctor. “Did you- did I actually did it?” he said with a little smile. “You listened to me?!” 

“Hey. Sorry I missed your calls. It's been a crazy day...” Nyota suddenly appeared in the corridor, two bags hanging from her shoulders, and she frowned at the amazed expression on his face. “Jim?” 

“I did it! But he- he wants to leave… Why you didn’t answer my calls!?” he cried just hugging her. 

“I- I’m sorry…?” she said, confused. 

After their sudden meeting, they moved into Leonard’s office, where the doctor was busy writing on the computer. 

“Alright… Please, start from the beginning.” She said dropping the bags on the floor. 

Jim was sitting on the armrest of the couch, tense once again. “You don’t know what happened few days ago? What I did?” 

“You mean the warning?” 

“So you do know...” 

“Of course I know. You’re under my supervision.” 

Jim felt scared and relieved at the same time. “Then why you didn’t come screaming at me? I thought you would be angry and drag back on the ship.” 

Nyota smiled caringly. “Jim, I don’t know about one guardian angel that didn’t get at least one warning, especially at the beginning. That’s the hardest time, we know that very well.” 

“You mean- it’s not that bad?” 

“Well, it is, for you. It is a warning out of three, but it’s understandable. I was surprised you were reacting so well to the whole situation from the beginning.” 

Jim nodded slowly, finally starting to relax. 

“Only one thing: can I ask you how it happened? When I left, everything seemed ok…” 

She tried to sound as gentle as possible, but Jim could still feel that painful sadness thinking about Sam. “I saw a car… My brother used to drive the same type. I thought…” he shook his head. “It was stupid, I know. It probably wasn’t even him.” 

“Feelings are stronger than you think,” she commented calmly. “Thinking about your brother make you wish you could leave Leonard to go see your family?” 

He looked down, nodding. 

She sat next to him, “Jim, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can assure you, no one would blame you for what happened.” 

“I told you I suck as a guardian angel.” 

“You don’t. Actually, the fact that you felt so guilty for your mistake only proves to me that you are perfect for the task.” 

“I just told you I almost give up on him-“ 

“And why you didn’t?” 

Jim looked at Leonard for a moment, sitting at the desk while sipping his coffee, visibly tired: struggling with the decision to announce to Hikaru, he wasn’t sleeping much. “I don’t know. I don’t like to turn my back on people, I guess.” 

“See? That’s good,” she smiled. 

“It is? I mean, we’re good? I can continue being his guardian angel?” 

“Of course. Leonard still needs you.” 

“Oh… Ok. Thanks.” Jim couldn't stop a sigh of relief. “Also, I think I know why he does need a guardian, now.” 

“Is that so?” 

“He’s having some life-changing decision because of Hikaru. He asked him to move to New York together.” 

Nyota studied Leonard for a moment, looking unsure. “When it happened?” 

“A few days ago, before Hikaru left. He’ll be back soon… Leonard should give him his answer by then.” Jim said, noticing how intently she was staring at the man. “You know something I don't know?” 

“Uh? No, no at all.” She said, but he wasn’t buying it. “No one is able to know what will happen to any human. They are too unpredictable until the very last second.” 

“_They_? You mean we’re not-?” Jim stopped himself, considering her words. “I guess we’re not human anymore, aren’t we?” 

Nyota shrugged. “I don’t consider myself one, but lots of us still think of themselves that way. It’s not something we condemn.” 

Jim didn’t feel ready to take that kind of decision yet. “What if he decides to move? I’ll have to go with him?” 

“Well, you are his guardian… I do wished for you to stay in this city as long as possible. I’m sorry if I made a mistake.” 

He saw her sincerely irritated at herself and almost laughed. “It’s alright. I thought that staying here would have been for the better as well, but maybe leaving will help to, you know, actually try leaving my past behind.” 

Her face lightened up a bit. “I really hope so, Jim. Still, I know it's not easy to move and live in a place you’re not familiar with. I’m sorry if that will be the case.” 

“You couldn’t know, right?” Jim sighed looking at Leonard stretching on his chair. “I’m more worried about him. He didn’t seem very happy at the idea to move either.” 

“It would be a new city for both of you, after all.” She nodded. 

“He lived here since birth?” Jim asked, watching her making appear once again her notebook. 

“Mh, no, he was born in Georgia. He moved here to study when he was twenty…” 

“And he _still_ have boxes around?” 

“He changed house three times, Jim.” She said with a tolerant smile. 

“Oh. Right… He moved once because of the divorce too?” 

“Yes.” 

He turned to her, waiting, “And…?” 

“And I’m telling way too much already,” she cut short, making the notebook disappear.

Jim sighed, thinking. “Well, Hikaru said Leonard was asked to move to New York as well, some time ago… And they basically live together already, so I’m pretty sure he’ll go.” 

Nyota said nothing, studying the doctor again with that intense glare. “With you, I’m sure he’ll be fine, whatever decision he will take.” 

“If you say so…” Jim let himself fall backward, laying on the couch. “When you said that I’m dealing with all this so well… I’m not.” He said staring at the ceiling. “I’m just trying not to think too much about anything, but… It’s hard. And being ignored is the worst. I can talk all day and he will never answer to me. He’ll never hear a word. It was driving insane until you decided to show up.” 

Her look turned sad as she nodded. “I know. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls.” 

“It’s not just that. What if you won’t be able to come back for some other reason? I’ll have to stay here talking to myself for years? Is that why you consider this a punishment?” 

“Well, yes. That is kind of the point. We give you the chance to stay in this world a bit longer, but no one will be aware of your existence because, for them, yours has already ended.” 

Jim took a deep breath, looking away, “Ouch.” 

“I- I’m sorry if I sound so cruel. I’ve been on the other side for so long, I sometimes forget how to express myself with newcomers.” 

“That’s why you don’t consider yourself human anymore?” 

“I think so, yes.” 

“But you were human before. I mean, you were like me? You have been a guardian angel too?” 

“It was a very long time ago. I don’t remember much of it.” 

Jim knew there was more she wasn’t telling but didn’t insist. “I’ve never been in New York.” 

She turned to him, smiling a bit. “Not even once?” 

“No, I was...” Jim forgot what he was going to say- for a second he couldn’t remember his own past. “I wanted to join the army… Like- my father...?” 

“Are you ok, Jim?” she asked, unsure. 

“Y-yeah.” Jim sat up, trying to collect all the memories he could think of: his parent’s names, their jobs, the house they lived in… For a terrifying second, he realized he couldn't. “Sorry. I’ve been the edge all week...” he forced out a smile, looking away. 

“I promise I’ll try to answer your calls and come visit as much as I can, but I have to go now.” 

“Sure… Thanks for coming. Sorry I bothered you so much. I was just panicking over nothing.” 

“I’m sure you’ll do your best from now on. Just don’t overthink about everything too much. And if you really can’t stop that, call me.” Nyota said with a smile, putting the two bags back on her shoulders. “See you soon, Jim. Take care.” 

“You too-“ Jim said turning to look at her, but she was already gone. With a sigh, he looked at Leonard that was swirling on the chair staring at the ceiling. “Same, doc… Same.” He said laying down again.

* 

A scream made Leonard jump into his bed early in the morning.

Jim’s eyes suddenly opened as if he felt that same flash of fear and quickly stood up from the couch in the living room, looking at the bedroom where Leonard was sitting with messy hair and a confused expression on his face. “What the hell was that?” Jim asked.

“’the hell?” Leonard murmured wearing a shirt and sweatpants, stopping in the kitchen. 

They both stood there for a second, listening until a low, creepy cry coming from the other side of the door make them shallow in fear. 

“We should go check…” Jim murmured turning, watching Leonard grabbing a knife, and his shoulders dropped in disbelief, “For God’s sake...” Jim snorted heading to the door, passing only his head through it, finding a little kid sitting in the middle of the corridor, maybe four years old, crying and looking around with scared eyes, clearly lost. 

Leonard carefully opened the door and his expression instantly switched from scared and defensive to confused and worried, “Hey… What are you doing here?” he asked throwing the knife away. “Are you-?” he stopped as the little boy cried even more, forcing him to cover his ears. “It’s alright! It’s ok, I know your dad! You are Michael, right? Mikey the tiger?” 

“The tiger?” Jim asked, looking between them. 

The little boy sniffed, staring at him between the sobs. 

Leonard smiled a bit, sitting down with him. “I remember your costume. When I saw you, I thought there was a real tiger in the building.” He said with an incredibly serious expression, earning a little smile from the kid. 

Jim just stared at them shaking his head. “And you were ready to fight him a second ago…” he commented laughing a bit. Lowering between the two, he couldn’t avoid staring at the smile on Leonard’s face: it was a bit different, more- mature, and he wished to see it more often... Jim wished Leonard would smile at him the same way, telling him everything would have been alright, that his new life as an angel wasn't that scary, after all...

“Come on, I’ll take you home. I’m sure your mom is-“ Leonard was saying, and they all heard a woman’s scream from upstairs. “She’s very worried, see? Let’s go back home.” He said offering a hand, but the kid just held on the side of his trousers and they headed to the stairs. 

“I’ll guard the door. That you left open, as usual.” Jim said staying there. He then heard the phone ringing inside and moved the check, finding Hikaru’s name flashing on the screen. _There’s only one day left_, Jim thought, wondering what would have happened after that. 

Leonard came back after a moment, closing the door and taking a deep breath, passing a hand over his face. It was only after he started making coffee that he looked for his phone, finding the missing call. Briefly checking the time, he called Hikaru back. “Hey, just saw your call... No, I was bringing a kid home,” he snorted, “No. James’s kid. Remember the Dylans, from upstairs?” 

Jim froze for a second, hearing his name called aloud. Staring at Leonard, he clenched his fists, feeling the urge to scream. “I hate this…” he murmured looking away, sitting on the bed, trying to calm down. 

“Ok… No, it’s fine. I’ll wait for you. We can just order something,” Leonard sighed, “Yes, I know. It’s hard to forget. I’m barely sleeping these days,” he said sitting on the chair. “It wasn’t a bomb, I told you. I just needed to think. Still do… Hey, I have one day left.” He laughed a bit. “Ok… Yeah. Call you later. Bye.” 

Jim looked up and he knew: Leonard’s smile was an answer as clear as the sun. “We’re moving to New York, aren’t we?” _But- what if I don't want to?_

The phone start ringing again, distracting Jim from his thoughts, so that he noticed Leonard’s expression switching again, only this time the smile faded and a tense expression took its place. 

Taking a deep breath, Leonard answered. “Hello?” he looked down, “Hi Carol. Yeah, I’m good. How are you?” 

Jim slowly stood up, moving closer. The atmosphere has switched as fast as Leonard’s expression. 

“Yes, I was- hold on, I’ll put you on speakers, my coffee machine is going to explode…” he said putting the phone next to the sink. 

“-doesn’t sound good,” a calm, female voice suddenly came out from the phone. 

“How’s Joanna?” 

“Your wife…” Jim murmured, “Ex-wife.” He also corrected himself. 

“She’s ok. She’s upstairs, preparing for school.” Carol said. 

“Good. Are you two coming back in town for Halloween?” 

There was a moment of silence, then Carol said, “I can try, but I’m not sure we’re gonna make it.” 

Leonard turned off the gas, staring at the phone with the empty cup in hand. “How come?” 

“That’s why I called you. Remember when we talked last time, about us moving from California?” 

“Yeah. Actually, I-“ 

“We might have to move next week.” 

He blinked, taken aback. “Next week?” 

“I told you I wasn’t planning to stay in California for long.” 

“I know, but we could have talked about this together. Last time you called me saying you were not going to move until next year and now…” He stopped and took a deep breath, placing the cup on the counter but without letting it go. 

“Leonard, we have to move. This house isn’t- we’re not happy here. I’m not, and Joanna have friends in Texas already. Her family is there.” 

“Right. Because I’m not part of that anymore.” Leonard coldly said, and Jim didn’t miss the flash of anger into his eyes.

“That’s- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. You know you are free to see her anytime. Actually, I thought you could even move closer to us, if you want.”

“Are you really asking me to move?” 

“I’m trying to find a solution that will fit everyone. You told me you wanted to leave San Francisco-” 

“We divorced, Carol, and now you’re asking me to follow you in Texas?” 

There was a brief pause, then she said, “I knew you would get angry because of my decision, so I thought-“ 

“I’m not angry about your decision. I’m angry because you’re taking my daughter away with you without telling me or asking me anything!” 

“I don’t have to _ask_ you anything!” 

Jim knew by now how good Leonard was at hiding his feeling, but his family was clearly a weak spot because the man looked ready to destroy something.

The silence continued until Carol took a deep breath and said, “Leonard, I can’t stay here, and we both know that. I knew you would get angry, but for now there’s nothing else I can do. I’ll keep you updated, so when we get there-“ 

“Don’t.” Leonard cut short. “I have no word on the matter, so why bother?” 

“Leonard, please…” 

“You’ve decided already, so go, but don’t expect me to follow like a dog.” 

“I’ve never-“ 

“Tell Joanna that I love her, and I’ll try come to visit her soon as I can.” 

Jim saw Leonard cut the call, and jumped back when he threw the cup against the wall, the pieces flying everywhere in the kitchen. He saw the man grasping hard on the sink, his shoulders rising and falling quickly, breathing heavily. 

Jim just stood there, staring worryingly at the man, this time not even trying to say anything.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning that this chapter is a bit more m/m explicit towards the end.

The day after receiving the call from Carol, Leonard left the apartment early in the morning. Before Jim could try to say anything, the man was already dressed and heading to the door. 

They walked in the chill air for hours until the shops started to open and Leonard got a coffee in a bar around the park where he and Hikaru used to spend their free time. He then decided to enter and sit down on their usual bench, sipping the steamy drink staring at the pond with a blank expression, a little frown showing how the battle inside his mind was still raging. 

Jim slowly followed him around, worried, but decided to stay quiet. Sitting next to the doctor, he could see the hand holding the coffee was squeezing the cup pretty hard. “You know you don’t have to follow her if you don’t want to,” Jim finally told him, “I know it’s your family, but you have to think about yourself too. Texas isn’t that far from New York, anyway…Kind of. It might be time to take and plane to win your fear of flying. I’m sure Hikaru would be more than happy to-“ he stopped as he saw the doctor shaking his head and lean forward, head down enough to almost touch the cup. 

Jim automatically tried to pat on his back, just to see his own hand disappear through Leonard’s body, so he quickly moved it back. “Being dead really sucks…” he nervously said, and then stared at Leonard, trying to stay determined, “So try to focus on what makes you happy before you join me on the other side. And if Hikaru is the one making you happy, you better try your best not to lose him.” 

Leonard took a deep breath that seemed to calm him down a bit. He finished his coffee and sit there for a while, until his phone beeped and he checked it, finding a message from Hikaru. 

Jim leaned closer to read: _I'll be home around 7 PM. Couldn’t make it earlier, sorry. See you soon, love you._ Looking up, he felt that strange feeling again watching Leonard smile a bit at the screen. “See? He really cares about you.” Jim murmured, realizing how close they were only a moment later, so he moved back, still feeling that vague warmth around himself. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

Leonard answered the message and then kept staring at it for a while before finally stand and slowly walk away, followed by his guardian angel. 

“Ok… Once he gets here, don’t panic. Just- act natural and try to stay calm,” Jim was saying walking back and forth between the kitchen and the living room while Leonard was sitting at the table, staring out the window. “There will be food, which is always good. And most importantly, try to stay focus, ok? Serious talk first, keep the flirting for later.” He continued, but the other simply kept ignoring him. “I’m sure you’re listening, somehow...” He sighed sitting in front of him, tapping the fingers on the table. 

Jim wasn’t sure how the evening would have ended, but Leonard seemed relatively calm- maybe a bit too calm. “I know it’s a tough decision, but I’m sure you two can figure everything out,” he said. “I was a bit scared to go to New York as well, but it’ll be fine. And I’m not saying this just because I have to follow you there no matter what. I think a change like this will be good for both of us, really.” 

Leonard flinched when the intercom rang and quickly stood to answer, hitting his foot against the table, letting out a nervous “Ouch!” while going to the door. “Yes? Oh- yeah… Coming.” He said and left, leaving the door ajar. 

“Maybe not _that_ calm,” Jim snorted standing as well, looking around. “It’ll be fine. Everything will be fine. New York will be fine…” he continued repeating until the door opened more and he was surprised to see Hikaru enter alone. 

“Hey, I’m home! You left the door open again…” he said with a tired voice because of the two large bags on his shoulders; he was still wearing his pilot uniform. He glanced at the empty bedroom, “Leonard?” Not getting an answer, he dropped the bags and his jacket in the living room and moved to the doorway, almost crashing against the man himself. “Here you are. Hi.” He welcomed him with a smile and a kiss.

Jim noticed the pin on the jacket, with the full name written in black over the golden metal: _Hikaru Sulu._

“Hey... I was getting the food. So it was you using the elevator?” Leonard asked.

“Sorry I stole it from you," Sulu said, still smiling, "It would have been romantic meeting in there.” 

“More than kissing into a cloud of chinese food?” Leonard asked, showing the two plastic bags into his hand. 

“Close enough.” Hikaru nodded letting him come in, closing the door. 

Jim was standing in the kitchen, arms crossed, staring intently at them. “Why do I feel like I’m the only one being nervous here?” 

“Hope you’re hungry because I tried to remember all the numbers you ordered last time…” Leonard said dropping the bags on the table, turning when the other took his hand. 

Hikaru was studying him with a more serious expression, almost worried. “You ok?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s been- an intense week.” 

“You tell me.” He smiled a bit, rubbing the thumb over his palm, noticing how he looked down in silence. “I know that ultimatum was such an asshole move from me. I’m sorry…” 

“It wasn't. You have your reasons. I understand, really. It’s ok.” Leonard quickly said. 

“I know, but after I left, I started regretting it. Buying that house, and living together… That’s not a decision you can rush. I’m sorry I forced you to.” 

Leonard sighed and just repeated, “It’s ok. It was probably for the best.” 

“It was?” Hikaru asked, unsure. 

“Yeah... We lived together for almost a year, already. Maybe it was time to… To clear our situation.” 

Hikaru’s smile lessened a bit. “You don’t sound too happy about it.” 

“Just explain to him,” Jim said to Leonard, “Tell him about Carol. I’m sure he-“ 

“I'm sorry, but I don’t think I’m ready. To move to New York.” Leonard said, voice trembling slightly at the end. 

“You _what_??” Jim gasped, staring at him in disbelief. 

Hikaru looked as much surprised as him, mouth still partly open, taken aback by that answer, so different from the one he was expecting to receive. 

“I’m sorry, really. I thought about it a lot- it was driving insane…” 

“What was _driving you insane_?” Hikaru asked, sounding more hurt than angry, “The idea of moving, or the idea of living together, or…?” 

“No! Don’t be stupid, I love you. I wasn’t-“ Leonard stopped himself and looked away, taking a few steps from him. 

Hikaru let go of his hand, watching him stand in the space between the kitchen and the bedroom. “Tell me what happened while I was gone.” 

“Nothing happened.” 

“Don’t lie to me.” 

“I’m not-“ 

“You wanted to move with me. You wanted to.” Hikaru insisted, taking a step closer. “Don’t tell me I’ve imagined that, because last time I called you, you wanted to come with me. Or where you just pretending?” 

“Leonard, just tell him-“ Jim tried again, just to be ignored.

“I wasn’t pretending.” Leonard answered. 

“Then what make you change your mind?” 

Leonard’s voice lowered, “Just a reality check.” 

“Just tell him the truth!” Jim yelled, but it was too late. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hikaru asked, his voice more serious now. 

“You asked me to take a decision and I did. I thought that moving to New York wouldn’t have been much of a problem, but… My life is here. I’m can’t just leave everything behind and-“ 

“Don’t you mean _someone_?” 

Leonard felt that like a stab in the back. He tried to hold his gaze, but being responsible for making Hikaru so angry and sad wasn’t something he was used to. 

“If it’s because of your family-“ 

“It’s my decision, ok?” Leonard interrupted him angrily. “That’s not your problem.” 

“Not my problem?” Hikaru repeated in disbelief. 

“_Now_ you fucked up…” Jim groaned sitting on the bed. 

“It is my problem if Carol told you something that make you change your mind about _us_!” Hikaru continued. “I know you care about them, I get it, but do you really want to put them first when it’s about your life? Our life together?” 

“I don’t know!” Leonard suddenly screamed, and then just dropped on the bed, face into his hands. 

Jim was sitting next to him and felt bad for the man, unable to fully understand what was going on through his mind- and afraid of trying to do so. He wanted to touch him, to help somehow, but he already knew it would have been useless.

Hikaru took a deep breath and moved closer again. “Leonard, I’m not trying to give you a lesson, here. I just… I don’t want anyone to stop you from having the life you want- from being happy. Not me, nor anybody else.” 

Leonard said nothing but lowered his arms, staring at the floor with a miserable expression on his face. 

“And to me, you are all I need to be happy. You know that, right?” 

“It's the same for me...” he said, voice breaking trying to keep down the tears. “You were all I could ask for. I swear, I’ve never-“ 

“Then, tell me what you want right now.” Hikaru said sitting next to him- exactly where Jim was. 

Jim was so focused on Leonard, he didn’t even realize what was happening until he found himself fused with Hikaru’s body: suddenly unable to move, he felt overwhelmed by that warm feeling again, this time stronger enough to make him feel dizzy and for a moment he thought he was looking through Hikaru’s eyes. “Oh no… what- what is this?” 

Leonard turned to him, eyes wet of tears, “I just want you.” 

Hikaru smiled a bit and held Leonard’s face into his hands, gently dragging him into a kiss. 

Jim heard himself gasp because he was following Hikaru’s movements and- he could feel Leonard’s lips through that kiss, somehow...? He slowly realized what was feeling were Hikaru’s emotions: his anger and fear to lose the person he loved; his worry and care for the man- and his desire for him. 

As they parted, Leonard and Hikaru stared at each other for a moment before kissing again, harder, laying onto the bed, starting to undress each other. 

Jim wasn’t sure what was happening anymore, nor _where_ he was, exactly. He knew what Hikaru wanted, clear as the sun, and Jim’s mind was chanting _do it_ on repeat, because Leonard was looking at him, wanting him, and, even aware that he wasn’t really looking at _him_, Jim couldn’t get enough of that look and those kisses. He wanted all of that… He wanted to feel all that one last time. 

Both completely naked on the bed, Leonard let Hikaru stay on top, making space for him between his legs while kissing, pulling on his hair just enough to spike the desire. He felt him moving and couldn’t stop a surprised gasp as Hikaru’s hand slowly moved to Leonard’s groin, gently guiding him inside. 

“You don’t have to-” Leonard breathed out, face flushed of a deep red, shutting his eyes for a second as he breached in and the other started moving, dazed by the view of Sulu sitting on him, lost in pure bliss.

“I want to…” Hikaru sighed, slowly moving up and down, a hand grasping Leonard’s shoulder while the other was on his chest, scratching a bit, and Leonard responded holding on his legs.

Jim could only stare down at Leonard, at his flustered face, starting to feel the same pleasure, the same need… Everything was hot and nothing matter except being there and _feel_. He missed that warmth so much... 

_Look at me,_ Jim thought, not even sure if he said that aloud, watching Leonard groan and gasp, _Please… I’m right here…_

Breathing hard, Leonard kept staring at Hikaru, and then moved a hand to caress his cheek, murmuring a sad, “I’m sorry…”

Hikaru slowed down, breathless, his face bright red. His eyes starting to get watery, but he smiled a little and kissed his hand. 

Jim blinked then, a sudden, cold feeling growing fast into his chest, and when Leonard pulled Hikaru down into his arms, it was like Jim was pushed away, falling backward and crashing on a floor. 

Confused, with the warmth and pleasure starting to fade, reality hit him like a punch in the face: he was back into the spaceship. Sitting up, he noticed all the consoles around were gone, and there was no view on the space outside, just a thick, gray mist. 

“Oh no… No no no...” Jim cried standing up, looking around the empty bridge, “Nyota, wait! I don’t-” he started patting all his pockets in search of the phone, but that was gone as well. “I didn’t mean to… I don’t know what happened down there!” he yelled at the room but got no answer. 

After a scary, long moment of silence, Jim noticed someone’s shadow appearing into the gray mist outside. “Nyota wait, let me explain!” he said running towards it, thumping both hands on the glass. “Something weird happened! I didn’t mean to get involved like that! I could feel what Sulu was feeling, just like with Leonard! I don't-” 

“Do you have any idea of the disgusting thing you have just done?” The shadow said with a cold, deep male voice that made the other step back. “Not only you forced your presence into someone else’s mind and body, but you enjoyed it.”

Jim felt each of those words like blades slowly, painfully thrusting into his chest. “I didn’t mean to! I had no idea something like that was even possible!”

“Still, you let it happen.” 

“I couldn’t move! I- I didn’t know what to do!” 

“You could have leave at any time, and yet you choose to stay.” 

“I didn’t know how!” Jim just repeated, starting to feel like a monster. _Do I force them to do it? Did I really…?_

The shadow moved away and disappeared. 

“WAIT! Please, send me back!” Jim yelled banging both fists on the glass. “If it’s really my fault, let me try to fix it before you can lock me in here forever!” He insisted, but there was only silence. 

Jim took a step back, scared of how Leonard and Hikaru would have reacted to what happened that night: what if Hikaru was going to get angry- what if he was going to hate Leonard because of it? 

“I have to go back! Leonard did nothing wrong!” Jim yelled at the window. Staring into the mist on the other side of the glass, he screamed in anger and put both hands over his eyes- then, a second later, he almost lost his balance: looking up, he found himself on the street, in front of Leonard’s apartment, under a gray daylight. Jim immediately teleported to him, right back into his kitchen, finding Leonard sitting at the table. 

Hikaru was wearing his uniform again, fixing the tie around his neck. He took a deep breath before leaving the bathroom, moving where the other man was, staring at him with an almost black expression. 

Leonard looked up at him, the faint of a grin on his lips. “We shouldn’t have done it. You can say it.” 

“Probably not…” Hikaru nodded, sitting on the chair in front of him. 

“It’s not your fault,” Jim said looking between them. “None of you is to blame. I’m sorry, I-“ 

“Are you sure about your decision?” Hikaru continued, and only when the other looked up at him, a bit surprised, he smiled slightly and said, “Nothing has changed for me, Leonard. I’ll always want you.” 

Leonard felt his eyes getting watery again. “Have you ever thought that maybe I don’t deserve you?” 

“Never.” He answered right away.

“Well… I’m telling you: I don’t deserve you,” Leonard said, he voice shaking a bit, “And you don’t deserve to be held back.” 

Hikaru’s eyes shine of tears. “You’re worth it.” 

“No. No, I’m not. Don’t ever say that,” Leonard said shaking his head. “You want that house. You want to live there, and you’ll do great. It's just me… I don’t know where to put myself on the map yet.” 

“With me?” Hikaru said, voice low, “Wouldn’t that be a good place as any?” 

Leonard laughed a bit, sniffing, unable to talk, so he just stretched an arm on the table, offering a hand that Hikaru quickly grabbed, as if he has been desperately looking for something to hold onto. “I don’t want to keep you waiting for me. You did it already, you- you literally saved my life this last year… After everything we’ve been through, I can’t ask you to wait for something that don’t even I know if or when it might happen.” 

“If all you need is time-“ 

“Maybe I do, but you don’t have to wait for me.” Leonard insisted. “I don’t want you to. What I do want, is that you go to New York and make that house shine like only you can do. I can’t even imagine the terrible couch you’re going to buy for it…” 

“Stop it,” Hikaru said looking down, sounding more serious, almost angry, but squeezing his hand even harder. 

Leonard swallowed down the sadness. Taking a deep breath, he kissed Hikaru’s hand and then squeezed it once last time. “Now, go, or you’re gonna lose the flight.” 

“No! No, come on, you can’t be serious!” Jim said looking between them in panic. 

Hikaru didn’t look up but then stood, letting him go only when they were too far to hold each other hands. He grabbed the bags and opened the door, stopped there for a second, and then left without looking back, leaving the door open. 

Leonard managed to hold on until then, but that detail somehow destroyed what was left of his strength and he started crying, hiding his face into both hands. 

Jim was at the door, watching Hikaru brushing the tears away while disappearing into the elevator. “It wasn’t fake…” he said turning to Leonard, “I didn’t force anyone! He loves you! What happened tonight- you both wanted it! And you want to go with him!” he yelled smashing both hands on the table, watching him crying silently. “You’re still in time! Go after him and tell him the truth! Tell him that you want to stay with him! That you would live in a house on the other side of the world if that makes him happy! Just tell him!” 

Leonard sobbed one last time before, trying to calm down while staring at the table with eyes wet of tears.

“You know you want to go with him. All you have to do is tell him.” Jim insisted leaning forward and froze when Leonard looked up, right at him- or at the door behind him. They stared at each other for a moment, until Jim insisted one more time, “Stop him and tell him you want to live in that stupid house with him.” 

Leonard took a deep breath, thinking for a second before standing up and running outside. 

Jim’s shoulders dropped in relief. “About time,” he said with a little smile, following the man. “It’s gonna be alright, don’t worry! He can’t be that far,” he said teleporting back on the street, watching Leonard look left and right until he noticed a taxi on the other side of the road. 

“You should call him. Tell him to wait! I’m sure he-“ Jim turned around, watching the doctor make a run toward the taxi, unaware of the camion coming from the left. “LEONARD WATCH OUT!” Jim screamed with all the voice he had but no one heard him, and then the street filled with the screeching of tires on the pavement, and the screams of terror from the crowd after the crash.


	5. Chapter 5

A storm hit San Francisco late in the morning, a while after Leonard was transported into the hospital's emergency room, with a group of doctors and nurses following the stretcher he was laying on, giving orders.  
When the doors closed, there was only silence around Jim, standing in front of it, staring at the red light that flashed on above the entrance, indicating the start of the operation. 

Jim never left Leonard’s side until then, talking to him all the time he spent on the street, after the accident, and then inside the ambulance. He has never left his side until the man crossed that doors. There, Jim stopped, and in that silence, he failed to keep all his thoughts under control. 

_“You could leave at any time, and yet you choose to stay.”_

Jim took a shattered breath in, eyes stuck on that red light. 

Nyota appeared behind him a moment later, down the corridor. “Jim, are you ok?” she asked walking fast towards him. 

“_Am I ok?_” He murmured, almost laughing, without looking at her. “Are you really asking me right now?” 

“I was just told what happened. I-“ 

“You knew, didn’t you?” Jim yelled turning around, suddenly reversing all his anger against her. “That’s why you send me back? To make me ruin his life? To see him die?” 

“Of course not, I-“ 

“I know I made a mistake- a _gigantic_ mistake, but this? Isn't this too much? This was supposed to _help us both move forward_?” 

“Jim-“ 

“You knew I couldn’t help him, and now he’s going to die because of me!" 

“**ENOUGH**.” Nyota yelled back grabbing his arm hard enough to hurt, and he flinched before slapping her hand away, stepping away. “Listen to me: all I know is that Leonard had an accident, and I came here the moment I was told about it. I am sorry that you had to see it, but I can assure you that none of this was planned. No one could have prevented any of this.” She took a deep breath as he looked down, a desperate expression on his face. 

“It’s my fault…” Jim murmured on the verge of tears. “I told you being a guardian angel wasn’t for me.” 

“That’s not true.” 

“Leonard is dying in there!” he yelled gesturing at the door, “Because I ruined everything- because I thought I could fix it- and I got him killed instead!” 

“He’s not dead yet.” She said firmly. “He’s not. I would know if he was.” 

Jim shook his head, sitting down on the floor, face into his hand. “It’s all my fault…” he kept repeating, even after Nyota kneeled in front of him to hug him, letting him cry against her. 

When he calmed down, they moved to sit in the little waiting room close by and Nyota listened to what happened that night, her expression dead serious, but she never interrupted. Only when he took a deep breath and kept quiet, she nodded slowly and said, “Well… What a night, huh?” 

Jim looked at her in disbelief, “That’s all you have to say?” 

“Sorry. It’s just that I’m not very surprised- I mean about the _possession_, if you really have to call it like that, not about the accident.” 

“Then why you never told me I could possess people?!” 

“Because guardian angels simply can’t do that.” 

Jim blinked, wondering if he was talking another language or something. “What part of _I’ve pushed them into this mess_ you don’t understand?!” 

“Oh, please,” she scoffed, “You didn’t push anyone to do anything. I told you, it’s impossible for us to command humans.” 

“But I did! You just said I was possessing Hikaru and-“ 

“And I also said that _possession_ is not the right term to describe what happened tonight,” she stopped him. “I told you that we can’t make humans do what we want, didn't I? We can’t give them orders, and I can guarantee we can’t possess them either.” 

“You sure about that? Because tonight was-” 

“Tonight has been an unlucky series of events. You still being so attached to the human world, and Hikaru being without a guardian angel at that moment… I would say both of you were eager to bond with Leonard for, well, different reasons.” She calmly explained, and he looked down, embarrassed. “You didn’t possess Sulu, nor forced him to do anything he didn’t want to do himself. You just became his guardian angel for a moment and- helped him follow his heart.” 

“But- but Leonard was there too. I’m _his_ guardian already...” 

“I know, but... Trust me if I say that this is a very rare situation… One of the rarest to happen, I would say. I know it must’ve been scary-“ 

“_Scary_?” he snapped, turning to her. “I was stuck in someone else body! I thought I was controlling him! Why you didn’t tell me that something like that was even possible?!” 

“Jim, do you have any idea of how many possibilities I have to consider already? For hundreds of angels, not just you.” 

“Then write them all down and make a book out of it,” he angrily said, standing up.

“How could I imagine that you would have-” 

“Because that’s James Kirk for you! Always prepare for the most terrible and unpredictable situation, because no doubt I’ll pick that one! And get someone killed in the process!” 

Nyota watched him turning around, taking a few steps away, and they both kept silent for a moment. Then, she slowly said, “Still, what happened is not your fault.” 

“If I’d stayed on that stupid ship, none of this would have happened in the first place.” Jim kept staring at the emergency room, at the red light still on, and then turned to her, “Why you let him send me back?” 

“I didn’t…?” She said, unsure. 

“Are you gonna play like this now?” 

“Jim, last time I saw you was after your first warning. As I told you, I came here soon after I was told about Leonard’s accident.” 

“Then who called me back on the space ship and then sent me back to Earth?” 

“You've been called back on the ship?” Nyota stood as well then, “Why you didn’t tell me about this?”

“I thought it was your doing, so…” 

“Tell me exactly what happened when you were there.” She said with a serious expression. 

He sighed, trying to remember everything: “As soon as I got free from Hikaru I found myself on the spaceship, but it was empty, no screens, no chair, and no stars outside, only- mist, I think. A man talked to me from there, but I couldn’t see his face, he was like a shadow… He then told me what a horrible thing I did- that I acted like a monster, to make it short. He then vanished, and I was sent back on Earth. In time to convince Leonard to go after Hikaru… You know the rest.” 

She nodded, clearly thinking about something. “Jim, I don’t know who that man was, but I can assure you that he doesn’t work for or with me. I would never let anyone talk like that to anyone, especially in this kind of situation.” 

“Can’t say he was wrong, though.” 

“He is. You just wanted to feel human again. That is something we all can understand.” 

“Aside from the part about using someone else’s body do to so…” 

“You were not using him. We can’t _use_ humans.” She insisted. “It would more correct to say that you managed to bond with Hikaru’s soul for a brief moment, and under specific circumstances that might never happen again.” 

“I hope so...” 

Nyota sighed, using a more gentle voice, “When I said that feelings are a very strong thing, I wasn’t joking. They are hard to control for the livings, imagine for us that shouldn’t be able to feel them anymore.” 

“That’s how it works?” he asked then, “I’ll forget how to feel too?” 

“Most of us do. Others refuse to, or they are still trying.” 

“I don’t think I’m ready for that…” He sighed, looking sadly at her, “You said that staying with Leonard would have helped me, but I’m not sure about that anymore. I still miss it. Being alive, I mean.” 

“And I'm not saying you to stop feeling that way. It'll take time." Nyota gently took his hand with both of hers, "What I'm saying, is that that doesn't make you responsible for what happened to Leonard.” 

“I told him to go. If I didn’t-“ 

“Maybe he wouldn’t have had that accident, or maybe it would have happened anyway.” She said. “We’ll never know for sure, but I do know that no matter what we do or say, we can’t interfere with the lives of the livings. All we can do is help them understand themselves, and that will inevitably lead them to face consequences, both good and bad.” 

“So we should push them to do something even if it’s dangerous?” 

“It is not up to us to decide what is dangerous for them and what isn’t. After all, we are not part of their lives,” she added with a more serious tone, letting him go. “We’re not even part of their world anymore.”

Jim wanted to admit that that idea was too hard to accept, but, instead, he asked, “What if he dies?” 

“I’m sorry, but I can’t talk about that with you. Not yet.” 

“But I'm his guardian-“ 

“If Leonard survives, will you still keep that role?” she asked. 

Jim looked unsure. “I don’t know if I should, but I can't leave him now...” 

Nyota smiled. “Then stay. If you change your mind, just call me and-“ 

“Ah, about that… I don’t have the phone anymore.” 

“What? How that happened?” 

“It was gone when I found himself back on the spaceship.” 

She nervously snapped her fingers, making appear a new one that handed to him. “I will find out who was the man you saw there, and I’ll have a very not pleasant chat with him. You have my word.” 

Jim forced out a little smile, and then both of them looked down at the device when it let out a short _dling_, and he sighed, “Well…”

Nyota took the phone, having the time to see a message saying: _Second Warning_. Her shoulders dropped, looking sadly at him.

“It’s ok. I knew it would happen.” Jim said.

She spared another look at the phone before handing it back to him. “I really thought you were not going to get another warning. Considering the situation…” 

“Considering the situation, I’m lucky to still be a guardian angel,” he said putting the phone away. “Honestly, I don’t know why I've not been locked in the spaceship yet…” 

“Because you are meant to stay here, with Leonard… Jim?” she called and he looked up, “I’m sure he will be alright. He’s stronger than he looks. And so are you.” 

Jim simply nodded, and Nyota was gone in a blink of an eye. Turning to the door, the red light was still on, and he stood there, waiting, closing his eyes, quickly finding Leonard’s heartbeat, weak and distant. All Jim could do was focus on it, hoping that could help Leonard somehow… Making him know that he was not alone.

Later on, opening his eyes, Jim saw the red light above the door was off and it was night outside. 

Rushing into the room, Jim found it empty. “Where are you?” he murmured, and shut his eyes again, teleporting in a different place in a second: it was a smaller room, with a large window facing the city; a couch and a wardrobe on one side, while on the other was the bed where Leonard was sleeping. 

Jim slowly moved closer, his heart clenching painfully at view: there was an oxygen mask over Leonard’s mouth; few cuts on one side of his face and a gauze around his head; half of his body was hidden by the sheets, so he could see that his left arm and his chest has also been bandaged. 

“You were doing way better without me…” Jim murmured watching the IV tubes connected to his other arm. 

Leonard’s head moved slightly then, and his eyes opened even so little, making Jim froze on the spot. The doctor blinked slowly and looked into his direction. 

“It’s ok. You’re gonna be fine.” Jim said without thinking, “I’ll stay here with you.” 

Leonard blinked again and then his eyes just closed, letting him drift into a deep sleep. 

“Was he awake just now?” 

Jim jumped and turned around, finding a woman with short blond hair standing in the doorway. 

“He was?” another doctor asked, standing next to her until she stepped into the room, checking the IV and then Leonard’s bandages. “McCoy is definitely tougher than he looks,” the other man continued. “You talked to the police, before? Do we know what happened?”

“Testimonies said he was crossing the street to get a taxi and didn’t see the truck. And the truck driver saw him too late.” She put Leonard’s files away, staring at the patient. “He’s gonna hear it from me once he wakes up. Risking his life in such a stupid way…” 

“Are you sure we shouldn’t call his wife?” The man asked.

“Ex-wife.” 

“Christine…”

“I still think he wouldn’t want me to call her.” She insisted, “And he’s under my care, so I’ll take full responsibility.” 

The man sighed. “There’s no one else we should call?” 

“I already tried, but they didn’t answer.” Christine gently moved some hair away from Leonard’s eyes and then turned to the other. “Let’s talk outside.” 

Jim watched them leave the room without fully closing the door and frowned, “That’s why you always forget your door open…?” he asked with a little smile that faded as he looked at the man laying in bed. He sat down on the couch, leaning his back against it, closing his eyes once again: the sound of the rain mixing with Leonard’s heartbeat became like a lullaby for the rest of the night.

*

Leonard slept for the next two days, even if Jim could swear he saw his eyes opening now and then, just for a bit, as his heartbeat changed as well.

In the late afternoon of the third day, they removed the oxygen mask from his face, checked the wound on his head and changed the bandages. 

Jim saw the large, dark bruise on his chest and part of his left side, and could tell from personal experience that Leonard got few cracked ribs. Still, what really worried him was realizing that there was a cast around his right leg, from below the knee to the foot. “He’s gonna hate it…” Jim murmured. 

It was in the evening, while Christine was checking Leonard’s medications on a folder, that the man opened his eyes and stared at her for a while before saying, “Chris-“ and started coughing right after. 

Jim stood up from the couch while Christine jumped, dropping her pen. “About time,” she sighed grabbing some water for him. “Stay still... You better not move for now.” 

Leonard obeyed, taking a little sip, coughing again and panting in pain and grasping on his side, “Shit-“ 

“That’s what you get for cracking your ribs.” She said putting the water away. 

“Wha… What happened?” he managed to ask, his voice a bit raspy. 

“You don’t remember?” 

He made a face, feeling pain simply by breathing. “I was- taking a cab…?” 

She nodded. “Yes, and you didn’t see the camion behind you, you idiot.” 

Leonard blinked, trying to remember. “I guess not.” 

Christine just sighed, shaking her head. “Don’t you dare do such a thing ever again, am I clear?” 

He smiled tiredly, unable to keep his eyes open. “Chris… I'm…” 

“You need to rest, but I have to ask you one thing first: do you want me to call Carol?” and she wasn’t surprised to see him shake his head in no. “Then I won’t. I tried calling Sulu, at your house, but he didn’t answer. Is he-“ 

“Don’t call him,” Leonard said, voice low, his eyes already closed, “Don’t call…” 

Jim heard Leonard’s heartbeat quickening at Sulu’s name, and slowing down only once he was asleep again. 

The storm outside started to move away from the city the next morning: the wind lessened, letting a weak rain gently pour on the streets almost in straight lines, shining like silver in the cold daylight. 

Jim was sitting on the floor next to Leonard’s bed, back against the wall, while Christine was on the couch, checking a few documents. 

“Doctor Chapel?” a nurse called softly from the door. “There’s a call for you.” 

“Yes… Thank you.” She nodded standing up, looking at the man sleeping peacefully for a second before leaving. 

Jim kept looking at the rain outside. He knew Leonard has been awake for a while now. The fact that he wasn't in the mood to talk was understandable. 

After a while, Leonard finally opened his eyes on the ceiling and let out a deep breath, followed by a low groan of pain, slowly placing a hand on his side. With a sigh, he turned to look at the door, blinking twice to clear his vision. “Hey…” 

Jim was looking down at the floor, wondering how long it would’ve taken for Leonard’s leg to heal. He tried reading the documents but he wasn’t a doctor, and Christine used to flip the pages too fast for him to finish reading a paragraph anyway… 

Leonard coughed a bit. “Kid?” 

Jim turned to the door, but there was no one. “What kid?” he asked turning to Leonard, and their eyes met. He knew the doctor was still looking at the door, but, double-checking, he found no kids there. 

They stared at each other for another second, then Leonard sighed. “Sorry, I thought… Never mind. What are you doing here?” 

Jim kept looking back and forth, getting worried. “Who are you talking to?” 

“To you, I guess,” Leonard said tiredly. “You know this isn’t your room, right?” 

Jim was suddenly frozen into a flight or fight situation- or ready to run but not able to move, more likely. 

“Are you- a patient of the hospital?” Leonard asked trying to sit, hissing in pain again. 

“N-no…?” 

“Then what are you doing here?” 

Jim tried to answer, but he had no idea what to say. _Is he talking to me?_

Leonard seemed unsure now as well, studying him. “Are you visiting someone?” 

**He’s talking to me?!** “Y-yes. I… I should go,” Jim managed to say standing up, feeling his legs like jelly. 

“It’s ok. I’m not angry,” Leonard reassured him. “Hospitals can be- overwhelming… It might be better to hide in rooms that are empty, though.” 

“Y-yeah. Sorry.” 

“Wait- ow!” Leonard gasped as he tried to lean forward, grasping his side. 

Jim stopped and turned around. “You shouldn’t-“

“Are you- sure you’re ok?” the doctor breathed out. 

Jim wished every day for those eyes to look at him, to be heard, and now that it was happening, he was scared. He could barely hold his gaze. 

Leonard studied him better, “Do I know you?” 

“No.” Jim instantly replied, probably too fast. “I mean, no. No, I- I don’t think so.” 

“I just feel like I saw you before…” 

“You’re probably confusing me with someone else.” 

Leonard nodded slowly, watching him turn to the door again. “What’s your name?” he asked, but the other didn’t turn around, just standing there. “I won’t call the security on you. I promise.” 

“It’s Jim.” He said turning just a bit. 

“Jim...” Leonard echoed softly. They stared at each other for another second, and the doctor just looked uncertain. 

“I should go now.” Jim cut short.

“Wait- ow- damn it!” 

Jim fled from the room and stopped only a few meters away, leaning against the wall in pure shock. Turning around, he noticed Christine coming back. 

“Well, you're recovering faster than I thought,” she commented, watching Leonard sitting and cursing against his pained ribs. 

“That guy… Can you call him back?” Leonard asked.

“A guy? What guy?” 

“Blond, with a- a green plaid shirt…” 

Jim was listening just next to the door and his eyes widened at the description. He jumped back when Christine poked his head outside the room, looking left and right in the corridor saying, “I don’t see him...” 

“He just ran outside,” Leonard insisted. 

She checked one last time and then moved back inside, “I would have noticed him. Maybe he left by another corridor,” she said, but he didn’t look convinced. “A friend of yours?” 

“No… I just found him sitting here.” 

“Sitting here? In your room?” 

“Yes.” 

She sighed, then asked thoughtfully, “Did he bothered you?” 

“No. He looked kind of scared when I woke up... Then he just ran off.” 

“You look pretty scary at the moment,” she nodded checking the IV bags. 

“Thanks for letting me know…”

“I’ll keep an eye out for him. If he comes here again, call for a nurse. You know, using this button right here that exists for that exact purpose?” she said gently poking it against his cheek. 

“There’s no need. He wasn’t doing anything bad.” 

“Enter other patients’ rooms is not something I encourage. Next time that happens, call. The. Nurse.” She said again, her tone clearly implying that there was no exception. 

“Fine… Where’s my file, anyway?” 

“Your file?” she scoffed. “You, sir, are going to have breakfast in ten minutes, then you’re going to sleep for the rest of the day…” 

“Come on, I can-“ 

“And, if you will take your medicines and do what the nurses will tell you, maybe, just _maybe_, I’ll give you a recap of your conditions this afternoon.” 

“You know that I’m a doctor myself, right?” 

“So am I. And I’m _your_ doctor at the moment, so don’t test my patience.” 

Leonard sighed, leaning back against the pillow. “Ow- Fine…” 

“Thank you for your understanding.” She commented candidly enough to make him smile a bit. 

In the meanwhile, Jim was still outside the room, hands through his hair in despair, “What the hell is going on??” 

Not surprisingly, Leonard slept for most of the day, and it was only in the evening that he and Christine started talking about the accident, after the nurse took the dinner’s plate away. 

“It’s not that bad, all considered,” Leonard was saying reading his own file.

“You mean considering having a leg and three ribs fractured, plus a concussion that cost you three stitches?” she asked, sitting in front of him on the bed. 

“I mean I could have broken my neck too. I’ll be fine in less and a month.” 

“In at least two months.” 

He looked up from the documents, “Do you really want to have me as a patient for two months?” 

“I do. And just to be clear, you’re not going to step in here for work before those two months.” 

“It’s just a few cracked ribs-” 

“Yes, and that’s not what I’m worried about. You hit your head pretty hard, and I want to keep an eye on _that_. Don't think that I'm not aware that your head hurts like crazy. That’s why I’m allowing this,” she added pointing her pen at the IV, where the morphine was set almost at the lowest dosage. 

“I can handle a headache.” 

“I’m sure you can. Even better at home, for two months.” 

Leonard’s shoulders dropped and he just let the files fall on the bed. “It was you who stitched me up that day?” he asked after a while and she nodded in silence. 

“You’ve been lucky,” Christine said, “On both, surviving the accident and the operation. I’ve never been so close to faint on the job.” 

“I thought nothing could scare you that much…”

She took a deep breath, shrugging slightly. “Well, I've never had a friend on the table before.” 

Leonard sighed, looking away for a second, “Still, you saved my life, so… Thanks.” 

“You're welcome.” She said poking at his shoulder with the pen, both smiling a bit. 

Jim was sitting outside the room, back against the wall, listening to them, trying to follow the discussion, but his mind was busy elaborating the fact that Leonard actually talked to him that morning. “How can he see me? Other people still can’t…” He said looking at the nurses passing by in front of him, unbothered. “Maybe it’s just temporary- because of the accident… That's why!” he gasped at the realization. “It must be because of that…” 

“Any idea when you’ll let me go home?” Leonard asked when Christine was about to leave. 

“If you don’t break the stitches, I might let you out on Sunday.” 

“Two more days?” 

“Got a problem with that?” she cut short. 

Leonard wanted to insist, but then just sighed. “No, Doctor.” 

“Excellent. See you tomorrow.” She smiled before walking away, down the corridor. 

Jim watched her disappearing into the elevator. He then stood, feeling his legs like jelly again. “Maybe it was just temporary and he can’t see me anymore,” he murmured to himself. After a moment, he straightened his back and _casually_ walked in front of the open door. _See? Nothing. It was just-_

“Hey- Jim?” 

Jim froze, secretly happy, but clearly terrified: if Leonard really could see him, what was he going to do? 

Leonard was sitting on the bed, leaning on the left to look outside, this time wearing the hospital tunic. “So it was you.” He said when the other carefully walked backward, in front of his door. 

Jim swallowed down and nodded, taking one step inside the room. 

“Still in visit?” he asked, getting another nod as an answer. “Is it your family, or…?” 

“A friend.” 

“Oh. Are they alright?” The answer was another minimal nod. “Good… Sorry for- all these questions. Interrogate people it’s a bad habit of mine… I’m a doctor too.” 

“It’s alright.” 

“Hope I didn’t scare you this morning?” Leonard asked, and the other shook his head in no. “Ok… Glad to know.” He kept staring, and when their eyes met, Jim quickly looked away. “I’m sorry. It’s just- I really think I saw you somewhere, before.” 

“I doubt it.” Jim snorted, unable to shut up. 

“Why?” 

“I- I’m not from here.” 

“Really? Where are you from?” 

“…Iowa.” 

“Iowa… So- you came all the way here to see your friend?” Leonard asked, impressed, and the other nodded. “Oh. Well, that’s- that's very nice of you… I hope they’ll recover fast.” 

Jim looked down again, and they both started to feel the silence getting awkward. “I should go now.” 

“Ah- sure. Bye…” Leonard forced out a little smile watching him leave the room in a flash. “What is wrong with me?” he sighed passing a hand through his hair, touching too close to the wound and letting out another pained “Ow!” 

Jim decided to stay out of Leonard’s sight until the evening of his last day at the hospital. Only then, he slowly passed in front of his room again, surprised to see the man standing by himself next to the bed, wearing some of his clothes, and a crutch close by. _What am I gonna do if this continue?_ Jim wondered staring in silence at the man, _I want this to continue, but…_

Leonard was taking deep breaths keeping a hand on his wounded side before he looked up, and his face lightened up a bit. “Hey, Jim,” he welcomed him. 

“H-hey.” He tried to smile back, taking that usual, single step inside. “Making progress?” 

“About time, uh?” Leonard laughed a bit, keeping his right foot above the floor, staring at the cast. “I hate this thing,” he groaned sitting on the bed again. 

“Maybe that would help,” Jim said pointing at the crutch. 

Leonard turned to look at it, “Yeah. Probably.” He said with a hint of sarcasm, and then looked back at him, “How are you? How’s your friend?” 

“Huh? Oh, uh- Better. Should be out in a few days.” 

“Glad to hear it.” 

“Are you going to leave too?” Jim asked, hesitant. 

“Tomorrow.” Leonard nodded. “You know, I asked you so many questions last time and I didn’t even introduce myself…” 

“No need.” Jim casually said, mentally facepalming himself. 

“No?” the other asked curiously. 

“I heard the nurse talking about you and- and your accident. Doctor McCoy, right?” 

He kept staring, nodding slowly. “Just call me Leonard. I didn’t know I was so famous…” 

Jim gave him a grin that lasted a second, then he noticed the doctor staring intently at him so Jim looked down again. 

“I'm doing it again... Sorry, but- I still think I saw you somewhere, before.” Leonard apologized.

“And I still think you’re wrong.” Jim thought that came out somehow rude, but he saw the doctor was grinning. 

“Fair enough. Anyway, sorry if I bothered you so much these days. From tomorrow I-” 

“It wasn’t a bother.” Jim quickly said. “I don’t know many people around here, so… Talking to someone was nice.” 

Leonard’s grin turned into a more sincere smile. “Yeah, same.” 

After a moment, Jim decided to make the jump, asking, “You don’t have- friends here? Your family?” and saw the other look down, the smile fading. “Sorry. It’s not my business.” 

“It’s fine,” Leonard said, his voice lower, tired. “Let’s say I feel like a stranger everywhere, at the moment…” he ended with a shrug.

“It’ll get better.” Jim blurted out, trying to hold his gaze when he looked up. “You’ll get better. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” 

Leonard opened his mouth to say something, but then just closed it, not sure of what to say to that.

“Well, I- I have to go. Take care.” 

Leonard watched him running away once again and just sighed in defeat. After a moment, he stood from the bed, grabbed the crutch and walked to the door, looking left and right, but Jim was already gone. Shaking his head, he moved back inside. 

Jim was hiding behind one of the vending machines. It was sad enough being dead, but realize that he and Leonard could have met at some point, and maybe become friends, just made it ten times worse.

The next day, after lunch Leonard started to get ready to leave the hospital, and Christine was there with him to help. 

Jim was peeking from behind the corner, waiting. “... and this is the problem: if he can see me, how am I going to watch over him?” he said sitting on the floor, next to a kid that was playing on his phone. “I doubt appearing in his apartment out of nowhere will go unnoticed, now… Or see me walking through the walls.” 

The kid yawned and continued playing, unbothered. 

“I should tell Nyota, I know, but what if she blames me for this? I did nothing, it just happened- and if I actually did something wrong, why I haven’t got the last warning yet?” Jim checked the phone again and then just sighed, looking back into the corridor.

“Is this really necessary?” Leonard asked sitting in a wheelchair, sounding both, irritated and resigned. 

“It is,” Christine patiently said holding the crutch for him, along with a little bag, while a nurse pushed the wheelchair out of the room. 

Jim saw Leonard turning to look in his direction and he quickly moved back to hide. 

Christine followed his gaze. “What is it?” 

“Just wanted to say goodbye to someone… Guess he already left.” 

“That Jim again?” 

“He said his friend was going to leave the hospital soon, as well.” 

“You don’t know the patient’s name?” 

“No…” Leonard sighed leaning against the back of the wheelchair while they started moving towards the elevator.

Jim looked down, that warm feeling slowly breaching into his heart, mixing with the guilt. “Maybe I could tell him. Try to explain…” he murmured, turning to the kid, “Risking get myself locked in a spaceship for the eternity and drive him insane, but…” 

Once the three disappeared into the cabin, Jim noticed someone else staring at the elevator after the doors closed, a man that then walked in front of Leonard’s room, looking around before moving inside. “Who’s that?” Jim said, going to investigate: from the doorway, he found the man staring at the bed; he had a curly and short black hair, and a tall body hidden by the long blue coat he was wearing, but that couldn’t hide the serious expression on his face as he turned around and left.

Jim kept watching him until he disappeared down the stairs. “Weird...” He commented before teleporting to the entrance of the hospital, just when Leonard and the others appeared in the corridor, so that Jim threw himself into another room with a gasp. 

Hiding behind a desk, Jim saw them passing through to the exit, and sighed, “Being locked in a spaceship sure would be less stressful than this...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might take a while for the next update because Christmas *cough*and MacGyver*cough* are kind of demanding my time.


	6. Chapter 6

Once they took Leonard back home, Christine cared to organize the medicines he needed to take, “…and these for two weeks. If you start feeling dizzy, or if your headache gets worse, call me. I’ll come back tomorrow and-“ she left the bathroom finding the man in the kitchen, looking out the window. “Leonard?” she called, but there was no answer. “Bones?”

Leonard blinked and turned to her, frowning, “You haven’t called me like that in years…” 

“Still works, though.” 

“Yeah, because I _still_ hate it.” He said sitting at the table, rubbing a hand over his forehead. 

Christine moved next to him, checking the bandage around his head. “How much does it hurt from one to ten?” 

He sighed, “Four.” 

“So you mean at least six?” 

“I mean four. It’s not worse than this morning. I’ll take some painkillers later.” 

“Alright… I've left all you need in the bathroom, but don’t overdo with those. Also…” she grabbed the crutch from the living room, handing it to him, “you better not forget this around. Use it.” 

“I don’t need-” 

“Yes, you do. I don’t want you to fall down the stairs and break your other leg too.” She interrupted and he silently looked down again. “I let you out of the hospital sooner only because you are a doctor too. You know how important it is to take these things seriously, so, please-” 

“Ok, fine,” he cut short, leaving the crutch against the table, “I’ll be careful.” 

Christine sighed and sat next to him, both in silence for a moment. “Where’s Sulu?” 

“In New York.” 

“For how long?” 

“For the rest of his life, I guess.” 

Christine looked surprised, “Bones, I’m sorry…” 

“It’s for the best. He was just wasting time here.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

“It’s the truth.” 

“You know how much he cares about you. If he knew about all this, he would take the first flight-“ 

“And I don’t want him to.” Leonard interrupted nervously. “I told him to go. It’s done- we’re done, so now, if we’re done sharing our feelings, can I ask you to leave so I can rest?” 

“Ok…” Christine softly said, but he didn’t meet her gaze. “I’ll come back tomorrow, in the afternoon, and don’t even try ignoring me. I’ll kick the door down if I have to.” 

Jim was listening from the corridor, standing behind the door and, as it closed, he smiled a bit watching Christine walking away. “I bet she will,” he commented. Leaning against the door, he could hear water running, and steps… Still, it wasn’t the same being forced to stay outside. “This is gonna be a problem…” 

“What is?” 

Jim gasped and turned around, finding Nyota a few steps behind. “You scared me!” 

“I thought you wanted me to come visit more often?” 

“Yes, but without appearing like this.” 

“You want me to send you a message next time?” she sighed, fixing the bag hanging from her shoulder. 

Jim actually considered it. “Yes. Yes, that would be nice.” He nodded, getting a suspicious glare in return. “So I can spare you the trouble to come here. I mean, if everything’s fine, there’s no need to bother you, right?” 

Nyota kept studying him but then smiled. “Good idea. Next time I’ll send you a message first, then.” 

“Cool. Thank you.” _She really doesn’t know what is happening? No one knows that Leonard can see me?_

“Anyway, why are you outside the apartment?” 

“Uh? Oh, well, he just came back from the hospital… I’m pretty sure he's exhausted, and I- I usually stay outside when he sleeps.” 

“That is not really necessary... Come on.” She said passing through the door. 

Unable to refuse, Jim slowly followed: the apartment was in mild darkness now, the blinds almost completely closed while Leonard was sleeping into his bed. 

“How is he holding up?” Nyota asked, both staying in the living room. 

“Worse than he likes to show, I think,” Jim said. “He should call Sulu, ask him to back, but he’s too stubborn to do that.” 

“You think you can help somehow?” 

“I don’t know… Maybe for now he should just- what?” he stopped, noticing her smiling. 

“Why are you whispering? He can’t hear us.” She giggled softly. 

“Right… Old habits of the livings.” 

Nyota nodded patiently before looking at Leonard. “He has been through a lot… Maybe you’re right: all he needs now is time to recover.” That said, she turned to him, “I have to admit I was worried, but you’re really doing great so far.” 

“Thanks… Just trying my best.” 

“I’ll leave you two be for now, then. Keep me updated, alright?” 

“Sure. And thanks for coming back so soon.” 

“Don’t mention it. See you.” She nodded once before disappearing through the door. 

Jim finally dropped his shoulders in relief. Turning to Leonard, he carefully moved closer: the man was sleeping on his left side, facing the windows, breathing steadily. 

Lowering behind him, Jim gently tried to place a hand on his shoulders, just to see it disappearing through Leonard’s body. “We still can’t touch, at least,” he whispered, staring at the man with no idea of how to handle the new situation. 

Jim spent the next day feeling like a real creep, forced to stay out of Leonard’s apartment, peeking inside only when he was asleep- and even if that happened more often because of his recovery, it was making Jim’s anxiety reach new, high levels. 

“This is like hardcore hide and seek…” Jim cried in the evening, sitting in front of the chinese restaurant located few meters away from the apartment, staring at Leonard’s window. He saw Christine hopping into her car and leaving already, but he simply refused to go back. 

“How am I going to convince a doctor that angels exist?” Jim wondered looking down the street, and something caught his attention- someone, to be precise: a tall man was leaning against a car not far from the building, head covered by the hood, but… Wasn't he looking at Leonard’s window as well?

“Why you look familiar?” Jim whispered standing up and moving towards him. When he was halfway, the man turned and walked away. Jim slowly stopped, watching the man blend with the crowd, trying to pinpoint where did he saw that man before… 

“Jim?” 

He jumped and turned around, but found no one. It was late evening, and the few people on the street didn’t seem to be looking at him. 

“Up here!” 

Jim looked up and there, at the window, was Leonard, waving a hand at him. _Goddammit._

“So it was you. What are you doing here?” Leonard asked. 

“Ah, I was… Going home.” 

“Back to Iowa?” 

“What? Oh- no… No, I mean- the hotel. Where I’m staying.” Jim noticed few people looking up at Leonard with a frown on their faces. _To them, he’s talking to no one_, Jim reminded himself. “Sorry, I have to go.” 

“Ok… It was good to see you.” 

Jim was ready to leave, but then shut his eyes for a second, hating himself, and turned around again, yelling, “Do you want to talk again before I leave the city?” and the little smile he saw forming on Leonard’s face made his legs feel like jelly again. 

“I’d like that. Want to come up?” 

“Ah- I can’t right now. How about tomorrow? I saw a park just down the street.” He knew Leonard needed to rest, but meeting at his house was out of the question. 

Leonard nodded. “In the morning sounds good?” 

“Sure. I’ll be there around 8?” 

“Got it.” 

Jim nodded as well and quickly walked away until he could hide behind a corner, leaning against the wall: he somehow got a chance to tell Leonard the truth. 

As expected, Jim spent the night walking back and forth in the corridor outside Leonard’s apartment, or going up and down the stairs through the entire building.

At some point, he gave up and carefully stepped inside the apartment, where Leonard was sleeping peacefully, and just sat there, in front of the door, trying to calm down. Closing his eyes, he opened them only when he felt a spike of fear, just in time to hear Leonard gasp a nervous “Shit-“ and ran into the bathroom, jumping on one foot. 

Jim checked the clock: it was 10 AM. He wanted to tell the man to stay home, to ignore the strange guy that asked him to meet in the morning, but, as Leonard rushed back to get dressed, he just teleported away. “He needs to rest. He shouldn’t go outside…” Jim murmured nervously, standing in the street outside, until he saw Leonard leaving the building. 

The doctor zipped up his jacket, fixed the hat on his head to hide the bandages and started walking as fast as he could, with the crutch under his armpit. 

“Just stay home, you idiot…” Jim commented, feeling guiltier than ever watching the man heading to the park, giving him no other choice but follow at distance. 

It took Leonard about fifteen minutes to reach his destination; once there, he started looking left and right, following the circular path inside the park twice. After that, he stopped at the usual bench, keeping a hand on the baseball hat, the crutch placed next to him, trying to regain some breath.

“It wasn’t that important,” Jim murmured watching him from outside the park, through the metal fence, feeling both grateful and guilty, “and it’s too late, anyway…” 

The doctor leaned his back against the bench, eyes closed eyes, murmuring a tired, “Why it keeps happening?” 

“Hey, you made it.” 

Leonard turned, surprised to see Jim standing a few feet away. 

“I was taking a coffee,” Jim said gesturing at the street. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming, so…” 

“I- I wanted to. I know I’m late, I’m so sorry...” 

“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have asked you to meet in the first place,” Jim said, noticing him looking down with sad eyes. “I mean, you just left the hospital- you need to rest. I should have thought-” 

“I wanted to come here today,” Leonard insisted, “but being late is becoming a habit recently… I’m really sorry.” 

Jim smiled a bit and nodded. “No problem.” 

“Thanks.” Leonard seemed to relax a bit, “Want to sit down?” 

“Ah, I’ll stand, if you don’t mind? I’ve been sitting in the café until now...” 

“Ok...” 

They both took a breath, and Jim took the chance to scan the area: luckily the weather wasn’t great, so there was no one in the park at the moment, but he knew he couldn’t stay there to talk for too long. 

“Can I ask you something- maybe a bit personal?” Leonard called him back to attention. 

“Uh- sure.” 

“Do you always look like you’re about to run away?” 

Jim saw the apologetic smile on his face, but couldn’t avoid feeling hit on a weak spot. “Yeah, I think so.” 

“I don’t mean to offend you. It’s kind of funny feeling like we’re on a countdown every time we met…” He laughed a bit.

“No offense taken,” Jim reassured him. The doctor was not wrong, after all. 

“How long are you going to stay? In town, I mean.” 

“I’ll leave in a few days.” 

Leonard nodded. “Is your friend alright?” 

Jim took a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts. “There’s something I wanted to tell you... About my friend,” he started, and the doctor nodded, waiting for him to continue. “Remember the day you find me in your room? I was there because I was told that my friend had died.” 

Leonard opened his mouth but then just closed it, too surprised to speak. 

“He got into a car accident, and he didn’t make it,” Jim added, wondering if he wasn’t talking about himself. “I didn’t know until I get there.” 

Leonard looked sadly at him. “I’m sorry for your friend, Jim. If I’d known-“ 

“It’s alright. I told you, it was nice talking to someone.” _It really is,_ Jim thought, forcing out a little smile. 

“I feel bad for bothering you so much that day…” 

“You don’t bother me. You’re kind of the reason I came back to the hospital… Pathetic, I know, but-” 

“It’s not pathetic.” Leonard smiled a bit. “Sometimes you find the right person to talk to in the strangest places.” 

“That’s for sure…” Jim sighed. “Talking to you helped me a lot, so I thought that maybe I could do the same for you.” Noticing him staring, he added, "If you want. I'm a good listener." 

Leonard let a moment pass, thinking, and then asked, “You know that I’ve had a car accident too?” The other nodded, “Well, I told you I have no one here, but… Maybe there is someone that would want to know what is going on, but I don’t want them to feel like…” 

“Like _I_ am feeling now?” Jim finished with a sad smile, and the doctor nodded apologetically. “I know what you mean, but I like to think that my friend would have told me about the accident if he could.” He said taking a step closer. If this was a chance to help Leonard, he wasn’t going to waste it. “You don’t want people to worry about you, I get that, but if they love you, don’t you think they would feel even worse knowing that you didn’t give them the chance to help you?” 

That seems to hit a weak spot, because Leonard’s eyes shined of tears before he looked down in silence. 

“Sorry. Maybe I’m taking it too personal…”

“No, you’re right.” Leonard sniffed, looking at the pond. “Maybe I should call him... In the worst scenario, he’s gonna hate me even more.” 

“He doesn’t hate you.” Jim scoffed, and the other looked back at him. “I mean, why should he? It’s not like you caused the accident on purpose.” _That was close…_

“No, but I shouldn’t have been in that street in the first place.” Leonard said, mostly to himself, “I should have packed my things and left with him, but I didn’t. None of this would have happened if I just-“ 

“You can still do that.” Jim gently interrupted. 

Leonard took a deep breath. “I don’t know anymore…” 

Jim was going to say something, but then noticed a few people at the entrance of the park and realized time was running short. “I’m sure there was a reason why you didn’t go with him right away. Maybe you just needed more time- or maybe you needed to talk with a weirdo like me to make up your mind.” 

Leonard huffed a laugh, “So you’re like, what? A guardian angel or something?” 

Jim froze for a second. “M-maybe? Who knows? You… Do you believe in that kind of things?” 

The doctor stared at him until he realized the other was waiting for an answer. “In angels? Well, I- I don’t know. I’ve never been a very religious type. Having someone watching over me all my life is… It feels reassuring and scary at the same time.” 

Jim slowly nodded. He wanted to tell Leonard the truth, but how? 

“It starting to rain again…” Leonard said looking at the sky, little raindrops hitting on his hat. He then frowned as the other man was nervously looking at the entrance. “You ok?” 

“Huh? Yeah, I just-“ Jim looked back at him in time to find the doctor standing, closer than before, so he stepped back. “I’m fine, but I have to go. You better go home too. Don’t stay in the rain, ok?” 

“Wait-“ 

“Sorry, I really have to go.” 

“If you want to say something, just say it.” Leonard insisted, not even trying to run after him, but Jim stopped a few steps away. “You listen to my problems until now…” he added more gently. 

Jim wanted to talk, to tell him the truth, and he _needed_ to talk to someone about what his life- his _afterlife_ has become, but, deep down, he was scared to lose the little miracle that was being able to talk with Leonard. “You owe me nothing. I’m glad that I could help you,” he said trying to smile, and the doctor just stared sadly at him. “Don’t stay in the rain,” Jim said again before walking away, fighting the urge to look back. 

In the early evening Jim was sitting on the sidewalk in front of Leonard’s house, partly hidden by a tree, still blaming himself for being such a horrible person, _and_ a terrible guardian angel. 

He knew the doctor was cooking at the moment, but he couldn’t stand the idea of going back and stay outside the apartment, so he just sat there, staring the phone in his hands- at the message he tried to write to Nyota before deleting it once again.

“She’s gonna lock me in that spaceship and threw the key away…” Jim murmured putting the phone away, noticing someone staring at building from the other side of the road, smoking a cigarette. “Is that…?” Jim stood and crossed the street, but once on the other side, the man was already gone. _Wasn’t that the same man I saw before…?_

“Are you doing it on purpose?” 

Jim jumped and turned around. Then, looked up. 

Leonard was at the window again. “The door’s open. Come on up.” 

“N- no, look, I was just-“ 

“Third floor. Don’t make me come down there to get you.” That said, Leonard disappeared, closing the window. 

Jim sighed, turning to check for that mysterious man that was gone once again, before teleporting to the third floor, staring at the open door ahead. “Ok. Last chance. If things start to go wrong, I can always leave, call Nyota and give up on the job…” he murmured moving forward. _If things don’t go wrong- I have no idea what I’m going to do then._

Leonard was drinking a glass of water when he saw him on the doorstep. “You told me not to stay in the rain and then you camp in front of my house?” He didn’t sound angry. A bit curious, maybe. 

“Sorry… I was about to leave.” 

“I don’t mean it that way. Come on in. Close the door and-“ 

“I'm serious. I can’t stay.” _Close the door? As if I can…_

Leonard sighed, trying to keep his balance without the crutch. “Jim, I don’t want you to go back home like this. I’m telling you as a doctor, and as a- as someone that thinks you’re a good guy. Whatever you need to say, just spit it out. I’ll help if I can.” 

Jim looked away, not sure if that was the right moment to confess everything or not- so he digressed, “Do you always open your door to the desperate people you meet?” 

“I’ve been told that I have a problem with leaving doors open, but, no, I usually don’t invite people in like this. I don’t know what’s different with you,” he said studying him, and then noticed him looking down, uncomfortable. “Hey, I know we’re basically strangers, but you helped me anyway. I just want to return the favor.” 

“And I appreciate it, but-“ 

“I know you have to leave soon, so, please, if I can do anything...” Leonard left his offer there, one more time.

Jim took a deep breath, thinking. “Ok… Ok, but you have to promise me you will listen until the end.” 

“Of course.” He nodded seriously, putting down the glass, waiting. 

“And that you’ll try to stay open-minded.” 

“I can do that,” he confirmed, tilting his head a bit. 

“Alright… Do you remember what we talked about in the park? About destiny and- and angels?” 

“Yes?” 

“It’s about that. The- the angel thing. Guardian angels, to be precise.” 

“Ok…” Leonard nodded slowly. 

“Do you think they exist?”

“Well, I… I’m not one that goes judging people’s beliefs. And if that helps you feeling better, you shouldn’t care about what others think.” 

"I know, but I'm asking you now." Jim said, and his shoulders dropped a bit as the other sighed, looking away, “It’s hard to believe, isn’t it?” 

"Maybe not, but..." Leonard shrugged, trying not to sound rude, “For someone, it might be.” 

“If you’d meet one, would you believe it?” Jim asked. It was too late to stop, anyway.

“Meet one?” Leonard frowned. “Why, did you-?“ he stopped as if he just understood something. “Jim, I know losing a friend is hard…” 

Jim sighed. “That’s not what I mean…” 

“You can’t deal with it in a few days. What you’re feeling now is totally understandable. Everyone face the loss in different ways.” 

Jim knew Leonard was going for the most logical approach, but… “I know, but what I’m trying to say is that I-“ 

“Doctor?” Mike appeared just then on the doorstep, behind Jim, “Mommy told me to bring you some cake.” He said keeping a little plastic box into his hands, “Because you’re hurt.” 

“Hey, Mike… Come on in. Where’s your mom?” 

“She’s waiting in the corridor.” He said trotting towards him- passing straight through Jim’s body. 

Jim gasped, raising his arms in fear while the little boy nonchalantly crossed the living room and stopped in front of the doctor, offering the cake. Looking up, Jim shut his mouth in terror, as Leonard has frozen with his hands halfway to grab the box: he was staring at Jim with eyes wide open- hard to tell if he was even breathing. 

Mike looked puzzled at him. “You don’t want the cake?” 

“Y-yes. T-thank you.” He managed to answer, but the kid had to drop the box into his hands. 

“I go now. Mom is waiting. Bye-bye.” The kid said waving a hand while turning around, passing through Jim once again before leaving the apartment. 

“Ugh- I should’ve moved.” Jim gasped again. After the door closed, he looked at the doctor, immobile with the box into his hands. “Ok, look- I know you’re scared now, but I promise, everything's alright. I’m not… Leonard?” he stopped because the doctor wasn't even blinking anymore, passing out a moment later.

*

Leonard woke up the next morning, groaning as the pain coming from his head welcomed him back into the world.

“Can’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

Turning a bit, he found Christine standing next to his bed, removing a needle from his arm: they were at the hospital again. 

“You were not bleeding, luckily, but damn, Bones, you scare me like that one more time and I’ll make you.” She continued, her voice harsh, but her hands were so gently checking the bandage around his head. 

“What…? What happened?” he asked. 

“You don’t remember?” 

“I was at home- cooking?” 

“I could barely see because of the smoke. You need a new frying pan, by the way.” Christine nodded, checking his pupils. “You know what happened after that?” 

“I think someone was in my apartment…” 

“Who?” 

“I don’t know… I let him in to- to talk…” 

“A man? His name’s Jim?” she asked, nodding at his surprised face. “You were mumbling his name while we were waiting for the ambulance. Did he attacked you?” 

“What? No. No, I... I saw him outside,” Leonard kept murmuring, trying to remember, and then just sighed, putting a hand over his eyes, “I probably scared him to death… Where is he?”

“I don't know. There was no one in the apartment and the door was closed. I saw the smoke and decided to break in.” 

“You break into my apartment?” 

“You think I was joking about kicking the door down?” 

Leonard sighed again, “I just wanted to help him, not traumatize him even more.” 

“That’s not an excuse for leaving you unconscious on the floor. He could have at least call for help.” 

“I don’t blame him.” He said slowly sitting up, massaging his side, noticing he was wearing the clothes of the day before. “Why did you come to my house, anyway?” 

“To check on you, and you’re lucky that I did,” she said. “That’s why I wanted you to stay here. You need to rest and heal, and clearly you’re not doing any of that at home.” 

“I am. I- was. I don’t know why I’ve fainted like that...” 

“Well, doing a scan we will know.” She said, getting a nervous glare in return. “Just in case. I don’t want to risk that we missed something,” Christine continued more gently, “And you’re talking about this Jim since you were here…” 

“And...?” 

“I'd just like to meet him too.” 

“Why? So you can-“ Leonard stopped, unsure, but he was a doctor too, and follow her line of thoughts wasn’t hard. “Are you serious?” 

“I’m just saying-“ 

“You’re saying that I’m having hallucinations.” He angrily interrupted. “The accident, the head wound… Do you really think I’m making this up? He was here, I talked to him- he was in my apartment.” 

“And I believe you, but, as your doctor, I want to make sure we’re taking care of you the better way we can.” 

Leonard’s mood just turned for the worse. “You do that, but don’t expect me to thank you for thinking that I’m insane.” 

“I’ve never said that.” 

“But that’s what you’re thinking.” 

“I’m just trying to consider all the options…” 

“Another option is that you just haven’t seen the guy because he keeps running away every damn time we meet!” 

Jim shut his eyes for a moment as Leonard yelled, listening from outside the room, standing next to the door. 

Christine breathed out, waiting for him to calm down. “We both know the first scan showed nothing, and high chances are that the second will be just the same, proving that _I am_ the one overreacting. You know that-” 

“Get out.” He said and, when she didn’t move, added, “Do whatever scan you want, but if you don’t have results to show me, we’re done talking.”

“Leonard, I’m just-“ 

“I know. Do it, and then let me know. I’m not staying here today.” 

“You should.” 

“But I won’t.” 

Christine sighed and then nodded. “I’ll bring you the documents to sign.” She said before leaving the room. In the corridor, a nurse stopped her.

“Is everything alright?” She asked. 

“Yes, Doctor McCoy is just tired of me,” Christine said with a little, sad smile. 

“I told you he would have got angry because of the tapes…” 

“I haven’t told him about that yet. He’s not very inclined to talk at the moment.” 

“Tapes?” Jim murmured, suddenly looking at the ceiling and his shoulders dropped as he spotted one camera in the middle of the corridor, not too far from Leonard’s room. “Oh no…” 

“But we saw-“ the nurse continued. 

“We saw him talking to someone that might have been simply out of the view,” Christine finished for her, each word pronounced clear and strong. “I want to be completely sure before start making assumptions about a colleague’s mental health, so keep that for yourself. I need the results of the scans as soon as possible…” 

Jim watched them leaving, then turned to the room: peeking inside, he felt even worse finding Leonard sitting on the bed, both hands covering his face, shaking a bit as he was trying his best to breathe slower. “Damn it…” Jim hissed teleporting outside the hospital. “I’m making everything worse. **Everything**.” He angrily said grabbing the phone and calling Nyota. “I just wanted to talk to him, and now he’s going insane because I- h-hey Nyota, how are you?” 

“Pretty good, thanks. The phone is working, that’s a relief,” she said with her usual serene voice. 

“Y-yeah, it works.” 

“So, is everything alright?” 

Jim hesitated for a moment, conflicted between tell the truth and lose Leonard forever, or lie, praying he could still fix the situation by himself, somehow. 

“Jim?” 

“Yes. Everything’s fine,” he said shutting his eyes, hating himself the moment he said that. 

“Great. Is Leonard recovering well?” 

“Yes, he- he’s at the hospital for a checkup.” 

“I really wish him the best. He deserves some peace after everything he’s been through.” 

“He sure does…” Jim sighed, sitting on the sidewalk. 

“Are you sure you’re ok Jim?” 

“Can I ask you something weird?” 

“Sure…?” 

“I know humans can’t see nor hear us, but- that has never happened before? Not even once?” 

This time, there was a pause from Nyota’s side, and then her voice was more serious, “Why you ask?” 

“Just wondering. I’ve been here for a while, so…” 

“I knew this was going to happen, sooner or later…” she sighed. 

Jim froze. “What do you mean?” 

“You’re getting attached to Leonard, aren’t you?” 

Jim blinked a few times. “Attached…?” 

“It’s not like we can prevent you from feeling a sort of friendship growing between you two. It’s normal, considering you are able to know him so deeply.” 

“Oh… No, I- I mean, I care about him- about his wellbeing, sure, but… I was just wondering, really. That’s all.” 

Nyota laughed a bit and then said, “Well, some people can be more _inclined_ than others to hear our voices…” 

“Really?” 

“It happened maybe- six times since I’m here, and I’ve been here for a _vey long time_… Luckily, no one has ever been able to see us,” she laughed again, “That would be a bigger problem.” 

“Yeah…” 

“Why are you so curious about it? Don’t tell me you think Leonard can hear you?” 

Jim just wanted to lay down and cry. “I don’t think so. I mean, can you imagine if he was suddenly able to hear me? Or _see_ me? That- that would be like- _woah_, right?” 

“Indeed. Something like that would be very difficult for any human to handle... Maybe even make them question their sanity.” She said, sounding more serious. 

Jim took a deep breath, saying nothing. 

“Anyway, as long as you keep doing your part, it’ll be fine. Now, sorry, but duty calls. Keep me updated, alright?” 

“I will. Bye.” Jim closed the call and his shoulders dropped, staring at the phone. He knew the most reasonable choice was to tell Nyota the truth, but Jim wasn’t the type to give up easily… Something was telling him that he couldn’t do that yet. Somehow, he knew his place was next to Leonard- and to do that, he needed to fix the mess he has made.


	7. Chapter 7

Christine managed to convince Leonard to stay at the hospital until the afternoon, so that she would be able to escort him back home. The doctor refused at first but, eventually, give up, and they headed to his apartment together in silence.

“You have to follow me to the door?” Leonard tiredly said once they moved out of the elevator.

“No, but I want to,” she said, hands into the pockets of her jacket. 

Leonard sighed and opened the door, both of them coughing at the smell of burned food still lingering inside.

Christine watched him inspecting the kitchen, “Leonard, about what I said before…” 

“You mean about planning a meeting with my imaginary friend?” 

“I’m serious. And I don’t want you to joke about it so lightly.” She said, and he just held her gaze in silence. “I want you to take this seriously, because I know how hard it is for you, already.” 

Leonard turned around, walking into the living room. 

“If I’m wrong, that’s on me, and I’ll be the first to apologize to both, you and Jim, but if you have the slightest hint that something might be wrong, I want you to know that you can tell me. I’m here to help.” She said and, when he kept quiet, added, “I’ll come back tomorrow as soon as I get your results. Before lunch, if I manage. Sounds good?” 

“Yeah…” he murmured sitting on the couch. 

Christine stood next to it. “I mean it. If you need anything, just call me. If you’re in pain, or if you just want to talk-” 

“Jim’s real.” Leonard suddenly said without looking at her. “He has to be. Chris, I’m not- I can’t deal with this too…” 

She sat down and hugged him, feeling him instantly returning the gesture.

Jim kept his eyes down, standing next to the door once again left ajar, feeling the guilt getting heavier on his shoulders. 

The next day, both Leonard and Jim were walking back and forth, one inside the apartment, the other outside, in the corridor, waiting for Christine to arrive with the results of the scan. 

Jim could hear the thumps of the crutch on the floor and started counting them, trying to match his steps with it. “He’ll be fine. His brain is fine. With that out the way, I can try to talk to him again…” Jim kept murmuring to himself. He then heard the intercom ringing inside the apartment, and Leonard answering, opening the door, so he teleported away in a flash. 

Once Christine reached the third floor, she found her friend waiting on the doorstep with a tense expression on his face. She smiled a bit, asking, “Can we talk inside?” and he nodded. 

As the door closed, Jim reappeared in the corridor, running towards it to listen. 

Christine handed the documents that Leonard refused to take, just staring between them and her. “Based on the scan, everything’s fine in that big head of yours.” She said. 

Leonard’s and Jim’s shoulders dropped in relief at the same time, and the doctor finally accepted the file: the results were exactly the same as the previous ones, nothing unusual. “So now you believe me?” 

“I have no problem admitting when I’m wrong. I still can’t fully explain a few things, but that can wait. I hope I will meet your friend soon. After all this, I can’t deny I’m curious to know this Jim.” 

“I haven’t seen him since the day I fainted…” Leonard said leaving the file on the table, meeting her calm gaze. “A part of me knows that he was probably done with me and just ran back home, but- if he didn’t…”

“Bones…“ 

“I talked to him, Chris. He was standing right where you are now. If it was a hallucination, it was a damn good one, because he- he really helped me.” 

“And I’m glad about that. I just thought that maybe it was just you helping yourself... A way to deal with everything that happened lately.” She said, patting a hand on his shoulder when he looked down. “Anyway, now you don’t have to think about him. You need to recover, so take it easy and try to relax. And if Jim comes back one day, convince him to stay for dinner so we all can have a nice chat together.” 

“I’ll try…” He said with a little smile. 

“I have to go back to the hospital now. I’m not sure if I going to make it this evening, so I’ll try to pass by tomorrow.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“No, but bothering you is my favorite hobby.” She winked, making him laugh a bit.

Leonard followed her to the door. “Thank you. For everything.” He said, watching her disappear down the stairs, then the phone started ringing and he walked back inside. 

Jim peeked out the corner, shaking his head as he saw the door once again left open. “Ok. Ok, I can do this,” he said to himself heading to the apartment. “Just stay calm. Reassure him that he’s not insane and- that he can see dead people for some reason…” he stopped for a second, tempted to run away, but then proceeded to the door again. 

“…yes. Yes, I know…” Leonard was talking in the kitchen, crutch back under his armpit. 

Jim took a deep breath, standing in the doorway. _Maybe I should wait until tomorrow_, he thought, but then the doctor turned around so that Jim couldn’t change his mind anymore.

Leonard blinked a few times, his body going stiff. “Sorry, I’ll call you back.” He said and closed the call, placing the phone on the table. “You’re back...?”

Jim had to fight the urge to teleport away. “Yes. I… I’m sorry I left like that last time…” 

“Don’t move.” Leonard cut short and marched towards him that moved away, watching him slam the door shut.

Jim took another step back: now he was trapped in there. 

“Sorry, I don’t mean to scare you, just… Just wait here, please.” Leonard said and walked back to the phone, making another call, “Hey, Chris. Listen, can you come back here for a sec?” 

“Wait-“ Jim tried to say, but the other wasn’t listening. Everything was going bad _really_ fast.

“No, everything’s fine... Ok… Thanks.” Leonard put down the phone again and breathed out in relief. Turning to him, he said, “Really, I’m sorry. I just need to confirm something.” 

“Can you open the door?” Jim asked. He was getting nervous now. 

Leonard seemed to notice because he looked ashamed. “Jim, I’m sorry. I’ll-” he took a step forward and the other moved back again. “I promise, I’m not trying to- to kidnap you or anything, but after you left the other day-” 

“I’m serious.” He stopped him. “Please, can you-” 

“I thought you were not real,” Leonard confessed, blushing. “Apparently no one ever saw you at the hospital, and then I fainted and no one believed me when I said you were here. I started thinking I was just talking to himself…” 

“You weren’t,” Jim carefully said, “but they’re not completely wrong either… No one can hear me or see me. Except you.” 

Leonard’s expression switched from worried to confuse. “What…?” 

“You’re not imagining things. It’s just that no one saw me because they can’t. That’s what I-“ 

“Wait, hold on,” he stopped him, taking a step back, “You think this is a joke? Because is not funny. I was- I thought I was going insane!” He added gesturing at the files on the table. 

“It’s not a joke, and I’m not lying, I swear.” 

“Then what the hell is your point?” 

“I’m trying to say that you’re not crazy, I am really here, but…” Jim didn’t know how to continue from there, so he asked, “Do you remember what happened before you fainted the other day? _Why_ you fainted?” 

“I was just tired…” 

“It wasn’t because of that.” Jim gently pushed, “Try to remember.” 

“I don’t…” Leonard murmured, and then his eyes widened, staring at him. “Mike… I saw Mike- passing through you. Through your body.” He said and, as Jim nodded, he stepped back even more. “Is it true then…? Am I going insane?” 

“You’re not. This has nothing to do with-” 

“Why the scan didn’t show it…?” he continued, looking at the files with scared eyes.

“Leonard, you’re not crazy.” 

“It can't be… Oh no…” 

Jim could feel the panic growing in Leonard’s heart, so he took a step forward, “You’re not crazy, ok? I’m your guardian angel!” 

Leonard’s fear didn’t lessen one bit as he looked even more confused. “Guardian angel?” 

“Yes.” 

“A guardian angel… Right…” 

“Please, listen to me-“ 

“Chris was right. I need help…” 

“You don’t! You’re fine, it’s just-“ They both halted as the intercom rang. 

Jim saw him go for it and took his decision: he moved in front of him, and the doctor jumped back. “Please, you have to listen to me.” 

“Move.” 

“If you’d let me explain-“ 

“I said move!” 

“I was here way before the accident!” Jim insisted, not moving: he knew he was scaring the man even more, but giving up now would have destroyed Leonard’s life. “Remember the night when you got drunk and hurt your hands? I was already there.” 

Leonard kept staring. “So whatever I have, it started back then...?” 

“No- there’s nothing wrong with you. Come on, you’re a doctor, you know you’re perfectly fine.”

“Fine? I’m talking to- to a projection of my own mind!” 

“I’m not a- _projection_, whatever that means! I’m your guardian angel and you shouldn’t be able to see me but you do and I don’t know why either!” 

The intercom rang again. 

They kept staring at each other, and then Jim breathed out, trying to calm down, “I can explain everything, ok? But if you tell your friend that I'm here now, you know what is going to happen. And that scares me as much as it scares you, because it will be only my fault.” 

Leonard looked tense but held his gaze. “Move,” he said again, and Jim obeyed, stepping aside. Leonard pushed the button to open the door downstairs and then kept a hand on the handle, waiting. 

After a moment, Christine knocked on the door. “Leonard? Is everything alright?” 

He sent a look at Jim. 

“You can let her in,” Jim said, almost apologetically, “but she can’t see me or hear me. Only you can.” 

Leonard turned again, eyes closed; he took a deep breath and opened the door. 

She frowned a bit. “Hey... Are you ok?” 

“Yeah.” He said letting her in. Leonard grabbed the files from the table, staring at them, then turned around: Christine was in the living room, ignoring completely Jim standing a few steps away from her, still looking down in silence. 

“Bones, are you sure you’re ok?” She asked, uncertain.

Leonard nodded, moving closer to hand her the files, “You forgot these.” 

“Oh, that’s a copy. You can have it.” 

He kept staring and then nodded once again, lowering his arm. 

Christine placed a hand on his forehead, “Do you feel sick? You don’t look so good…” 

“I’m just tired.” 

“Yeah, no kidding,” she said, worried. “Try to get some sleep. Let that wound heal.” 

“I will.” He said, and then added a weak, “Thank you.” 

“No problem,” Christine said with a smile. “See you tomorrow.” 

Leonard forced himself to do the same. Once the door was closed, he breathed out, looking at Jim that was still standing there, clearly unsure of what to do or say. Leonard moved to the kitchen when his vision started to get blurry, so he closed his eyes and slowly fell on his knees, fainting again while hearing someone calling his name.

*

Jim didn’t know what he needed to worry more about, if Leonard laying unconscious on the floor, or the fact that he didn’t tell Christine that Jim was currently in his apartment.

Leonard looked pale, sure, but Jim wasn’t expecting for him to collapse like that and, sadly, he couldn’t do anything to help: trying to wake him up calling his name has been useless, so all Jim could do was sit next to him. 

“Come on, you need to wake up…” Jim kept chanting for a while, hoping to get in contact with the man _somehow_. “You can’t stay on the floor all night. You’ll get sick. And the stitches...“ Jim stopped and moved behind him, checking the wound. “At least they didn’t break,” he sighed sitting down again, staring sadly at him. 

Leonard moved a bit then, slowly placing a hand on his forehead and turning, laying on his back. Taking a long breath, he looked aside with sleepy eyes, “Jim…?” 

“Hey. You ok?” 

Leonard nodded, still staring, then his eyes widened, “You-!” he quickly moved away, hitting his back against the kitchen’s chair. 

“It’s alright-“ 

“What- where’s Christine?” 

“You fainted after she left, a few hours ago.” 

Leonard kept looking around the apartment, trying to remember. “She couldn’t see you…” 

“No. I told you, only you can. And before you say it again,” Jim anticipated him, “you’re not crazy. You are perfectly fine. I am the problem here. No one should be able to see me.” 

The doctor kept staring. “Guardian angel… You said-” 

“Yes. Yours. Your guardian angel.” 

Leonard didn't comment, trying to stand up. 

“Take it easy, ok? You’ve been laying on the floor for hours.” Jim said doing the same, and the cold glare he got in return made him step back. “Just an advice.” 

“I don’t need- advice from my hallucinations,” Leonard said holding onto a chair to help himself up. 

“I’m not a hallucination.” 

“Of course not… No, you’re clearly an angel that only I can see and hear.” 

“Yes. Even if you shouldn’t be able to.” 

“Then tell me, _angel_, why can I see you?” 

“I’m not sure, but it could be because of the car accident you had a few days ago.” 

Leonard’s sarcastic grin slowly faded and he turned to the documents still on the table. 

“Physically you’re fine. As you and your friend can see,” Jim insisted gesturing at the files. “I can’t fully explain this crazy situation, but-“ he stopped as Leonard walked away, standing in front of the bed for a moment, and then entered the bathroom. Jim waited, and then sighed, hearing him throwing up. 

After a while, Leonard appeared at the door. Looking up, he flinched, “You’re still here…” 

“I can’t leave,” Jim said. “I mean, I can if you want me to, but-“ 

“Leave.” 

That hurt a bit, but Jim wasn’t surprised by the reaction. “Ok… I will. Problem is, I can’t leave, like, _forever_, not yet, so… I’ll be in the corridor. If you want to talk or…” The doctor just kept staring with cold eyes, so Jim nodded and left, stopping in front of the door. Turning, he found Leonard still staring. “I can’t open doors, so I’ll pass through it, ok? Don’t be scared, it’s normal. For me. The door will be fine.” He tried to smile a bit before leaving the apartment. Luckily, once on the other side, there were no screams nor the sound of Leonard fainting again. 

The night passed slowly, with Jim unable to relax because of too many thoughts keeping his mind busy. Somehow, at some point, Leonard’s heartbeat started to slow down, probably because he fell asleep- exhausted, more likely. Only then, Jim finally closed his eyes.

When they opened again, the building was quiet, and cold daylight was coming through the corridor’s window. 

Jim stretched a bit, trying to hear anything from inside the apartment, but there was just silence. Standing up, he thought for a second and then decided to peek inside, just to be sure Leonard was alright. Jim’s head passed through the door: the place was in order, and Leonard was sitting at the kitchen table, asleep, with his head resting on top of his arms, still fully dressed. 

Jim sighed in relief and slowly moved closer. “I’m not making it easier for you, am I?” he murmured staring sadly at the bandage around Leonard’s head, the large patch covering the wound. Looking at the table, he noticed five or six books laying there and under Leonard’s arms. Giving them a closer look, Jim frowned and then his eyes widened, looking back at the man. “You still don’t believe me…” 

Leonard moved a bit, and then looked up, gasping and jumping back along with the chair, his heartbeat accelerating instantly, few books falling from the table. “Shit- I still see you…” he murmured passing a hand over his eyes, maybe hoping to make him disappear. 

“Sorry about that. What about these books?” Jim asked gesturing at them: those were all books about schizophrenia and mental diseases. 

“Now hallucinations need a culture?” the doctor commented coldly.

“I’m not a hallucination!” Jim insisted, making him jump again. “You don’t need these books. You’re not-” 

“SHUT UP!” Leonard yelled back, shutting his eyes, keeping both hands thorough his hair. “Shut up. I don’t want to hear it- just leave! Why did you come back!?” 

Jim wanted to answer, to explain, but stopped: Leonard was scared- terrified even, trapped there, in the corner, and yelling wasn’t helping at all. “What can I do to prove you that I’m not a hallucination?” Jim asked taking a step back, “Just tell me. Ask me anything you want.” 

“It’s getting worse…” Leonard kept repeating until he stood, moving to grab the phone. 

Jim sighed, “Who are you calling?” 

“I can’t do this alone… Christine will-“ 

“Please, wait-” Jim moved to grab the phone, but his hand just passed through Leonard’s. 

The doctor jumped back again, dropping the cordless that crashed on the floor, the batteries flying all over the floor. 

“Sorry! I’m sorry.” Jim quickly said stepping back again.

Leonard let out a growl full of anger and frustration and moved away, into the bedroom, his shoulders rising and falling irregularly. 

Jim just stared at him, knowing too well that there was only one thing left to do if he wanted to help the man. Taking a deep breath, he said, “If I do leave- for good this time, can you promise me you won’t call your friend and believe that you’re not crazy?” 

After a moment, Leonard breathed out and turned to look at him with eyes so scared that he looked ready to cry. 

“Because you’re not, I promise,” Jim added. “I just wanted to stay and- and try to help, but I guess that’s impossible now. I should have left the first day you saw me. That’s on me.” He took another step back. “I’ll leave you alone, so, please, don’t call anyone, ok? You’ll be fine.” 

Leonard just kept staring. 

Jim gave him a little nod before turning, leaving the apartment: he stood in the corridor for a moment, expecting him to make that call anyway, but nothing happened, and he dared hoping for the best before teleporting outside.

Back in the street, he sent one last glare at the building before walking away. It was very early in the morning, only a few cars and people around, and Halloween decorations hanging here and there. Jim stopped, staring at them, “Right… Today’s Halloween…” 

_“How can you eat those things?”_

_“They’re good.” _

_“They’re purple!” _

_“It’s just food coloring!” _

_“Are you sure they’re not expired?” _

“That was me- and Sam…?” Jim blinked, trying to follow the memory, but it lasted just a few seconds. “Why I can’t remember?” he said, but the anger died quickly. He looked back at Leonard’s apartment, the building now meters away. 

“I should have never accepted this job…” he said, angry and sad, walking away. “I’d like to know who's responsible for the brilliant idea of choosing me as a guardian angel. Who would ever-“ 

“So you are giving up?” 

“You bet I am.” Jim snapped, and then stopped, quickly turning around: a man was standing behind him; short and black hair cut in a straight line over the forehead; he was tall, and his face serious enough to look almost blank. He was also wearing a dark-blue suit, with a white tie. “Who-?” Jim frowned, “Wait, you can see me?” 

“Of course. We are on the same side.” 

“The same side? You’re a guardian angel too?” Jim couldn’t hide a smile, “That’s why your uniform looks familiar… Nyota wears the same type.” 

“Exactly. I-“ the man blinked in surprise as Jim suddenly hugged him. 

“It’s so good to find someone I can talk to. You have no idea.” Jim sighed heavily, patting on his back before letting him go, finding a confused expression on his face. “Sorry… It has been a long week. I’m Jim, by the way. Who are you? I’ve never seen you around here.” 

The other straightened his uniform, clearing his throat, “My name is Spock. I am-“ 

“Nice to meet you.” 

“a guardian angel, just like you said.” He finished, staring intently at him. “Regarding us never meeting before, it rarely happens that two guardians have the necessity to talk to each other.” 

Jim nodded, remembering what Nyota said about that. “Then why did you come to see me?” 

Spock seemed to consider his words before giving an answer, “I couldn’t avoid noticing your strange behavior towards doctor McCoy.” 

Jim forced himself to stay calm. “_Strange behavior_?” 

“Yes. It is odd for me to see a guardian angel worry so much about the time they spend with humans, for example.” Spock explained, but the other just stared back, unsure. “You often leave the man you should constantly protect alone. At night as well. I wonder why?” 

“Oh… _That_.” Jim breathed out, partly relieved. “Well, I- I’ve become a guardian angel just recently, so I guess is just- an old human habit…” 

“I see,” Spock said thoughtfully. "So, are you giving up on being a guardian angel because of these _human habits_ you can’t break?” 

“You can say that…” Jim smiled sadly. “It’s way harder than I thought, you know? I’ve never been a babysitter when I was alive, and now Nyota believes I can take care of an adult… A doctor, of all people.” 

“You think he doesn’t need your help?” 

“I’m sure he doesn’t,” Jim agreed with a bitter smile, but then dropped his shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know… I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. I’m only adding problems to the problems he already has.” 

“I doubt we are able to do such a thing.” 

“Trust me, I’m a master in creating problems when there was none.” 

“Yes… That is usually what- humans tend to do.” Spock said, and, as the other looked even sadder, he added, “Still, from my experience, when we give up on them, often that is when they need us the most.” 

Jim pondered his words. “You think we can make any difference in their lives? What we do actually matters?” 

“That is a question that haunts most of us every day.” 

“You found the answer, by any chance?” he asked, smiling a bit. 

“I would say that it depends on how much regret you can take.” Spock slowly said. “We might not make any difference into someone’s life, but, what if we could have?”

Jim felt a strange sadness- a sudden urge to hug the man again, but, this time, he stopped himself. “Sounds like you’re talking from personal experience…” 

Spock took a deep breath, his face unreadable. “This is not about me. I just thought you could appreciate a word from someone more expert than you. If you are so convinced that this is not your place, my words are useless, anyway.”

“They're not,” Jim said smiling a bit, as the other failed to hide a glimpse of surprise. “Maybe I won’t change my decision, but… You’re right about humans getting in trouble when you least expect it. It’s our nature…” 

Spock said nothing, just nodded and walked past him to leave. 

“Hey,” Jim called, and he turned around. “Maybe we’ll meet again?” 

“The rules don’t encourage meeting between-” 

“Too late for that, don’t’ you think?” 

Spock stared at him for a moment and then nodded once before disappeared in a blink. 

Jim took a deep breath and looked back at Leonard’s apartment. “Ok… One more day. Just to be sure he'll be alright.” 

From the roof of another building, Spock watched Jim walking back towards Leonard’s apartment- then, he sighed, turning his head a bit.

Nyota was staring coldly at him. “We need to talk.” She said, and the tone of her voice implied she wasn’t asking: it was an order. 

At the very least, Jim kept his promise to stay away from Leonard, sitting on the balcony of another apartment not too far, where he was sure that the doctor couldn’t see him, but, since the balcony was higher than Leonard’s window, Jim could see part of the living room. 

Closing his eyes, he could hear Leonard’s heartbeat was slower than it was in the morning, and that alone was a progress. No ambulances came to take him away, so maybe, just _maybe_, he actually believed Jim was gone.

The day passed relatively calm until Jim recognized Christine’s car parking in front of the building in the evening. Jim grabbed the railings, waiting for the worse after watching her enter the apartment, talking to Leonard in the living room before they both went out of sight. 

“Please, don’t tell her. Please, don’t tell her…” Jim kept repeating until Christine reappeared in the living room a while later, wearing her jacket, not looking alarmed nor scared. “That should be a good sign." Jim murmured, breathing out in relief only when he saw her downstairs a few minutes later, keeping the entrance’s door open for a man that nodded his thanks entering the building while she walked back to her car. 

“So he believed me this time…?” Jim wondered, noticing movements in Leonard’s apartment, and saw the doctor crossing the living room and opening the door, apparently talking to someone before he left the apartment- leaving the door open, of course. 

The phone rang, making Jim twitch: it was Nyota. “This looks a lot like a warning…” He said, answering: “Hey, finally. I tried to call you before-“ 

“I know, sorry. I’m kind of busy right now, so it’s ok if we meet tomorrow? I need to talk to you.” 

Taken aback by her cold voice, Jim nodded slowly, “Sure… Do you want to meet here or-?”

“I’ll wait for you in front of Leonard’s apartment.” 

“Ok… I actually wanted to talk to you about him-“ 

“Tomorrow we will. I’m sorry, Jim, I really can’t talk right now.” 

Jim appreciated her attempt at sounding more sincere. “You’re the boss.” He said with a shrug. 

“Thank you, and sorry.” 

The call ended, but Jim kept staring at the phone for a while before putting it away. “I wonder if she knows about the mess I’ve made… Or maybe it’s because I met Spock?” he wondered looking back at the building, and all those questions were wiped away when he noticed that there was someone in Leonard’s apartment. 

“Who’s that?” Jim murmured, teleporting right back in Leonard's kitchen, finding the man staring at the bedroom. When he turned around, Jim realized it was the same man he saw around the building multiples times. “You again…? What are you doing here?” he asked following him when he moved back into the living room. “I saw you before...” Jim continued, and then he finally remembered: “At the hospital… You were in Leonard’s room after he left!” 

The man flinched when the sounds of voices echoed from the corridor. He quickly moved to the door to leave it ajar, standing behind it, listening. 

“What are you-?” Jim froze as he saw him grabbing a gun from inside his long, black jacket. “Oh no...” 

“… and if you need, just call me.” Leonard was saying to Mike’s mother, leaving their apartment. “I’m sure it’s just a cold, but better safe than sorry.” 

“I will. Thank you, Doctor.” She said with a smile full of gratitude. 

“Just Leonard is fine. I’m off duty.” He said returning the smile and leaving. Hearing the door closing behind him, he turned the corner to go back downstairs, carefully holding onto the crutch, descending one step at the time. 

“There’s someone in your house!” Jim said suddenly appearing next to him. 

“HOLY-!” Leonard jumped so suddenly he almost fell, hitting his shoulder against the wall. “YOU-? Oh no- NO, I was done with you! You were gone!” 

“I know, I’m sorry, but I saw-“ 

“I was fine! It was all over! Why the hell do I see you again?!” 

“Listen to me, call the police!” 

“No, I’m gonna book a room in the closest psychiatric institute!” Leonard yelled back walking away. 

“**Fine**, but call the police first! There’s someone in your house!” Jim insisted following. 

“Do you mean _someone else_? Who’s going to be, now? My past self? My future self?!” 

“Can you stop thinking that it’s all about you for a second?! I’m trying to help!” 

“Let’s add another hallucination to the list… Why not? I’m getting used to it.” 

“Why are you so sure that I’m a- a stupid projection of your mind?” Jim asked angrily, stopping in front of him.

Leonard stepped back, looking both, angry and scared. “Because that’s the only explanation I can find!” 

“Well, you’re wrong! I told you what I am. And I’m not- _you_. I’m me. I’m Jim, your guardian angel, and I’m telling you that there’s someone in your house right now, with a gun.” 

Leonard looked unsure for a second, but he was too stubborn to give up. He just shook his head and walked past him. “I don’t have to listen to you. It’ll get worse…” 

“Yes, it’ll get worse because you’re gonna get killed! Please, listen to me!” 

The doctor ignored him and entered the apartment without second thoughts: scanning the place, he found nothing out of the ordinary. “Stupid hallucinations…” he murmured before an arm suddenly moved around his neck, pulling him backward, making him lose the crutch that fell on the floor as he grasped the arm that was choking him. 

“We can agree on that, Doctor,” the man hissed into his hear, his hold tightening even more around Leonard’s neck, “Hallucinations really are a pain.” 

Jim ran inside and it took him a second to move. “Hey, let him go!” he yelled jumping on the man, but his hands grasped on nothing. He tried again, but it was useless. “Damn it! I told you to wait because I can’t help you!” 

Leonard was looking at him, but then just shut his eyes, more worried about the oxygen running low into his system. He tried to fight back, but the man was too strong for him- and in his currently weak conditions, there wasn’t much he could do.

“And it’s not just us thinking that way, you know?” The man continued, “Some people can brush it off easily, or with just a broken leg…” he said poking at the cast with his foot, “For the others is not that easy.” 

When Leonard’s vision started to get blurry, the hold around his neck suddenly vanished and he was shoved forward, bumping against the couch before crashing hard on the floor. Coughing, Leonard heard the door slamming shut and, turning on his side, saw the man standing in front of it, a gun into his hand. 

“Don’t worry, doctor, I won’t take much of your time.” 

“W-wait…” 

“Why should I?” he asked back. “This is all pretty easy to understand, isn’t it?” 

Still coughing, Leonard tried to clear both, his vision and voice as fast as possible. “I- I don’t-“ 

“Don’t you dare say you don’t know! Don’t you dare!” The man suddenly screamed, waving the gun against the doctor that just looked down, raising a hand as his only defense. “You know what I’m talking about! You know why I’m here!” 

“Yes, to get punched in the face!” Jim tried once again to punch the man, only to pass through him. 

“You know who I am?” the man then continued more calmly, “Or you don’t even remember my face?” 

Leonard looked up at him, blinking a few times, unsure. 

The man smiled coldly. “Let me give you a hint,” he said leaning against the door. “Angela.” He said, his voice betraying pain while pronouncing that name. 

Leonard kept staring, and then he remembered. “Angela Foster…?” he murmured. “You’re- Brian…? Brian Foster?” 

“Her husband?” Jim asked, confused, standing next to the man. 

“Oh, so you do remember. I’m honored.” He said moving closer to push a foot on the cast. 

“W- why are you doing this?” Leonard asked, grasping his own leg, trying to bear the pain. 

“Because it’s fair,” Brian said. “Because I think you deserve the same treatment you gave her.” 

“We took care of her-“ 

“Did you?” 

“You were there- you saw what was happening...“ 

“Yes, I saw all of you giving up on her because she was crazy!” He yelled kicking his injured leg, making him gasp in pain. “You promised to help her, and you promised me she would have got better, but, guess what, _doctor_? She didn’t. She’s dead.” 

Leonard looked up at him, shocked. “Angela is dead?” 

“You told me to send her to that institute. You told me she would've been safe, maybe get better, even... You made a little mistake there, didn’t you?” 

Leonard could tell what was coming just watching Brian’s face. “What happened to her?” 

“Well, they told me she had a very bad seizure one night, too strong for her body to handle it. A gentle way to not tell me that she started smashing her head against the wall until she died.” 

Leonard looked down, closing his eyes for a second, trying to keep that image away- along with the pain from half of his own body. When he looked up, Brian was staring almost blankly at him. 

“No apologies from you, doctor? _It's not my fault_, _We did all we could_… You have none of that for me?” 

“You already heard that... I doubt it would make any difference coming from me.” 

“Can I suggest not teasing the man with the gun?” Jim told him, but the doctor ignored him. 

Brian kept staring. He then took a deep breath, nodding. “That’s why I like you, Doctor McCoy. You have been honest with me since the first day Angela and I came to you for help. You knew what her problem was, and you forced me to see it too. And I thank you for that, because it helped me take care of my wife until the end. That’s why I’m here: to return the favor.” 

“W-what you mean?” 

“I mean that I want to help you. I want to help you see and understand your problem.” Brian said and smiled calmly at his puzzled expression. “He’s here with us right now, isn’t he?” 

Both Jim and Leonard frowned, and the doctor couldn’t stop looking at Jim for a second. 

“He is…” Brian nodded, looking on the left, and Jim took a step back when their eyes met, even if the man wasn’t aware of it. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Leonard said, colder than before. 

“It’s ok, doctor. Angela used to act the same way, remember? She could see things that were not real. It was part of her problem, and it’s for the best to face it and accept it.” 

“I’m telling you, I don’t-“ 

“His name’s Jim, right?” Brian continued, “I heard you talking to him at the hospital. Then again here, outside the building… I started getting worried, so one day I followed you in a park not far from here and there you were, having a nice chat with him.” 

“That’s-“ 

“Just admit it, doctor. That’s the first step.” 

“He was following you around all this time… Even at the hospital, after your accident.” Jim murmured, getting angry. 

“I have nothing to admit,” Leonard insisted, “I got an accident, I was just-“ both he and Jim jumped when a shot broke the silence, leaving a smoking hole next to the doctor’s leg. 

“I don’t have all night, doctor,” Brian said, angrier. “You helped me see the truth. Now it’s your turn.” 

“What happened to Angel was different. You know she was sick-“ 

“So are you, and there’s nothing wrong admitting it.” 

“I’m not-!” Leonard started yelling but stopped as Brian moved closer, aiming the gun at his head. 

“Just do what he says!” Jim told him, “He’s not joking. Just tell him you can see me!” 

“There’s no one here beside us,” Leonard said.

“I know it’s hard, doctor. Trust me, I know.” Brian nodded, charging the bullet, “but it’s for your own good. Just admit it and find peace with yourself. Something Angela never had the chance to do.” 

“Leonard, please…” Jim said, looking between the two. 

Leonard kept staring at the man, and then looked down in silence. 

“You know it’s the right thing to do.” Brian said, “You know you need help, so what are you waiting for? Why are you still here? Why, when you should be taken into that prisons as well?” his voice started rising higher and angrier as he continued, “She was supposed to recover, then why no one helped her? Why she died? WHY YOU LET HER DIE?!” 

Jim knew what was going to happen and moved by instinct: he jumped forward, fusing with Brian’s body as he did with Sulu, but this time there was none of that warmth, nor love: everything was anger, and hate… Shutting his eyes in fear and pain, those terrible feelings started dragging him down like chains into the darkness. 

_“This was unexpected…”_ a sweet male voice whispered from the shadow.

Jim looked around, eyes half-closed, and he thought he saw a man not too far, covered with tattoos, smiling maliciously at him from the depth of the nightmare. He shut his eyes again and then-

“Jim?” 

He woke up with a gasp, staring at the ceiling, a scream stuck in his throat, making him feel as if he was choking. After a second he started coughing, turning on one side, finding a scared, shaky Leonard not too far, standing now, holding the crutch with both hands as a weapon- and Brian laying between them, unconscious above the remains of the coffee table. 

Jim kept staring at the man, then met Leonard’s eyes- he was looking to him. Leonard called him back. “Police,” Jim said in a broken gasp, noticing the gun a few steps away. “Take the gun. Take the gun and- and call the police. I- have to go. Sorry... I have to go.” That said, he teleported away. 

In a second, he was back in the park, desert in the middle of the night. Laying there, scared like never before, he started shaking, hiding his head beneath his arms, waiting for the daylight.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New year, new plotting!

_“So, do you like it?” _

_“It’s cold…” _

_“Of course it’s cold: it’s snowing. Don’t you like the snow?” _

_“Sam likes it.” _

_“I remember how you two loved making snowmen.”_

_“When we were kids, mom.” _

_“You still are a kid. My precious, little kid!” _

_“Ugh- can you not…?” _

_“You know your dad loved the snow too?” _

_“He did?” _

_“Yes. We used to come here for a walk every time he was off duty, even in winter.” _

_“…Mom?” _

_“Yes?” _

_“Do you miss him?” _

_“Every day, sweetie...” _

*

Jim woke up shaking in fear despite the reassuring memory of his mother, her soft smile, still so vivid in front of his eyes. Sitting up, he watched the park shining into the cold, early light of the day, and, turning around, found Nyota sitting next to him.

“Sorry if I used one of your memories without permission,” she said. “I was just trying to-“ 

Jim hugged her as tightly as he could. “I shouldn’t have done it again. I’m sorry.”

Nyota breathed out, patting his back with both hands. “Jim…” 

“He was going to kill him. I had to-” he suddenly moved back to look at her, “Where’s Leonard? Is he alright?” 

“He’s fine.” 

“Brian shot him?” 

“No, he didn’t.” 

He breathed out in relief. “Because of me? Because I tried to stop him? I was-“ 

“Jim, remember what I told you about us possessing humans?” She stopped him, “We can’t. We can connect to their feelings, but what happened tonight-” 

“I know, but he was going to shoot him. I saw him! He-” 

“From what I know, he didn’t, and that gave Leonard the opportunity to defend himself,” she explained, watching him still so tense. “I’m more worried about you right now. You connected to that man as well, didn't you?” Nyota asked, but he didn’t answer. “I know this time must have been very different from Sulu…” 

“It was. I think I saw something. Something- evil.” Jim murmured, looking worryingly at her. “I saw it in that darkness... Do you know what it was?” 

She held his gaze. “I fear that was a glimpse of the side of our world I hoped you’d never had to see. I’m sorry that it happened during such a bad moment.”

Jim took a deep breath, trying to shake the tension off. “I guess I should have known that if angels are real, demons are as well…” he said after a moment, “Because that’s what I saw, right?” 

Nyota kept quiet, looking down. 

For once, Jim wasn’t eager to get an answer, so he changed the subject: “Why there was no angel to help that man- Brian?” 

“Because, unfortunately, not everyone is open to listening to us like Leonard is,” she explained with a sad voice. “Some are convinced that pain and anger can make a more useful shield. The darkness you saw lives on those feelings… The stronger it gets, the less our voice can make it through.” 

Jim felt a shiver pass over his back imagining Leonard in that situation. “I know what I did was wrong. I knew that but…” 

“I think you have been very brave,” she said. “Braver than a lot of guardians I’ve met in the past.” 

“Really?” 

“You make it through Brian’s shield.” 

“I did…? But I’m not his guardian…?”

“Of course not. The bond between you and Leonard is something different, but our help is not necessarily focused on only one person. Helping humans in need is part of the passage, after all. It’s the nature of us guardians.”

Still unsure, Jim said nothing, and then quickly grabbed his cellphone, checking the screen. “There’s no warning…” 

“Seems like I’m not the only one thinking that you made a good thing,” Nyota said with a little smile, standing up and help him do the same. 

“I was sure that that would have been the end of my career as a guardian angel…” He commented.

“And you did it anyway?” 

“I had to. Leonard was going to die- or so I thought.” 

“I’m sure he would thank you if he could.” 

“Yeah…” Jim smiled tiredly. “Wait, you- didn’t you wanted to talk with me about something? You called before all this mess happened…” 

“Ah, yes, but that can wait. We will talk about it another time. You should go check on Leonard now.” 

“Ok…” 

“Jim, are you sure everything is ok?” She asked sounding more concerned. “I know what you saw is not something easy to deal with, especially for newcomers…” 

“I’m fine. I just needed a breather for the rest of the night… And I like this place.” He said gesturing at the park. 

Nyota kept studying him and, eventually, believed him. “Alright. Call me if you need.” 

Jim nodded and she was gone in a blink. He then sat down again, the memory of the man he saw in the darkness making him shiver. Hugging himself, Jim wondered how he was going to face Leonard now. 

“…and that’s all.” Leonard finished, sitting on the hospital’s bed, tiredly looking at the officer standing in front of him, taking notes. 

“Alright,” The man said writing down the last details about the attack before closing the notebook. “We will take care of the rest. And, if I can give you a bit of advice…” 

“Buy an alarm system?” he sighed with a weak grin.

“Just in case other patients can get to your address.” The man said, and there was no sarcasm in his voice.

“I'll think about it. Thank you, officer.” Leonard watched him nodding and leave the room. Looking down at the fixed cast around his leg, he poked at the red marks on the skin above the knee- scratches that he inflicted on himself while trying to endure the pain.   
After knocking Brian out, he called the police, but the neighbors got there first, hearing the gunshot, and stayed with him until the cavalry arrived and an ambulance took him to the hospital. He spent the rest of the night making more exams, and extra checks on the head wound that, somehow, came out of the incident untouched. 

Leonard could remember trying to explain Christine what happened, not surprised to find her at the hospital already, but, at some point, he must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes again it was 6 AM and he was alone in the room, wearing the same clothes of the night before.   
The police officer arrived later on to hear his testimony about that absurd night. 

Christine entered the room while he was recalling the events, wearing her white coat, staring angrily at him, smashing the door shut behind her. “You dropped the charges against Foster? He tried to kill you-“ 

“And he will face trial for that.” 

“But not for the assault.” She insisted. “After what he did to you-“ 

“He wasn’t thinking straight.” Leonard interrupted again. “Did you know her wife died? That she wasn’t getting any better after she left the hospital?” 

“I didn’t, but that doesn’t justify what he has done to you.” 

“He… He’s just grieving for her loss.” 

“_Just grieving_?” 

“You know how bad it can get on people when-“

“Then next time just let him shoot you since he’s so heartbroken!” She yelled, looking mortified the second those words came out. 

Leonard stared at her and then sighed, stretching an arm towards her. “Come here.” 

“I’m sorry-“ 

He took her hand and dragged her into a hug, mostly leaning against her. “I’m too tired to fight right now…” 

“You need to stop scaring me like this, Bones. Seriously…” she cried punching on his back. 

“Ow- I know. Believe it or not, I’m trying my best.” 

Jim was once again listening from outside, in the corridor- for the first time in a while, wishing he could hide from Leonard like before the car accident. 

Unfortunately, not able to do that, he spent the rest of the day there, watching Christine coming back with the results of the checkups: Leonard was physically fine; despite the cast been damaged, that didn’t worsen the injury, and the stitches on the head wound were still in place… Everything seemed to confirm a fast recovery. 

“That’s good to hear,” Leonard said as she finished talking, sending a look out the window, into the early evening. 

“Still, this doesn’t mean we can simply ignore what happened,” Christine said closed into her jacket, ready to leave after the long shift at the hospital. “If you want to talk to someone, you know I can arrange that. Even now.” 

Leonard kept staring outside, and then sighed, looking back at her. “I thought I would need it, but… Honestly, I’m fine. And I’m not saying it just because I want to leave.” 

“No?” 

“No. I was considering it… I just don’t think I need it.” 

“That might not be enough to convince me, though,” she pushed as gently as possible and, as he sighed again, added, “I’m just saying that being held at gunpoint is not something that happens daily. Maybe you think it didn’t affect you, but between that and the car accident..." 

“After everything that happened, I’m the first to admit that this has been a crazy week. And that I need a break.” Leonard said. “Give me some time to elaborate, and if I’m going to have a mental breakdown, I promise that I’ll warn you.” 

“Well, that’s comforting,” Christine sighed with a hint of sarcasm in the smile that he returned. “Ok, I won’t bother you any further today. Try to get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Sitting outside, next to the door, Jim watched her leaving. He breathed out and returned to stare at the floor, trying to think of what to do next. 

“Jim?” 

His eyes widened in surprise and he quickly looked around but found no one. _Was that…?_

“I’m an idiot…” Leonard murmured from inside the room. 

Jim stood still, not sure of what to do: Leonard actually _called_ for him. 

After a long, tense moment, he stood up and carefully looked inside the room, finding the man lying in bed, an arm over his eyes. Jim took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

Leonard’s arm moved away and he looked in surprise at him, sitting up again, “You-“ 

“Don’t talk.” Jim stopped him. “Nobody can see me except you, so you better not talk to me while we’re in here.” 

The doctor breathed out and just stared at him in silence. 

“I know I said I would leave you alone, and I’ll keep up to that promise. I just wanted to make sure that you were alright… If you want me to leave right now, just move your head and I’ll be out of your life. For good, this time.” 

Leonard kept staring, wary, and tense, but there was no sign of pure terror on his face. After a while, he shook his head in no. 

“Ok. Then I-“ Jim was turning to leave, but then realized the answer was different from the one he was expecting. “No? You don’t want me to leave?” he asked, getting the same answer that left him speechless for a moment. “Are you sure? Do you really want me to stay?” 

Leonard sighed and nodded. He wasn’t smiling, but at least he wasn’t screaming either. As Jim just stared in disbelief, he whispered, “You’ll have to explain…” 

“Sure! I- I’ll tell you everything you want to know.” Jim nodded vigorously, unable to hide his relief. “Once you get back home, of course. You need to rest now, so… Ok. I... I’ll be around here. Outside. Then we can talk. Later. Tomorrow.” 

Leonard slowly nodded again. 

“Great. Then… Goodnight.” That said, Jim _flew_ out of the room. Standing in the corridor, he couldn’t stop smiling.

* 

Leonard was free to leave the hospital the next day, after lunch, with Christine taking him back home, as it was becoming a habit recently.

Jim kept his distance, watching them enter the building from the other side of the street. He waited outside, following Leonard’s heartbeat until it fastened, and he knew the doctor was in front of his apartment. Jim teleported inside, peeking from behind the corner, next to the elevator. 

“…if you want?” Christine was saying, the two of them standing in front of his door. 

“No, it’s ok,” Leonard murmured taking a deep breath before entering. 

She slowly followed, closing the door behind them, noticing him smiling slightly. “I can put a bell on it if that will help you remember to close it?” she suggested with a shrug. 

“Cheaper than an alarm system,” Leonard commented looking around: the coffee table that got broken during the fight was gone, but the place was clean and in order…

“Your neighbor took care of the apartment after you left,” Christine said, “The, uh, Adams? They live upstairs. Their kid is adorable.” 

“You met them?” 

“This morning, when I came here to check the place.” She nodded, leaving his key on the table. “They promised to keep an eye on you.” 

He smiled a bit, the crutch thumping on the floor while moving to sit on his usual chair in the kitchen, feeling already tired. 

Worried, Christine asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to stay at my place for a few days? My guest room is free.” 

“Thanks, but no. I don’t want to feel a stranger in my own house.” 

“Alright… Don’t forget to take these.” She said placing the little bag of medicines on the table as well, but he didn’t even look at it. After a moment, she asked, “Can I tell you something that will make you feel worse but that you need to hear?” 

Leonard scoffed. “Sure.”

“Call Hikaru.” 

“I told you, he’s in New York…” 

“Then ask him to come back, or take a flight and go see him. You know he’ll get furious if you-“ 

“This has nothing to do with him.” Leonard interrupted without looking at her. “He’s busy with his life. And I can’t run to him every time something bad happens.” 

“Bones, you almost died. Twice.” Christine said, not trying to lecture him: her voice was even, just worried. “You don’t think he deserves to know?” 

He took a deep breath, shaking his head in no. “I’m alive, so there no point in making him worry. It would only force him to come back, and I don’t want that. So, please, don’t ask me again, and don’t call him to-“ 

“I won’t.” She gently stopped him. “I wasn’t going to,” she added, as he breathed out again, passing a hand over his eyes. “I’ll let you rest. I know it’s getting repetitive, but call me if you need anything, alright?” 

Leonard nodded and she smiled a bit, gently squeezing his shoulder before leaving, closing the door behind her. After a while, he stood up, looking around the apartment. Grabbing the crutch, he stared at it for a moment before angrily throwing it away, towards the bedroom, making it collide with the lamp on the bedside table that fell on the floor. 

“What happened?!” 

Leonard jumped and almost fell backward, tripping against the chair when Jim rushed into the apartment, running through the door. 

“Sorry! Sorry, I heard- I thought you were in danger.” Jim quickly said stepping back, rising his hands. 

Leonard just stood there, holding onto the shelf with an arm while covering his eyes with his other hand, trying to calm down. 

“Clearly you’re not. I’m sorry. I’ll be outside.” Jim said before dashing out the apartment, cursing at himself. The door suddenly opened next to him a moment later, making him jump away, finding the doctor staring nervously at him. “You can still ask me to leave. I wouldn’t blame you…” Jim murmured looking down, ashamed.

Leonard just kept staring. “You can pass through the door.” He then said, hard to say if he was asking or stating a fact. 

“Yes…?” 

The doctor breathed out. “Do it again,” he ordered before closing the door. 

Surprised, Jim didn’t have the time to refuse. “Ok…” he whispered before slowly entering the apartment: Leonard was in the living room, waiting, but couldn’t hide a little jump when the other passed through the door. “I’d ring the bell if I could,” Jim said.

Leonard studied him up and down for a long moment, then swallowed down and asked, “So you- you’re real?” 

“Yes.” 

“I’m not crazy?” 

“No, you’re not.” 

“And seeing you- seeing _this_,” he said gesturing at him, “this is normal?” 

“Well, not exactly, but it has nothing to do with you. You’re fine, this is just- a gift?” 

“_A gift_?” Leonard echoed in disbelief. 

“Yeah. I mean, I understand this might be scary, but, as I said, you can always ask me to leave. I will. I was going to leave yesterday.” 

“And why you didn’t?” 

“Because I saw you were in danger,” Jim said as if it was the most obvious thing. “I know I didn’t help much, but… I’m your guardian angel. Keeping an eye on you is my job.” 

“Your-“ Leonard stopped, losing his balance a bit so that he had to sit down again, taking deep breaths. 

Jim took a step forward in the useless attempt to help. “I know it’s a lot to take in…” 

“You think?" the doctor barked. "If this is a new disease, I have no idea how to deal with it- and if it’s not, I should simply accept the fact that I can see the angels?!” 

“Second options is more doable if you ask me…” 

“**No, it’s not!**” 

Jim shut his mouth and looked down in silence. 

Leonard kept staring, and then asked, “Is Jim your real name?” 

“Of course it is.” 

“And- all that story you told me at the hospital? That was real too?”

“The story about my friend wasn’t true- but the rest was,” he quickly added as the other shook his head, looking away. “Everything besides that was real. I meant every word I said. I-“ he stopped as someone knocked on the door. Jim noticed Leonard staring nervously at the entrance but without standing up. “Hold on,” Jim said before passing his head through the door for a second: “It’s Mike’s mother.” 

Leonard relaxed a bit. “How do you know her?” 

“I told you, I’ve been around here for a while.” 

The doctor breathed out and stood, holding the door’s handle for a moment before opening the door, welcomed by Diane Adams keeping a basket of fruit and a cake into her arms. 

“Hi. I thought to pass by and say welcome back,” she said with a timid smile that Leonard tried to return as much as possible. 

Jim slowly moved away to let them talk, looking out the window. _Is this really happening?_ he thought, wondering if he wasn't just making everything worse. _What if Nyota finds out? What if I’m putting Leonard in more danger? What if-_

Leonard shut the door and turned around, watching the _angel_ standing in his living room, visibly nervous, waiting. “I…” the doctor started and then just breathed out and moved to put the fruits and cake on the kitchen table, staring at them, thinking. 

“You want me to leave you alone for a while?” Jim asked. 

Leonard didn’t answer, then turned to him, “Why Iowa?” 

“W-what about it?” 

“Why lie about that? Why make up your own past?” 

“That wasn’t a lie. I was born in Iowa.” 

Leonard blinked, clearly trying his best to understand. “But you- you said you’re an angel...” 

“I’ve become one after I died.” Jim nodded casually, noticing him getting paler. “Please, don’t ask me about the afterlife because I know nothing. I have been thrown back here right after my death, so I didn’t see anything or talked to anyone besides other angels. Maybe it wasn’t even the afterlife. I was in space, actually, so, I don’t know…” 

“_In space_.” Leonard repeated.

“I think it was… Just forget it. I probably shouldn’t talk about it with you anyway.” Jim finished, feeling more stressed than ever. After a moment of silence, he looked back at him, eyes going wide is disbelief: “Are you laughing?” 

Leonard shook his head in no, but then slowly collapsed on his knees, laughing- and it wasn’t a crazy laugh: that was genuine amusement. 

Confused, Jim slowly moved closer. “I know I told you you’re not crazy, but now you’re making me worry…” he said, and the other just laughed again, brushing the tears away, sitting on the floor. 

“I just realized that it’s not me, but the whole situation to be crazy…” Leonard said after the laughs slowly stopped. “Hikaru left, then I was hit by a truck- and then I almost got shot. Now I see the angels… Maybe Brian was right. I just have to admit that something’s wrong with me.” 

“There is nothing wrong with you.” Jim insisted sitting in front of him. “Why you think I’m constantly asking you if you want me to leave? Just say the word and I’ll be gone. I don’t want you to think that you’re the problem here... I shouldn’t have talked to you in the first place.” 

“Then why did you?” 

“It wasn’t planned. You saw me that day, at the hospital, after the accident, and I didn’t know what to do…” 

“You mean the first time I saw you- in my room?” 

Jim nodded. “I was used to be invisible, and then you suddenly started talking to me…” 

Leonard started to put the pieces together. “So that’s why you always had to run away?” 

“Well, yeah… I told you, no one can see me, so I knew it was dangerous talking to you, especially with people around- but then you asked me to meet again when you saw me outside your house…” 

“The angel thing…” Leonard murmured, “That’s what you were trying to tell me.” 

Jim sighed. “I know, it’s a mess and it’s my fault. I tried to fix it, but everything happened so fast...” 

Leonard took a long, deep breath, studying him. “How…?” he started, and Jim looked up. “How can you be real only for me? If I’m not hallucinating… That means you _are_ real. Somehow.” He said, struggling with the words. “I mean, you’re right in front of me… I’m talking to you.” 

“I know I am real… Just, not _physically_?” Jim said thoughtfully, but the doctor didn’t look convinced, so he offered a hand. “We can’t touch. You can try, if you want?” he said with a little grin.

Leonard stared down at his hand: he remembered Jim stopping him from calling Christine, days before, but he instantly moved away that time, destroying the phone, so Leonard couldn’t really tell if he actually felt anything at all. “Don’t scare me.”

“I wasn’t going to.” Jim laughed, a bit offended. 

Leonard took a deep breath and tried to grab Jim’s hand, but his fingers closed around nothing, so he quickly moved it back. Jim, on the contrary, sat still, with a little, sad smile on his face, hand still forward. Swallowing down the tension, Leonard tried again, this time slowly moving his fingers closer- and then _through_ Jim’s palm. “This is- unreal.”

“You tell me.” Jim sighed. He watched their hands searching for each other, unable to touch, and he felt a pang of sadness into his heart. Looking up, he met Leonard’s eyes: Leonard was studying him, a little frown on his face as if he was looking for something. “Well… Lesson’s over.” Jim said standing up and taking a few steps away. 

Leonard watched him from the floor, still absorbed in his own thoughts. “Do you really have been with me since that night outside the bar?” he then asked. 

Jim nodded, “That was my first day as your guardian angel.” 

“And you've stayed here since then? All the time?” 

“Not exactly _here_ all the time, but, yes. I usually stay outside during the night, or- or when there are other people.” 

It took a second for Leonard to catch up. “So even when Hikaru was here…?”

“I always left when you two were together, ok? Most of the time.” 

“What the- That’s gross! Aren’t you supposed to be a holy creature?!” Leonard shot back blushing, standing up. 

“Technically, I’m still human. Being a guardian angel doesn’t mean-“ 

“Don’t change the subject!” 

“I’m not! I told you, it’s not like I can leave you and go whenever I want, at any time.” 

“You better learn to, because I don’t want you to stay here and just- _watch me_!” 

“But I have to! And with that, I mean that guardians have to look after humans. I know it sounds creepy, but _watching_ is part of our job…”

“Please, I don’t want to hear it!” Leonard cried, hiding his face in both his hands. 

“We’re dead, anyway. Privacy isn’t something angels seem to care much… Not like I do, at least.” Jim snorted crossing his arms.

A phone rang, making them both stop, and Leonard frowned, “It’s not my phone…” 

“It’s mine.” Jim sighed. 

“Angels use cellphones?”

“I was surprised too. Uh, I have to leave for a while… Will you be ok while I’m gone?” Jim asked, but the doctor just kept staring at him. “I’m sure you will. I’ll be back soon.” That said he quickly left the apartment passing through the closed door. Checking on the phone, he read the message from Nyota and teleported outside, looking around until he saw her standing not too far, gazing into the garden of another house. “Hey, I got your message.” 

“Thanks for coming so soon.” She said with a slight nod. “I know you get distracted if we talk while Leonard is present…” 

“Uh, a bit… I sure prefer meeting outside. Like secret agents.” He joked, relieved that she didn’t appear straight into Leonard’s apartment.

Nyota smiled faintly. “Is everything alright?” 

“Yes. Why?” 

“Nothing strange happened?” 

_Stranger than a guardian angel becoming friend with a living human being?_ Jim shook his head in no. “I don’t think so…?” he replied, and she sighed, looking away. “Something’s wrong?”

“You don’t need to lie to me, Jim.” 

Taken aback, he kept quiet. 

“I’ve always been honest with you, so if you have something to say, something that I should know,” she continued, sounding more frustrated than angry, “please, just tell me.” 

Jim swallowed down, thinking of the only thing he could use as a cover for the real _problem_. “You mean the fact that I’ve talked with another angel?” He asked, and she kept staring, face unreadable. “Yeah, I did. I was considering giving up, and he encouraged me not to. That’s all.” 

“Did he tell you his name?” 

“Why? He’s in trouble?” 

“Did he tell you his name or not?” 

Jim has been called in many ways during his life, but he was no snitch- and he was also quite stubborn. He straightened his posture and kept silent. 

They stared at each other until Nyota sighed, “He’s not in trouble. I just want to know who you talked to.”

“Sure…” 

“I’m serious.” 

“You said is ok for guardians to talk to each other, then why are you angry?” 

“I’m not, but I need answers, and I would like to avoid keeping the wrong person in custody.” 

Jim considered it, not happy about someone else getting in trouble because of him talking to Spock. “Promise me he won’t be punished for talking to me.” 

“Jim…” 

“He just wanted to help me-“ 

“And I understand that. I just want to know who he is.” 

After another moment of hesitation, Jim confessed: “He said his name is Spock.” 

Nyota kept staring. “Can you tell me what did he say to you?” 

“I told you already, he just convinced me to stay and watch over Leonard.” 

“That’s all?” 

“Yes.” 

She seemed to relax a bit. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

“Mind to tell me what is all this about? I didn’t break any rules for once...” 

“I just… I had a feeling.” 

Jim blinked. “_A feeling_?” 

“That something bad was going on.” 

“Ok…?” 

“After Leonard’s accident, and when he almost got shot… I was worried all that might have affected you deeper than you want to show me.”

Jim looked away and then asked, “Even then, it would be my problem. I don’t see why you should get angry at Spock. He did nothing wrong.” 

“He is…” Nyota stopped and then tried again, “I would prefer you talking about your doubts with me, rather than with other guardians.” 

“Are you jealous?” 

“I’m _worried_.” 

“You’re jealous,” Jim repeated, grinning. 

“It’s not that…” she sighed. “Jim, your situation is probably the most- chaotic I have ever found myself into.” 

“I told you to prepare for the worst, didn’t I?” He smiled a bit. “All considered, you’re doing great.” 

“I hope so.” Nyota smiled weakly. “Sorry if I sound too aggressive.” 

“It's fine... Don’t worry.”

“How’s Leonard, anyway?” 

“Oh, he’s ok. Better.” 

“He’s recovering well after the assault?” 

“Yeah… He sure needs a break now. I think he’s going to spend the next weeks sleeping and watching soap operas on TV.” 

“If that’s what he likes...” Nyota giggled. “Alright. I’ll leave you be, then. If something changes, let me know.” 

“As always, boss.” 

“Please, stop calling me boss.” She said, squinting her eyes a bit. 

“Yes, ma’am.” Jim nodded and she was gone a second later. Only then, he let out a tired groan, dropping down his head- then it jumped back up feeling Leonard’s heartbeat accelerating again.

Teleporting back into the apartment, he found the man standing in the living room, staring at the closed door. “Everything’s alright?” he asked, making him jump. 

“What the- how did you get in here?!” Leonard hissed nervously. 

“Oh, uh- I can teleport. Forgot to tell you.” 

The doctor just shook his head, jumping again when someone knocked at the door. 

“Let me check,” Jim said passing through the wall and then back inside, “It’s Christine. I’ll be outside.” 

Leonard nodded even so slightly watching him disappearing through the wall again. 

“Bones, where’s the crutch?” Christine schooled with a little smile, walking inside. 

“I keep forgetting to use it,” he said peeking outside, but there was no one. 

“I hope you didn’t break it?” 

“No... Not yet.” Leonard sighed walking back inside, closing the door behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

A few more days passed, and Jim still couldn’t believe that Leonard was _actually_ starting to believe his story. Even more surprising was how the man was getting used to the presence of an angel into his life… Or so Jim thought.

Sadly, he soon realized that the reason for the doctor not reacting so much seeing him anymore wasn’t simply because he was fine with it, but because he was barely conscious during the day. 

The first night Leonard spent at home after the fight with Brian, the doctor kept turning in his bed, trapped into a restless sleep. Jim could feel his distress from outside the apartment, and, even if the night always lasted few seconds for him, he knew Leonard has spent hours drowning in fear and tension that left him exhausted in the morning, numb to everything. 

Jim started joining him for breakfast and noticed Leonard not even flinching as an angel walked through his door, ignoring him completely or giving one-word answers. This happened for two days. 

During the third night, Jim woke up in fear, looking left and right in the desert corridor, just to realize it was Leonard having another nightmare. 

“You can’t continue like this…” Jim murmured standing up, staring at the door for a moment before entering the apartment: the place was in the dark; it was few hours after midnight, and he instantly heard the man mumbling in his sleep from the bedroom. 

Jim carefully proceeded, feeling somehow guilty being there. It wasn’t his first night in the apartment, but he always used to stay at distance. Despite what Nyota and Spock would say, he just didn’t want to invade Leonard’s space to that point. It was stupid considering the situation, he knew that, but still… 

“Leonard?” Jim called quietly, standing one step away from the bed, but the man just continued turning around, breathing fast. Jim sighed and moved closer, worried by the scared expression on Leonard’s sleeping face. “Worth the shot…” Jim murmured lowering on one knee next to the bed, moving back a little when Leonard turned again, facing him, eyes shut, and mouth partly open to breathe. 

Jim took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to focus: everything went dark and quiet in seconds; not a sound until-

_Hi there._

“Jim?” 

Jim’s head jumped up and Leonard flinched in response, lying on one side beneath the blankets. Looking around, Jim slowly tried to calm down. _That voice…_

“What are you doing?” Leonard asked, his voice low and a bit raspy, as he probably just woke up. 

When their eyes met, Jim realized how close they were and quickly stood up, stepping back from the bed. “Nothing. Sorry, I- I heard you having a nightmare…” 

“So you decided to stay here and hold my hand?” Leonard didn’t move, staring almost blankly at the angel- probably too tired to show any emotion.

“No- I can’t do that, anyway.” Jim laughed a bit. “You couldn’t sleep well lately, so I tried to help… Didn’t work much, though. I’ll better leave now.” 

“Wait.” 

Jim stopped, slowly turning around, waiting for the man to scream at him to leave and never come back. 

“How do you know that I couldn’t sleep?” Leonard asked. “Was I screaming or something?” 

“No. No, but I know when you are scared. I can feel it too.” Jim explained. The doctor looked surprised but kept quiet. “It’s part of the angel thing,” Jim added with a little smile. “I mean, I think it is… I don’t know if I can stop it. Maybe there is a way so I won’t-“ 

“Jim…” Leonard interrupted him, sounding very tired, “Thank you.” 

Jim smiled again, nodding. “Did it work? I don’t even know what I have done, exactly…” 

“Well, you helped me sleep for- almost twelve hours.” 

“Really?” Jim checked the clock in the kitchen. It was hard to say how much time as passed with all the blinds mostly closed. “That’s good, I guess… Do you feel any better?” 

“Yeah,” Leonard confirmed slowly sitting up, passing both hands on his face, “but I can barely remember what happened yesterday…”

“Aside from you wandering around like a zombie, you didn't miss much.” 

“You were here?” 

“Guardian angel, remember?”

Leonard let out a long sigh and dropped his arms, looking at him. “Can you really- _feel_ what I’m feeling?” 

“Sometimes. I think it works only with strong emotions. When you’re very scared, or nervous- or very happy.” 

“Very happy?” Leonard scoffed standing up from the bed, “Can’t even remember last time that happened…” 

“Well, when Sulu was here-“ Jim stopped himself too late and saw the doctor halt in front of the bathroom. “Sorry. I talk too much, I know. I didn’t mean-“ Jim tried to apologize, but Leonard didn’t turn around, closing the door behind him. “Damn it…” the angel murmured, hating himself.

After that, the mood during breakfast wasn’t exactly cheerful: Leonard sat down at the kitchen table, drinking or staring at his coffee, while Jim was in the living room, watching out the window. 

Thinking about it for a while, Jim finally looked at him through the spaces into the shelf between them. “I’m sorry about before,” he started, but Leonard didn’t meet his eyes. “If you want me to leave for a while…” 

“No… Having you here is less creepy that knowing you camping outside my door.” Leonard seemed to find his own tone too harsh, because he looked ashamed before staring back down again. 

“Yeah. I know…” Jim said with a little, sad smile. 

Leonard studied him for a moment. “You said you started looking after me the day I hurt my hands during that bar fight…?” 

“Yes. That was the first time I saw you.” 

“That's almost a month ago… You have really spent a month here with me? With us?”

“Well, _most_ of the time. I usually left when Sulu or someone else was here.”

“Really?” The doctor asked skeptically.

“You should consider yourself lucky. I don’t know any other angel that cares about personal space as much as I do.” Jim laughed a bit, moving away from the window to see each other better. 

Leonard scoffed, shaking his head, “I still can’t believe I’m talking to an angel…” 

“Funny thing is, I never thought they were real either.” 

Leonard emptied his cup, a curious look on his face. “So you’re- you were human before? Just like me?” 

“I like to think that I'm still one, thank you.” 

“But you said that you died… After that, you’ve become my guardian angel?” 

Jim nodded again. “Such a cliché, isn’t it?” 

“Indeed… I mean, I- I don’t know how that works, but…” 

Meeting his confused glare, Jim knew where the conversation was going. “You want to know how I died?” he asked with a little, patient smile. 

“No! No, it’s- it’s fine. It’s totally ok if you don’t want to tell me- or you can’t. Probably better that way. I shouldn’t know these things, right?” 

Jim took a deep breath and opened his mouth to talk, but paused for a moment. _Wait- how have I died? Why I can’t remember?_

Leonard was staring at him, now a bit worried. “Hey, I told you, it’s ok if you don’t want to talk about it.” 

“It’s not that. I just…” Jim’s eyes moved down, trying to focus- and then he remembered the blood on his clothes… A hand placing on his chest and someone screaming his name…

“Jim, are you-?” 

“Car accident.” Jim blurted out, almost in relief, looking back at him. “Same as yours, I think. I don't remember much about it. I just… I didn’t make it.” 

Leonard appeared surprised but said nothing. 

“After what happened to you, I really thought it was some kind of sick joke.” Jim tried to smile a bit, but it came out fake. “I’m glad you survived.” 

The doctor took a deep breath, his voice more serious- almost apologetic, “And I am sorry that you didn’t.” 

_“You scared me to death! Don’t you ever, **ever** dare do something so stupid again, you hear me?!”_

Jim suddenly remembered those words yelled at him by someone in another time- someone that then hugged him so tightly he could barely breathe... Slowly, his eyes slowly filled with tears. 

“Jim?” 

“Well, I… I’ll let you finish your breakfast. See you later, ok?” 

Leonard tried to say something, but Jim has already teleported away. 

Jim didn’t mean to stay away the whole day, but, in his defense, he still couldn’t fully understand how time worked for angels- among many other things. He simply sat down, closed his eyes, and the moment he opened them again it was evening in the park that he has nominated as his personal hiding spot. 

Sighing, he looked on the left, jumping as he found Spock sitting on the bench close by. “H-hey. I thought I’d never see you again.” 

“Why?” The other angel asked, mildly curious.

“I think Nyota got jealous,” Jim smiled a bit at his confused expression, “Because I talked about my problems with you and not with her.” 

“I see.” 

“Did you guys know each other well?” 

It took Spock a moment to answer. “We worked together a few times. As for now, we don't communicate much, as we are both very busy.” 

Jim nodded slowly. “Then why are you here?” 

“I could ask you the same thing.” 

“I asked you first.” 

Spock ignored his grin. “I was worried about you.” He said with his usual blank expression, so in contrast with those words. “Taking care of the newcomers is a duty for those like me who have been on the field for a long time.” 

“Sure. _Taking care of us_...”

Spock studied him intently. “Is there something wrong with that?” 

“It’s just- I guess I get it, now. Convincing people to become guardian angels, I mean,” Jim replied looking down. “Nyota said it’s meant to help you moving on, and it sure does: I can barely remember my life from before.”

“You know that that is the only way to complete your passage.” 

“Yes, but those are _my_ memories- my life, Spock. Losing them like this is…” Jim couldn’t handle that blank glare, so he just shook his head, looking away. 

Spock thought for a moment. “You will have to let go from your past, eventually.” 

“Yes, but I want that to happen on my terms, not someone else’s,” Jim said more coldly but got only silence in response. He sighed, “Nevermind… Forget what I said.”

Spock kept quiet, taking some time before talking again. “Maybe Nyota didn’t realize that making you a guardian angel so soon forced you to put aside something more important,” he said thoughtfully, and continued only when Jim looked back at him, “I mean giving you time to deal with what you have lost. I think that is what makes you feel so uneasy. Focusing on the doctor won’t help you with your passage if it is only a way to ignore your own pain.” 

Jim took a deep breath, imposing himself to hold his gaze. 

“Some people just want to forget, and Nyota is convinced that is the best way, as you know by now," Spock continued, "but others need more time to elaborate, maybe wishing for a sense of closure, and I think that might be your case.”

“_A sense of closure_…?” 

“That could be the reason why you don’t feel like your time is over yet,” Spock said, sounding more like he was talking to himself. “The way you talk, the way you act around the livings… It’s obvious that you’re holding deeply onto your past for some reason.” 

“Maybe because _I'm dead_? Just maybe.” Jim commented with cold sarcasm. 

“You have adapted quite easily to your current situation, so I doubt that is the problem. Something is clearly missing to fulfill your passage…” 

Jim thought for a moment. “You mean like- unfinished business?”

“It may be.” 

“Great… And how can I fix that if I’m losing my memories? I can’t even look for my family, or anything related to my past- and I have burned two warnings already…” 

Spock kept quiet again, then stood. “I have to discuss this with Nyota.” 

“What? No, you don’t have to! You know she’s all for the _forget and move on_,” Jim said, quickly standing up as well.

“Different situations require different solutions. She will listen to me, unless she wants something worse to happen.” 

“She’s won’t- wait, what you mean _something worse_? Like what?” 

Spock stared back at him but didn’t answer the question. “I will keep in touch.” He said, disappearing in a blink. 

“Wait-! If she locks me in that ship again, I’ll tell her it’s all your fault!” Jim yelled at the sky, just to sigh in resignation, “As if she's going to believe me, anyway…” As soon as Spock lect, Jim noticed something moving in the corner of his eye, and then there was a strange, weak sound, like a whisper. He turned around but found nothing. “I think I’m the one going crazy.” He murmured before feeling Leonard’s heartbeat fastening again, so he finally teleported back to the apartment. 

Leonard was already in bed, asleep, despite the early hour of the evening, and trapped into another nightmare. 

Jim moved next to the bed like he did the previous night, but before he could try to do anything, Leonard woke up with a gasp, sitting up and jumping again as he noticed the angel standing there. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s me,” Jim said raising his hands.

“I- I thought you left?” The doctor panted. 

“I’m never too far,” Jim said with a little smile. “I just needed a moment.” 

Leonard took a deep breath, laying down again. He still looked so exhausted. “It’s because of what I asked you before?” 

“Since when you worry about hurting a hallucination’s feelings?” 

“You’re not-“ Leonard stopped, a slight uncertainty appearing on his face, slowly starting to turn into fear. 

“I’m joking. It was just a joke. A very bad one. Sorry.” Jim quickly said. “I’m fine, don’t worry. Try get some sleep, ok? I’ll stay here with you.” 

Leonard kept staring at him until his eyes eventually closed, leaving Jim alone with his thoughts. 

The morning after, Jim was sitting at the kitchen table, his face cupping into both hands as a weak sun made it through the clouds and the blinds left partly open in the living room- not that he was paying any attention to the weather, anyway. 

_How am I supposed to elaborate on my own death if I can barely remember how I died?_ Jim thought, repeating into his mind the chat he had with Spock the day before. “What if I can’t even remember my own name at some point?” he murmured before hearing movements from the bedroom. 

Leonard turned on his back, staring at the ceiling for a bit before sitting up, scanning the apartment and meeting his gaze with a little jump. “You’re still here…” 

“That’s what guardian angels do,” Jim smiled a bit. 

“I mean, I thought you’d left for good. After we talked, yesterday…” 

“I told you that I’m fine, didn’t I?” 

“You did?” 

“Tonight? You woke up and asked me.” 

“Oh…” Leonard looked down, unsure. “I don’t remember.” 

“Well, don’t worry, you won’t get rid of me so easily… And with that, I mean unless you ask me to leave.” 

“Why you keep saying that?” Leonard sighed standing up. “From what I saw, you can leave whenever you want?” 

“I'm free to wander around, but I can't give up on my mission and leave you.”

“You can’t?” 

“Why should I?” Jim asked back, and the other stopped in front of the table, staring. “If you'd ask me to leave, I would, but aside from that..." he shrugged. "It's nice being able to stay here... You know, in this world, a while longer.” 

Leonard kept studying him. “Anyway, I... I'm sorry if I asked something too personal, yesterday.” 

“It’s ok-” 

“It’s not.” He interrupted calmly- and a bit sad. “If I’m not crazy and this is all real, you’ve died. There’s nothing ok about that.” 

Taken aback, Jim just stared back while the doctor started preparing breakfast. 

Waiting for the coffee, Leonard turned around again and sighed. “Did I say something wrong again?” 

“No,” Jim reassured him, preferring to change the subject, “but since we’re talking about it, can I ask you something personal too?” 

“You’ve spied on me for a month, what’s the point of asking me now?” 

“Now you can hear me and tell me to fuck off.” 

That made Leonard laugh a bit. “Just ask. I doubt I have any secret left for you anyway.” He said sitting at the table with a steaming cup of coffee.

Jim straightened on the chair. “Why you haven’t called Sulu yet?” 

“Oh my God…” the doctor groaned tiredly into the cup. 

“I know I’m not the first person telling you this-” 

“No, because clearly people can’t mind their own business.” 

Jim waited, giving him some time. The doctor wasn’t angry, but it was better not pushing it.

Leonard noticed him staring and sighed patiently, “Look, maybe you have been here for a month, watching us, but, no offense, you don’t know anything about me and Hikaru.” 

“I know what I saw, and I know you want to call him. Probably as much as he wants to call you.” 

Leonard looked down into the cup. “Give it time and we’ll both forget about each other.” 

Jim scoffed doubtfully, getting his attention. “Do you actually believe that?” 

“Since when angels are love consultants?” 

“How you think I was spending my time here when you couldn’t see me?” 

Leonard opened his mouth, then closed it, studying him intently. “I'm not sure what you mean with that...” 

“I mean that I was always talking to you, guys, even if you couldn’t listen. That's basically what guardian angels do, trying to give advice and- guide you towards the right path.” Jim said, but the doctor didn’t look convinced at all. “Poetically speaking, I’m here to help you follow your heart,” he said with a smile and a shrug. 

Leonard blinked, unimpressed. “Are you saying that you’re my conscience?” 

Jim considered it. “Kind of…? Just to be clear, I can’t tell you what to do unless it's something _you_ want to do yourself. My job is trying to make you understand that- and it’s way harder than it sounds, trust me.” 

Leonard thought for a long moment. “So the accident…” he murmured and, as Jim just looked down, he smiled bitterly. “I _wanted_ to be that stupid. Good to know.” 

“It wasn’t stupid.” Jim said, “I still blame myself for what happened that day, but-“ 

“Why should you blame yourself?” 

“Because I was telling you to go after him when I should have told you to stop. Maybe if I did, none of this would have happened.” 

“You just said that my decisions are my own…” 

“I know, but… I can’t stop thinking that if you almost died, it’s partly my fault.” 

Leonard stared at him in silence for a moment, then put down the cup, saying, “Well, it's not. It just can’t be your fault. I couldn’t hear you nor see you back then. Going after Hikaru was- it was stupid, but… I wanted to do something for myself, for once. It's just that that kind of thing never ends well for me.” 

Jim let out a deep breath, feeling the guilt about the accident finally starting to lift from his shoulders. He never thought about confessing everything to Leonard, but now that he did, it felt like the right thing to do. “It’s not too late to make that call.” He gently insisted.

Leonard nodded. “I know. That’s why I’m forcing myself not to.” 

“Why? If you want to see him…” 

“If I call him now, it’ll be only because I-” Leonard took a brief pause to level his voice, “I don’t want him to come back just because I’m scared. He’d feel responsible for what happened to me, and that I don't want him to.” 

Jim smiled a bit, not surprised about how much the grumpy doctor still cared about Sulu. “Maybe you’re right…” 

Leonard scoffed, “Oh, so now the angel agrees with me?” 

“I do. If there’s someone that deserves some time to think, that’s you.” 

“Thank you.” 

Jim watched him standing to wash the cup in the sink, and he felt _something_… He couldn’t tell if it was coming from Leonard or not, but it was somehow- bittersweet.

Leonard looked at the clock, surprised, “It’s almost midday?” 

“Uh? Oh- yeah. You still have sleep to recover…” 

“Oh no… What day is it?” Leonard quickly moved to the bedroom to grab his phone. “I forgot that Christine will be here for lunch!” he said quickly starting to change. 

“Can’t you just order something to eat?” 

“No, I promised to cook for her today,” he came back to the kitchen buttoning his jeans and wearing a blue shirt, opening the fridge. 

“I’m sure fried air is delicious,” Jim commented peeking inside. 

“Shut up… I have to go out and grab something. The store is just around the…” Leonard turned too fast to grab the crutch leaning against the couch and had to hold onto it as he lost his balance for a moment. 

Jim quickly moved next to him, “How about you just call and-“ 

“No. I promised.” He insisted, his anger deflating as fast as it emerged. “It's a way to thank her for helping me…” 

Jim huffed a laugh. “Alright, golden heart, open the fridge again. I think I saw something.” He said, getting a puzzled look in return, “Come on, it’s getting late.” 

Unsure, Leonard put the crutch under his armpit and hopped back to the kitchen, doing as he asked. 

Investigating inside for a bit, Jim nodded, “Ok… There is enough for an emergency lunch. Take the ham, that carrot, and the onion too- and the egg. Do you have some spices?” 

“I think so… Are you planning to cook?” 

Jim smiled, “I’d like to, but...” he said passing a hand through the whole fridge. “Angels aren't allowed to. On the good side, now I can teach you.” 

“I have to admit, I’m impressed,” Christine said once they finished eating, both sitting at the kitchen table. “Who would have thought you were such a good chef?” 

“I always told you that I can cook.” Leonard snorted. 

“Yes, but I didn’t know you had these recipes in your book. The omelet was amazing.” 

“That wasn’t from my book, actually… A friend taught me.” 

Jim smiled from outside the apartment, ear attached to the door. 

“Well, send them my thanks because I’m sure going to steal it.” She nodded, standing to clean the table. 

“Wait, I can-“ 

“You’ve cooked. Leave the dishes to me.” She stopped him. 

Leonard sighed and sat down again. He wanted to say that he wasn’t _that_ tired, but they’d both know it was a lie. “Thanks.” 

“So, how’s the recovery going? Your head still hurts?” 

“Not much. Just some headache in the morning, after I wake up, but it doesn’t last long. Nothing to worry about.” 

“Good. And about your leg?” 

“Still in the cast.” He sighed, looking down at it. 

“You’re using the crutch, right?” 

“Yes, doctor.” 

Christine dried her hands and then patted one on his shoulder, “Glad to hear it. Let me change the bandages and I’ll leave you in peace.” She said heading to the couch where her bag was. 

Leonard let her, sitting there while she examined the wound standing behind him, throwing the old bandage away and using a new one to fix a new, clean patch to cover the wound. “It’s healing pretty well... In another week we might risk removing the bandages completely, but you’ll have to be careful with the stitches.” 

“Ok…” 

“Cheer up, Bones, you actually might end up with less than three months at home.” She finished with the bandage and sat in front of him again. “Unless there’s something else you want to tell me?” 

“I just haven’t slept well for a few days… It’s getting better now, though.” 

She nodded slowly. “Can’t say I’m surprised, considering what happened to you, but if it continues…” 

“I managed to sleep yesterday, and tonight as well. I told you, I’ll get better.” 

“I’m sure you will.” She smiled caringly, then checked the clock, “Ok then. I’ll let you rest. I have other patients waiting for me.” 

“Busy days at the hospital?” he asked grabbing the crutch again to follow her to the door. 

“Ah- well, not more than usual.” 

“If you want me to-“ 

“I want you to stay in bed and sleep.” She stopped him while wearing her jacket and opening the door, “If it’ll get _that_ bad, I can always get a break and invite myself for another lunch, right?” 

“Anytime you want.” Leonard nodded with a smile, waving a hand as she left, disappearing down the stairs. 

“She’s cool,” Jim said standing next to him, making the doctor jump. 

“What did I say about the sudden appearing?” 

“That you don’t like it, but it’s hard for me not doing it…” 

“Then try harder.” Leonard hissed closing the door at his face. 

“Rude.” Jim scoffed, passing right through it. 

“Where did you learn cooking with so few ingredients, anyway?” Leonard asked. 

“Just- surviving, I guess?” Jim shrugged. “It was only me and my brother since we were kids, so we had to learn the basics.” 

“You have a brother?” 

“Yeah. Older than me.” Jim saw him hesitate, so he sighed patiently, “Even if I’m dead, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have siblings when I was alive.” 

“No, I don’t- I mean, did you… Did he know what happened to you? Before becoming an angel? Why you’re not with him, anyway?” 

“Woah, Bones, I thought you were tired?” 

Leonard sighed, “You’re calling me Bones too, now?” 

“I like how it sounds. What’s the story behind it?” 

“I’ll tell you if you answer my questions.” 

Jim grinned. “Deal.” 

“Well… Christine and I know each other since we were kids...” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. We lost contact for a while, but then we meet again, here, in San Francisco, and ended up working in the same hospital. And she still remembered about- my horse.” 

Jim blinked, confused. “Your _what_?” 

“My grandma had a farm. They used to train horses there, for competitions… She was very proud of it and hoped I’d get into it as well, so she gave me one horse for my birthday. I was- twelve, I think.” 

“Don’t tell me…” 

Leonard sighed, looking down. “Bones was the name of my horse...” he confessed, ignoring how the other started laughing. “Christine loved that animal more than I did, so when she saw me again, she decided to put that nickname on me… Come on, is not that funny!” 

“It is. Oh, it is,” Jim said, still laughing, “A very touching story.” 

“Stupid. Just call it as it is.” 

“No, it’s a nice story, really. I thought the nickname was related to your work, like- sawbones, or something?” 

“That’s the story I usually tell everyone.” 

“Then why told me the truth?” Jim asked without thinking but then noticed him staring. His stomach clenched a bit under that look. 

“I don’t know… Maybe there’s no point in lying to an angel?” 

Jim smiled a bit. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.” 

“Now it’s your turn,” Leonard said standing to fill his glass again. 

“Alright… Well, I- I’m pretty sure my brother knows what happened to me. And I’m not his guardian angel because I can’t.” 

“What you mean you can’t?” Leonard turned around, puzzled, “It’s your family. It would be logical that you-“ 

“That’s what I thought, but my boss- I mean, another angel I talked to, was very clear about it: I can’t interact with anyone and anything related to my past life.” 

“That’s bullshit,” Leonard said turning to the sink again. 

“Yeah, I agree…” Jim nodded, jumping when Nyota suddenly appeared between them. 

“Jim, we need to talk.” She said, her expression as tense as her voice. 

Leonard flinched and turned around, eyes going wide as he saw the new guest in the living room. 

“Nyota, hey… W-what are you doing here?” Jim said sending alarming glares at the man that just stared between the two angels, not sure of what to do. 

“Sorry I didn’t warn you, but we really need to talk. It’s important.” She insisted and then turned around. 

Leonard quickly shifted his eyes on the TV, randomly changing the channel and then putting the remote down, walking to the bedroom. 

“Is everything alright?” She asked looking back at Jim. 

“Y-yeah. We- he just finished eating.” 

She nodded. “I’m here because I’ve talked to Spock. He told me you meet again.” 

“Yes, that wasn’t planned either...” Jim couldn’t stop checking on Leonard that was now changing his shirt, giving them his back. He always left when the doctor had company because Jim didn’t want to distract him- he never thought there would be the same problem the other way around. “Can we talk outside? I’m-“ 

“Jim, I’m not kidding. This is serious.” She insisted. “Is it true that you want to know the details about your death?” 

“What? No, I… I didn't ask specifically about that-” 

“Then what else?” 

Jim took a deep breath, relieved to see Leonard disappearing into the bathroom. “It’s about my memories. I’m starting to forget things about my past- not just my death.” 

“I told you, that is the point of you being here-“ 

“You told me that helping Leonard would have helped me too, but never mentioned this. I’m not forgetting things because I want to. It’s like my memories are just being deleted.” 

“How can you progress in your passage otherwise?” 

“Is that what you think?” Jim asked, surprised, “That pretending my past never existed will do the trick?” 

“If the past is what is blocking you here-“ 

“It’s not _blocking_ me. I just don’t want to wake up one day without remembering my own name.” 

“I’m sorry, but I’m confused. I have explained everything to you before making you a guardian angel. I told you what the final goal was-“ 

“And I was trying to do that. I am. I don’t care how long I’ll have to stay here, but those are my memories. I- I’m not ready to forget everything. I don’t want to.” 

Nyota’s face was stone cold. “Jim, what are you saying is completely against the purpose of becoming a guardian angel.” 

Jim was already shaking his head, “And then you’re surprised it takes so long for people to give up…” 

“It’s not about giving up. It’s-“ 

“It is. You throw us into this guardian angel thing, forcing us to focus on someone else so much we forget ourselves- do you really expect us to just agree and say thank you?” 

“I’ve never forced anyone to do this.” 

“No, but it looks like you forget to mention a few details during your explanation.” 

“I told you everything you needed to know.” 

“You never told me I was going to lose my memory!” 

“It crucial for your passage to let those memories go, Jim!” 

“Then you shouldn’t use them against me!” He shot back, not caring of the anger slipping into those worse- nor how Nyota looked hurt for a second. “The spaceship from my childhood, and then that memory of my mother… Are you keeping those _information_ to use just in case things go wrong? So you can keep me under control?” 

Nyota’s lips stayed tightly shut for a moment. “Is this what you really think?” 

“I think you don’t care about what happens to us, as long as we follow the rules.” That was a low blow, but Jim was too angry at that point. As she looked away, Jim looked past her, at Leonard standing in the bathroom’s doorway with a worried expression on his face- and he couldn’t hold that gaze. Not now.

“Maybe you’re right.” Nyota then said, her voice blank. “I misjudged your situation. Allowing you to become a guardian was a decision deserving more consideration.” 

“We’re far beyond that point, now- and that’s not the problem, anyway.” 

“It is. That’s why I’ll take you back to the ship.” 

“What? No, I’ve never said-“ Jim saw Leonard stepping forward, ready to speak before he suddenly found himself back on the spaceship. “Come on- not this again!” Jim groaned at the empty room: the chair and the screens were back, and the stars outside the window as well, but he was alone. “The problem is me losing my memories, not being a guardian! Nyota, you can’t keep me here! I’ve never said that I wanted to quit!” he continued yelling, but no one showed up on the bridge.


	10. Chapter 10

Jim smashed his shoulder against the window once again, but the glass didn’t even tremble at the hit. Taking a step back, he hoped to see some crack on it, already knowing there was none. “HEY! Someone let me out!” He screamed, voice betraying the despair he was starting to feel. “I shouldn’t be here! You have to send me back!” He continued, but there was no response, so he hit the window with his shoulder again, and again. “I’m not- gonna stay here for- one hundred years!” The last hit made him lose his balance and fall down, where he stayed, laying on the floor, too sad to get up.

Breathing hard, all Jim could do was look at the stars outside. “I can’t leave him like this…” he murmured, remembering how worried Leonard looked before Nyota send him back on the spaceship. They were lucky she didn’t realize the doctor could see her... 

“Nyota, I’ll keep screaming until you let me out! You can't keep me here!” Standing up, he moved back to get some distance. “You just wait… I’ll show how dead people can really drive someone insane. Even the angels.” Jim said before running towards the window.

“Please, stop.” 

“Argh- Spock!?” Jim gasped, suddenly finding the angel in front of him: trying to stop, he slipped and fell down on his back again. 

“There’s no need for you to keep hurting yourself against this window. It won’t break.” 

“My shoulder won’t break either… I can’t even feel the pain, so, please, just let me…” he panted, laying on the floor. 

“There is no need,” Spock repeated. “I’m here to send you back to Earth.” 

Jim’s head jumped up, “What?” 

“You heard me.” 

“Yeah, but- why? How?” Jim stood up again. “You've talked with Nyota?” 

“I have. She is still angry with both of us, but what matters now is that you go back and fulfill your duty.” 

“I’m still a guardian?” 

“Of course you are. Doctor McCoy is waiting for you.” 

"O-ok... Thank you." Jim breathed out in relief. “Spock, why she wants me to forget my past so badly? She was the first one to say that these things take time, and still…” 

Spock sighed, descending the few stairs to stop in front of him. “She is not wrong: forget the past it is the ultimate goal of our mission. It was the same for all of us, to become what we are now.” 

“I get it, but-“ 

“And for that reason,” he continued, “I know very well how painful that idea can be for people like you, that still hold onto their past so much. It feels wrong to let everything go, but you need to understand that for those who have been here for such a long time like Nyota and me, we don’t feel doubt, nor guilt anymore. She realized that most of the times it was good for the new guardians to forget their past as quickly as possible but, as I told you already, it’s not the same for everyone. You are a clear example of that.” 

Jim just felt sadder. “It’s so wrong that I want to remember my past? My family?” 

“And what if you do?” Spock calmly asked back. “It will make you feel _alive_? Those memories will make dealing with what you have lost easier?” 

_No. Of course not._ Jim didn’t have the strength to say it aloud. 

“For that reason, please, don’t hate Nyota,” Spock said, sounding strangely worried. “I understand that your memories are important to you, but I also know that the last thing Nyota wants is to feel _anything_ that might remember her about being human. Maybe it doesn't look like it, but this situation is difficult for both of you.” 

“I don’t hate her…” Jim sighed, “but she can’t expect me to give up just like that. I can’t. I’m not ready yet.” 

Spock nodded. “I will do my best to help her understand how are you feeling. For now, can you promise me your doubts won’t distract you from your mission?”

Jim took a deep breath. “They won’t. I know Leonard comes first.” 

“We will find a way to help you as well, I promise. If Nyota won’t, I will.” Spock said, staring intently at him. “For now, farewell.” 

Before Jim could say something, he found himself back in San Francisco, not too far from Leonard’s apartment. Taking a moment to pull himself together, he teleported back home, finding the place silent and empty. 

A few seconds later, the door opened and Leonard appeared with two bags in hand and a little one hanging from the edge of the crutch. Closing the door with the cast, he turned around and jumped, “Hey- it’s you! You’re back?”

“Looks like it.” 

“Well, it's- as strange as it may sound, it’s nice to see you again.” 

Jim smiled a bit. “Sorry about what happened yesterday. I didn’t know she was coming to visit.” 

“Yesterday?” Leonard asked placing the bags on the kitchen table before turning to him, “Last time I saw you it was a week ago.” 

“A week? Really?” 

“Yes. I really thought you were not going to come back. Then I started wondering if I just imagined everything…” 

“I course I was coming back.” Jim laughed a bit. “How are you, anyway? Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah…” Leonard flinched as his phone start buzzing into his pocket. He checked it and quickly put it away.

“Your head wound is ok? Your leg is-?” 

“I’m fine, but…” Leonard stopped, looking away while rubbing a hand behind his neck.

“What? You didn’t get into another accident, did you?” 

“No. I was just… You know...” 

Jim watched him struggling with his words, and then he understood. Surprised, and also curious, Jim asked, “Were you worried about me?” 

“How that woman treated you wasn’t very nice.” Leonard quickly continued, ignoring the question. 

“Yeah… So you can see her too, right?” 

“Yes, but that’s not the point.” 

“It isn’t…?” Jim murmured, taken aback. 

“What you said was true? That you’re losing your memory?” Leonard asked, but Jim just looked away. “That’s what happens becoming a guardian angel?”

“Look, I’m sorry you had to hear all that. If I’d known she was coming-” 

“This is not about me-” 

“Everything’s about you. You’re the reason I’m here in the first place.” Jim wasn’t trying to sound so bitter, but the frustration slipped into his voice. Worst of all, he noticed the doctor looking almost ashamed. “Sorry. I’m not blaming you for what happened to me. It’s just… Being an angel is not as nice as it sounds.” Jim finished, looking down. 

Leonard moved closer to him, jumping again when his cellphone rang. He quickly refused the call and put it away a second time. “I always thought that being an angel was a good thing?”

Jim breathed out and then smiled sadly. “Maybe it’s just not for me.” 

“Then why did you accept to become one?” 

“Because-“ Jim stopped, changing his answer. “Because I was fine with it. They just left a few details out of our contract.” 

“You signed a contract?” 

“I don’t mean _literally_, Bones.” He patiently said, smiling a bit.

“So… The problem is that the longer you stay here and help me, the easier will be to lose your memories?” 

Jim looked both, amazed and confused, “How did you-?” 

“I could hear you and your friend talking. And I’m a pretty decent detective.” 

Jim sighed, looking down. “Maybe I’m just overreacting.” 

“I don't think so... It’s _your_ memories. Even if you’re dead, that doesn’t mean-“ Leonard flinched for the third time as his cellphone rang again. “Oh for God’ sake-“ he muttered nervously, turning the device off. 

“Who is it?” Jim asked. 

“No one.” 

“You sure?” 

“It’s not important, ok? We were talking about you-“ 

“We don’t have to.” Jim stopped him. “I’ll deal with my problems later. I’m here for you, now.” 

Leonard sighed, awkwardly looking away. “You really have to put it that way, don’t you?” he murmured turning to put the phone on the table. 

Jim stared puzzled at him and then smiled hopefully. “Was that Sulu calling?” 

“What? No!” 

“Because if it was him-“ 

“It was my wife, ok?” Leonard snapped, quickly avoiding his eyes. “My ex-wife.” 

“Oh.” Jim lowered his voice- and his level of enthusiasm as well. “Sorry, I thought-“ 

“I know what you thought- what _everybody_ think, but maybe you all should just give up on it so I can try to do the same.” 

Jim watched him angrily walking away and sitting on the bed. After giving him some time, Jim moved to sit next to him. “You’re right. No more talking about _that_ person. I promise.” 

Leonard took a deep breath to calm down, looking sideways at him. “I don’t believe you one bit.” 

“I’m serious. If you don’t want to talk about him, We won't. You know my thoughts about it, so… That’s all. I'll respect the boundaries.” Jim said, but the doctor didn’t comment. “So… Why you didn’t answer your ex-wife?” 

“Didn’t you just said you were going to respect the boundaries?” 

“I thought that was just about Sulu…” 

“Ugh…” Leonard let out a tired groan dropping on his back on the bed. “You’re a stubborn one, aren’t you?” 

“That’s a gentle way to put it.” Jim smiled a bit. 

After a moment of silence, Leonard turned his head towards him. “You’ve been here all this time… That means you know about Carol already?” 

“I only know about her from that time she called you. Before the accident…” he carefully said, not meeting his eyes. 

Leonard sighed. “Then you should know why I don’t want to talk to her.” 

Jim kept quiet for a while, the slowly asked, “She already left the state?” 

“No… She couldn’t contact me while I was at the hospital, so she postponed. Now she wants us to meet before they leave.” 

“Is that a good or a bad thing?” 

“I don’t know...” 

Jim was used to just speak out his mind, but with Leonard able to hear him, it wasn’t that easy anymore. Still, as they both knew by now, he was too stubborn to give up. “That’s why she’s calling? For a meeting?” he asked turning a bit to look better at him. 

Leonard nodded. “She sent me a message saying they’re staying at a friend’s house for a few days. She has a few things to do before leaving.” 

“Thar means you’re going to stay here in San Francisco?” 

Leonard thought for a moment. “I don’t want to leave…” 

“Then don’t. It’s your life, after all. I know they're your family, but- sometimes taking some distance for a while is for the better.” 

_“Come on, you already knew I was going to leave. I can’t stay here. You’ll be fine without me.”_

Jim froze for a second, as another memory crossed his mind. _Right… Sam left me too._

“I just don’t want Jo to hate me because of all this.” 

Jim blinked as Leonard spoke, focusing on him again. “Jo?” 

“My daughter.” He nodded turning to him again. “Joanna. You don’t know about her?” 

“Oh. Yes, I just never heard her name before.” He said, watching him nod in silence, “And she’s not going to hate you. You love her, I’m sure she knows that. And it’s not like you can’t visit her- or they can’t. Maybe they will come back, at some point. Or you will change your mind and decide to move too. Who knows?” 

“Move to Texas?” 

“Or to New York.” Jim smiled innocently as the doctor flashed him with a murderous glare. “Life’s full of surprises...” 

“Jim-” 

“_Shut up_.” He finished for him, looking down, still smiling. 

Leonard took a long breath in and then let it out. “You think I should go to see them?” 

“I think meeting on a neutral ground is for the best.” Jim nodded. “Also, I think you need some fresh air. Away from here for a while.” He added, and the doctor turned to him again. “You’re off duty, anyway.” 

Leonard pushed himself up on his elbows. “I can’t even drive…” 

“You can take a taxi- or use the train. And if those won’t do, you can always look for a bus.” 

“Anything but a plane.” 

“Anything but a plane,” Jim echoed, laughing a bit. “Just think about it as a chance to clear your mind. And if you feel like you’re not ready to see them, you can always turn around and go back home.” 

“And you’ll be there to stop me?” 

“I can’t physically stop you from doing anything, but even if I could, it’s not my call," Jim calmly said. " I just think that letting them go without even saying goodbye… I don’t know, you might regret it later.” 

Leonard kept silent for a long moment, and then sit up, staring intently at the cast around his foot. “Alright… But it’ll be just for a day.” 

“Ok.” 

“Two days.” 

“Bones, you can take even a week off, if you want,” Jim said trying not to laugh. 

“No. No, two days will be enough… Considering my conditions, I’ll better not spend a whole day running around.”

“That’s very wise of you, doctor.” 

“I have to be. Christine will kill me if something else happens while I’m gone.” He sighed standing up to grab his phone and make a call. 

Jim watched him walking back and forth until Carol answered and they started arranging the details for their meeting. All Jim could think about was that they both needed to leave San Francisco- even for just two days.

They left three days later, taking a train early in the morning, with the air outside still too cold despite being November. Leonard had only one bag with him, and the crutch that Jim reminded him to take before leaving the apartment. 

The station was pretty busy even so early, but their train was already waiting there so Leonard was able to climb into it without people pushing or rushing him. 

Jim followed, watching the doctor putting the bag above his seat and then carefully sit down, keeping the crutch between the train’s wall and his right leg, taking a long breath. “You ok?” 

Leonard looked at him and nodded. They talked about it before: it would have been an almost two hours trip, and, in such a tiny space, it was better to keep their communications at minimum. 

Still, ignored or not, Jim was so used to talk, some questions just slipped out as a habit. 

Sitting next to the doctor, Jim couldn't hide a smile, looking around. Turning to the look outside the window, he met Leonard’s questioning glare. “What? I like traveling. And I haven’t used a train in ages.” 

The doctor huffed, shaking his head, carefully fixing his baseball hat. He wasn’t wearing the bandages anymore, but, as Christine told him, he still needed to be very careful with the stitches. 

As the train finally started moving, the seats around them were still mostly empty. 

Jim was looking everywhere with the curiosity of a child, until he turned to the window again, and noticed Leonard smiling at him. “Now what?” 

“It’s just…” Leonard laughed softly again, keeping his voice low, “I never thought I would have ended up on a train with an angel.” 

“I told you, life is full of surprises,” Jim commented, watching Leonard turning to look out the window: he could see him smile on the reflection- but there, Leonard appeared alone. 

Jim’s smile lessened, and he kept quiet as they left San Francisco behind them.

The journey proceeded peacefully, giving Jim time to observe the world outside the train while Leonard was sleeping next to him. A bit worried about how tired the man still was, Jim kept quiet to allow him to rest as much as possible. 

As the train started slowing down before another stop, Leonard woke up, sitting better and looking around with sleepy eyes. “Are we there, yet?” 

“Shh,” Jim warned him, smiling. 

“Uh? Oh… Right.” Leonard whispered, passing both hands over his face. 

“We haven't arrived yet. It’s been just an hour.” 

“How do you know? Angel magic?” 

Jim shook his head, pointing in front of them. “No, the time is there, on the screen.” He said, smiling as Leonard nodded, probably not even listening. “We should stop another few times...” 

The doctor looked outside, just in time to read the name of the next station. “Wellington. Yeah, we…” he stopped to cover a yawn with a hand, “We’re around half an hour from our stop.” 

“Wellington?” 

“That’s where we are now.” He signed gesturing outside. “See? That’s the stat- hey!” Leonard flinched back, pressed against the seat as Jim suddenly leaned in front of him to look out the window. 

_Why that sounds familiar?_ Jim wondered, scanning the station as the train slowly stopped. _This place… I’ve been here before?_

“Jim?” 

“Mh?” he asked, eyes still on Wellington’s station. 

“Do you mind…?” 

“I think I know this place.” 

“You do?” 

“It feels like I’ve been here before...” 

“Well, why don’t you go take a look?” 

“What?” Jim frowned turning to him, finding their faces much closer than expected. “No, I can’t leave you alone.” 

“I mean, you can- teleport outside and then come back here when the train starts moving again,” Leonard said, still pressed against the back of the seat, trying to stay as immobile as possible. Angel or not, those bright, blue eyes looked way too real- and it was hard for the doctor to stare at them for too long. 

“Maybe… I think I can do that.” Jim said, realizing only then how he was trapping the doctor on his seat. “I’ll be right back.” He nodded moving back and disappearing. 

Leonard finally breathed out, relaxing again. 

Jim reappeared outside a second later, in time to move away from a group of people running to take another train. Looking around, the station had nothing out of the ordinary, and still… 

“I’ve been here before.” Jim murmured slowly walking towards the exit. There was a short corridor there, with a bar on one side and a large waiting room on the other. Watching the people walking away with their drinks, he noticed the cup a woman was keeping into her hand- and he knew he has used one of those in the past. 

A whistle made him turn around, as their train was slowly leaving Wellington. 

Jim took one last look at the corridor, at the city barely visible at the end of it, and just sighed, teleporting away, reappearing next to Leonard that was still looking back at the station. “Hey.” 

Leonard gasped and turned around. “Hey… So? How did it go?” 

“I’m not sure… Maybe I was wrong.” 

“You seemed pretty convinced to know that place.” 

“Yeah, well... All the stations look pretty much the same.” Jim said keeping his eyes down, waiting to hear his phone receiving the last warning- but nothing happened. Looking at Leonard, he found him still staring. “Come on, cheer up. You’re going to see your daughter soon.” 

Leonard didn’t seem convinced, but nodded, sitting better and turning his head to look outside. 

Jim sighed and closed his eyes, the image of that coffee cup floating into his mind for the rest of the journey.

Once at their destination, Leonard got a taxi that stopped after a few minutes in a busy, circular square.

“This place looks nice,” Jim commented studying the surroundings.

“Yeah, it’s nice,” Leonard said putting the bag on his shoulder, holding tightly on the crutch. 

“Hey, you know you shouldn’t talk with-“ turning around, Jim curiously noticed him putting headphones into his ears. 

“What? Better pretend to be on the phone with an angel than talk directly to him, don’t you think?” Leonard snorted, leaving the microphone hanging very visible over the jacket, keeping it connected to the phone into his hand. 

“Very clever, Doctor McCoy.” Jim smile, impressed, following him through the crowd. 

Leonard turned into an alley that led them to a more isolated area. In front of an old Church, he slowed down, looking at the angel. 

Jim frowned, “What?” he asked, but the doctor just shook his head, proceeding into another alley that ended into a large street, with a green, big field next to it. 

“We’re almost there,” Leonard said after a while. 

“Why you didn’t ask the taxi to take you here?” 

“I wanted to walk for a bit.” 

Jim studied him, “Even if you’re tired?” 

“I’m not.” He snorted, and then slowed down, “That’s the place.” 

Jim followed his gaze, noticing a large, big house at the end of the street, with a fancy garden all around. “Is that...? That’s a hotel?” 

“It is. Our friend is the owner.” Leonard said stopping and leaning on the front gate, pretending to stare at the building while resting for a moment. 

“And you don’t want to stay here for the night?” 

“No. I told you... There’s another place not too far. I’ll go there.” 

Jim blinked, confused. “Why?” 

“Because-“ Leonard sighed nervously, “It would be weird.” He turned, finding Jim staring at him with a very tired expression. “Too weird, ok?” 

“It’s only for a night and your family is here. Cut it out and just take a room!” Jim barked. 

A gasp and something crashing make them both jump and turn to the entrance where a woman with short, light-brown hair was standing, in front of the remains of what looked like a few dishes. 

Leonard sighed. “Hi, Carol.” 

“What happened to you?!” She asked running towards him, looking in shock at the cast and then back at his face. 

“It’s a long story…” This time it was a scream to make them all jump, but then Leonard smiled looking over Carol. “Hey, cookie!” 

“DAD!” 

Jim moved away as a little girl ran straight towards them, jumping to hug her dad, almost making them both fall. He smiled watching Carol helping them to keep their balance while asking more questions, with Joanna doing the same, creating a little mess in the no more peaceful street. 

Joanna’s long hair was a combination of her parent's hair, an intense dark-chocolate brown, with two shining green eyes focused solemnly on her dad while talking about everything all at once. 

“Ok- ok, can we go talk inside before someone calls the police?” Leonard said putting her down after trying his best to keep her up with one arm. 

“Yes- of course. Come on.” Carol said leading the way towards the entrance. 

Jim watched them disappearing inside but noticed Leonard stop there for a moment, smiling apologetically. Jim nodded and smiled back, waving a hand. “Have fun.” He said, and the doctor sighed, closing the door. 

If being alone for a few days the price to see Leonard smiling a bit more, his guardian angel was more than happy to comply.

The day passed by slowly, but Jim kept himself busy walking around the hotel, exploring the woods behind it and the field not too far, and everywhere his feet would take him. He could feel Leonard’s heartbeat fastening often, just to slow down again, but Jim dared to teleport inside the hotel only twice, staying hidden while checking on him: the doctor was always with his daughter, playing, eating, or sleeping on the couch together. The situation seemed under control, so Jim didn’t bother to check again for the rest of the day. 

The night was quieter there than in the big city, and the stars visible through some clouds. Jim decided to stop and stare at them, sitting on a swing behind the hotel, far enough to not be noticed- from the only person able to see him, that is. 

Wellington was still into his mind, but the more he tried to remember something about it, the less he could. 

“Maybe I've lost those memories already…” Jim murmured. Sighing, he wondered if he needed to call Nyota, to see how she was. _Always if she doesn't want to kill me. Again._, he thought. 

A door opening made him look to the hotel, surprised to see Leonard walking towards him. Jim stared at him until the doctor sat on the swing next to him, and noticed the earphones were back. “Let me guess, you have an important call from work?” 

“I’m a busy man,” Leonard smiled. 

Jim realized he hasn’t seen him so relaxed since Sulu left. “I noticed,” he nodded, tilting his head to the hotel. “You should go back. I’m sure Joanna is waiting for you.” 

“She already went to bed. It’s pretty late.” 

“Then you should go to rest too.” 

“I will. I just wanted to make sure that you were ok.” 

“Me?” Jim laughed a bit. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m enjoying the vacation as much as you are.” 

“Really?” 

“I even saw a deer into those woods.” 

“Wow.” 

“I know right? I haven’t seen a deer in- I think I never saw one, actually.” 

“That’s good to hear. I was feeling bad for leaving you outside, but…” 

“Don’t be. My presence is distracting enough when you’re home, figures with all your family around.” Jim reassured him. “So, everything’s going well?” 

“Way better than I thought,” Leonard confirmed, sending a quick glare at the hotel behind himself. “Carol… She apologized for that call, weeks ago.” 

“It was a bit weird asking you to move, just like that…” 

Leonard nodded. “That’s what she said, but she described it as _stupid request_.” 

“That too.” Jim nodded, smiling a bit. “They’re still leaving?” 

“Yeah. In a few days. She explained the situation to me... And I’m not saying I totally agree with her, but she has her reason to leave San Francisco for a while.” 

“_For a while_?” 

“She said she wants to come back, once everything will be sorted out.” 

Jim saw him smiling a bit, and could feel his relief. “That’s great. See? I told you that this trip would be worth it.” 

“Considering I was expecting to get another leg or arm broken, yeah, it was probably worth it.” 

“Bones, you need to be more optimistic,” Jim commented. “Speaking of which, did you tell her about the accident? Both of them?” 

“I just told her about the car accident.” He said, voice lower. “There’s no need to scare them with the rest.” 

“You keep saying that…” Jim sighed, but the doctor kept his eyes down. “Anyway, I’m glad you two sorted it out without trying to kill each other.” 

“Me too.” 

“Are you staying here for the night?” 

“Carol insisted to give me a room…” Leonard sighed, ignoring the little smirk on Jim’s face. “We’re still leaving tomorrow, before lunch.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yes.” 

Jim nodded. “Alright. I’ll wait for you outside the gate, then.” 

They sat there in silence for a while, then Leonard took a deep breath and looked at him. “Thanks for coming here with me,” he said, “For convincing me to go.” 

Surprised, Jim smiled. “You just needed a little push. That is what I’m here for.”

Leonard’s smile lessened at that, as if a thought crossed his mind and he wanted to say it aloud, but then changed his mind. “I better go back inside…” 

“You ok?” 

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m just tired.” He smiled weakly, standing up. “See you tomorrow.” 

Jim nodded, watching him walk away.

* 

Later the next morning, Jim was watching Leonard saying goodbye to his family, hugging Joanna and then, with a bit of hesitation, did the same with Carol and also smiled. They talked a bit more before the doctor turned around, heading to the street, the crutch thumping on the concreate.

Jim was waiting a few meters away, just to be sure. “You’re ready to go back home?” he asked once the other reached him. 

“Yeah…” Leonard said, putting the headphones into his ears again. “You?” 

“I’ll miss walking in the woods...” 

“You can come back here sometimes. When you’re not too busy with me.” 

“I doubt it.” 

“Why?” Leonard asked, heading to the well-known alley. 

“It’s too far. I can’t just leave whenever I feel like it.” 

“I know I’m repeating myself, but, why? Why you can’t?” 

“Let’s say angels have their own rules. My duty is to stay with you, so…” 

“But I saw you leaving more than once…” 

“It was only for a while, and I was always close by.” 

“Well, if you want to come back here, know that is not a problem for me.” 

“It’ll be a problem for someone else.” Jim sighed. 

“You mean that woman- the other angel I saw in my apartment?” Leonard asked and Jim nodded. 

“In a sense, she’s right... I’m your guardian, after all. I have to stay with you.” 

“Still, doing that, you’re losing your memory.” 

Jim didn’t comment, looking down. 

“Look, you can talk to me, ok?” Leonard said suddenly stopping, stepping back as the angel almost didn’t notice. “I know you shouldn’t, and I know I might not understand half of the things you say, but… This _thing_ between us is always one-sided and I don’t like it.” 

Jim stared at him, confused. “This is just how it works…?” 

“No, it’s not. You told me you consider yourself human- and you’re pretty real to me, that’s for sure, so... I’d like to help if I can. Somehow.” 

Jim wished he could hug the man, because that was all he wanted to do at the moment. “I- I appreciate it. It means a lot, really, but you don’t have to worry about me.” 

“But I do. I don’t want you to lose your memories because of me.” 

“That’s not your fault. It’s just- something that happens becoming angels, apparently.” 

“And you clearly don’t want that to happen.” 

“Bones-“ 

“There must be a way to help you keep those memories. They can’t simply disappear and-“ 

“Enough.” Jim didn’t yell, but his voice was high and nervous enough to make Leonard shut his mouth. Jim took a deep breath to calm down. “That’s none of your business, so, please, just drop it, ok? I can handle it.” _I can’t risk getting that last warning. I don’t want to leave… I don’t want to leave you._ Jim felt his heart hurt at that thought, and just looked down to hide the pain. 

“_None of my business._” Leonard repeated bitterly. “My life wasn’t your business either, but here you are.” 

“It’s different.” 

“How is different?” 

“Well, for starter, you’re not dead.” Jim cut short colder than he intended and instantly regretted those words. 

Leonard held his gaze but said nothing. He just looked away and removed the headphones from his ears, walking away, making it clear that the conversation was over. 

The first hour on the train went by slowly and in silence. 

Jim was sitting on the row parallel to Leonard’s, checking on him from time to time: the doctor kept his eyes out the window, making the angel feel guiltier. 

_I can’t risk it… I just can’t._ Jim kept repeating to himself until he heard the voice from the speakers warning them that they were close to Wellington’s station. Again, he eagerly turned to watch outside, getting that nostalgic feeling. _Why? Why this place is..._

Jim's thoughts come to a halt as he saw Leonard standing up, grabbing his bag and the crutch. “Bones?” he called, but the doctor didn’t even look at him. “Where are you going?” He quickly ran after the man until they stopped in front of one of the exits, waiting for the door to open. “This isn’t our stop.” 

“I know.” Leonard finally said, putting the headphones back on, even if there was no one around. 

“Then what are you doing?” 

“Since you won’t talk to me, I’ll do some investigation.” 

“Investigation? What are you-?” 

“You keep your secrets. This place clearly means something for you, so I'll look around myself.” The train stopped and the door slid open. 

“WHAT? No, listen- come on, you can’t do this!” Jim cried following him. 

“I’m not dead, so yes, I can.” 

“Bones, I’m sorry for what I’ve said before, really. I get nervous when it's about me and my past…” 

“No shit,” Leonard scoffed, marching towards the station’s exit. 

“I mean it. Now, please, go back on the train, ok?” 

Leonard stopped, staring coldly at him. “Make me.” 

Jim tried to say something, but the doctor was already gone. “You know I can’t stop you, but that doesn’t mean- Bones!” He kept calling, but the doctor didn’t stop, leaving the station, and suddenly Jim was scared of what they were going to find in Wellington.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Most of) The cliffhangers aren't intentional, I swear


	11. Chapter 11

“Bones, please,” Jim kept whining, but the doctor simply ignored him. “There’s nothing to find here. You’re just wasting time!” 

“Well, it’s my time. I can do whatever I want with it.” Leonard murmured, checking the microphone’s wire was clearly visible hanging from his ear and connected to the cellphone in his hand. 

“It is, so why don’t you use it to go visit Sulu instead?” 

“Wow. That’s a low blow even for an angel.” 

“I’m serious! You’re going to lose the train and then what?” 

“Then I’ll go make another ticket.” 

“You don’t have to! Just go home!” Jim insisted, but the doctor didn’t stop, and, eventually, they were outside the station. A map of the town situated close by showed them they were right in the center of Wellington. 

Leonard stared at it with interest. “Hey look, there’s even a science museum.” 

“Good. Can we leave now?” 

“Don’t be a baby.” Leonard sighed, proceeding slowly, without a particular destination. 

“I’m not being a baby! I just don’t want you to stay here for no reason. What if you get sick? What if you need more medicines? Huh? What if-“ 

“What if you calm down and just tell me where to go?” 

“You’re asking **me**? How am I supposed to know?!” 

“Clearly you know this place. Maybe you have been here before, I don’t know, but you wanted to stop here since yesterday- and don't even try denying it. I’m just a human being, but I’m not _that_ stupid.” 

“I never thought-” 

“Then stop treating me like one.” Leonard turned to him, stopping in front of a fancy, old building. Luckily, there were very few people in the large, long street. “I know I’m just a job for you, and if you don’t want to trust me, fine, I get it, but then don’t be so shocked if I start looking for answers you don’t want to give me.”

Speechless, Jim watched him turning around and walking away before he could respond. Taking a deep breath- and hating himself a bit more- Jim said in exasperation, “It’s not about trust.” 

“Whatever you say...” Leonard commented without stopping. 

“There are things I haven’t told you, but it’s not because I don’t trust you!” Jim insisted, following. 

“When you’ll feel ready to talk, let me know.” 

“It’s because I don’t want to leave you!” Jim yelled, and the other stopped to look back at him. “I just don’t want to leave.” He repeated sadly.

Leonard’s face softened, unsure. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that the only reason I’m here, since day one, it’s you. Literally. I can’t look for my family or anything related to my life, or else I’ll have to leave this world. That’s why I never want to talk about it. Because it hurts; because it makes me angry and- and it’s just sad thinking about it.” 

Leonard stared at him in silence for a moment, then breathed out and looked away, “Let’s stop here for sec.” 

“Bones-“ 

“I’m tired.” He cut short disappearing behind the corner. 

Jim slowly followed, finding a little park there: it was just a little group of trees covering a couple of benches, and it was there that Leonard stopped, sitting and dropping the bag next to himself. Walking closer, Jim was already regretting that little explosion and confession he just made.

Leonard kept his eyes down, massaging his forehead with a hand. When he looked up, his voice was calm, but also serious. “Explain.” 

“I already told you everything.” 

“One step forward and two backward, huh?” Leonard sighed, but the angel just looked away. “Fine, then I’ll make the question and this time you will answer.” 

“I’m just-“ 

“You knew about this _rules_ before becoming my guardian angel? Someone told you about it?” 

Jim sighed in resignation. “Yes. My- my boss told me the first day.” 

“Your- you have a _boss_?” 

“Nyota. You saw her the other day…” 

“Ok…” Leonard nodded slowly, “And even knowing that, you accepted anyway?” 

“It was better than the alternative.” 

“Which was?” 

Jim was very close to just teleport away, but Leonard was staring, and there was no judging into his eyes… The doctor simply wanted to understand. “The alternative was staying somewhere else.” 

“You mean…?” 

Jim sighed patiently, shaking his head. “Just another place. I was supposed to stay there, alone… For one hundred years.”

Leonard’s eyes widen in surprise. 

“That’s why I accepted to become your guardian. I didn’t know I was going to lose my memory, but it’s still better than an eternity spent isolated in a prison.” 

“Jim, I...” 

“It’s fine. You didn't know.” He stopped him.

Leonard sighed, watching him sitting on the other side of the bag. “That’s what will happen if you break the rules? They’ll put you in prison?” he asked, and Jim nodded. “How they would know, though? Someone is keeping an eye on you all the time?” 

“I doubt it… It’s angels. They’ll just know.” 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“Because I’m still here, talking to you.” Jim said with a little shrug, “I would be long gone if someone knew about your gift. I still don’t know why it's taking them so long to realize, honestly.” 

Leonard thought for a moment. “If they don’t know about me, maybe they wouldn’t know about you looking for your family either?” 

“They would know,” Jim repeated. “It happened already, and they instantly knew.” 

“How?” 

Jim didn’t want to answer. He didn’t even know why he was saying everything… Still, meeting Leonard’s eyes, he simply couldn’t lie. “I can make only three _mistakes_, as they called it. I've got a warning on my phone right away every time that happened.” 

“You mean-?” Leonard swallowed. “How many warnings have you got so far?” 

Jim sighed, looking down. “Two.” 

“You have only one left?” Leonard asked in disbelief. “How- how that happened?” 

“At the beginning wasn’t easy to adjust to all this. I thought that I was home and everything would be fine, but then- then one day I saw something that reminded me of my family and…” 

“And you couldn’t ignore it.” Leonard finished for him. 

“I accepted becoming your guardian and everything, I was ready for it, but that day… You were so happy with Sulu, and I just... I thought you didn’t need me. While I needed _something_ to hold onto.” Jim noticed Leonard looking sadly at him and quickly added, “It never happened again. After that day I was always with you, but that time…” 

“You don’t have to justify yourself. Especially not to me.” Leonard stopped him. “I don't know how you felt that time, or even now, but I can tell that it hurts. That’s why I want you to help me understand, so I can help you. Or I can try to, at least.” 

“How?” Jim laughed sadly. “Now you know that I can’t get near anything related to my past. Literally. It’s too risky. There’s nothing I can do.” 

Leonard thought for a moment, and then asked, “You got the second warning for the same reason?” 

Jim froze for a second. “No. That was… Because I wanted to feel alive again. So damn much…” shaking his head, Jim just looked down, ashamed to realize he wasn’t brave enough to tell the full truth about what happened that day. 

Leonard took a deep breath and didn’t insist. “I’m sorry, Jim.” 

“It’s just- life. And death. And they both sucks.” 

“Can’t agree more,” Leonard laughed a bit. 

“That’s why I don’t want you to get involved. If I have to lose some of my memories to stay here, I’m fine with it.” 

“Are you?” 

Jim wanted to say yes, but… “Maybe I won’t lose all of them. Someone is trying to help me already, so…” 

Leonard kept quiet for a while and then nodded slowly. “You know, I think… I think we could turn those rules on our advantage.” 

“What do you mean?” Jim asked, unsure.

“You said you got those warning only when you wanted to disobey, right? The first time was because you saw something that reminded you about your family and you _wanted_ to leave me to follow them… And the second time you _wanted_ to be still alive- you wished for it, right?” 

“Y-yes…? What’s your point?” 

“My point is, even if Wellington is connected to you and your past somehow, you haven’t got the last warning since we left the train,” Leonard explained, and the other just frowned. “Maybe because you really _don’t want_ to be here, or maybe because you don’t have memories of this place… Either way, you’re basically just following me, as you should.” 

Jim blinked, starting to understand. “Please, tell me you’re not suggesting to-“ 

“I can look around and search for information about you and your past without you getting a warning.” 

“No. No, this isn’t going to work…” 

“Why? If you can’t remember, you’re not really looking for your past. You _can’t_. It’s just a feeling, nothing more.” 

“That’s a bit of a stretch, Bones, even for the angels.” 

“I think it might work.” 

Jim just wanted to say no and leave, but he knew the doctor was more stubborn than that- and Leonard was also the only one able to make another train ticket, so if he wanted to convince him, he needed a better strategy... But he really wanted to make him change his mind? “That's- it's too risky," Jim said, trying to ignore that question. "What if we find something that will make me remember everything and then-" 

“Then you’ll stay away. If you see something that gives you a strange feeling, you tell me and I’ll go look.” 

They stared at each other for a moment, and Jim still couldn’t believe what was happening. “You are serious about this…?” 

“If they want you to forget so badly, I say to use it to our advantage. As far as possible.” He nodded. “I just think that it’s not fair… You’re not trying to betray them, you- you just want to keep your memories. I see nothing wrong with that.” 

Jim took a deep breath, asking himself if he was more scared or more intrigued regarding Leonard's crazy plan. “You do understand that if I get that last warning I’ll be gone? For good this time.” 

“In that case, just tell them that I can see you.” 

“What?! No!”

“It might be your only way to come back.” Leonard insisted. “I know this plan is dangerous, and if they really take you away, I... I mean, we both know there isn't much I'll be able to do to help you.” 

“Look, I appreciate the sentiment, really, but if I tell them about us-“ 

“What? What else they can possibly do?” Leonard asked. “You’ll be in prison already, and I’ve dealt with some shit recently. Angels can’t be scarier than a gun pointed at my face.” 

“You don’t know that…” Jim sighed. “I don’t know that either.” He added, worried. 

“As long as I stay alive and you don’t abandon me to follow some of your memories, I think we’ll be fine.” 

Jim stared back at him, wondering if they both have gone crazy. “Ok, we can try, but promise me that whatever we find, if we find anything, you’re going back home before sunset.” 

“Deal,” Leonard said with a smile, grabbing his bag and standing up, the crutch thumping on the leaves while he left, with his guardian angel right after him.

The research started with the best intentions, but without any clue, they ended up wandering around the city until four in the afternoon and no progress was made. 

Getting more worried by the second, Jim basically ordered Leonard to stop for a break and, this time, the man didn’t object, taking a sandwich and some water to the closest bar, sitting on a more isolated area. 

“You should go home,” Jim said standing in front of him. 

“I’m fine.” 

“You’re exhausted.”

“I’ll always be if I don’t exercise a bit.” 

"There's the gym for that, you know?" Jim saw him smiling, but it was a tired smile: Leonard has spent hours using the crutch and dragging his bag around, and Jim knew it was too much for the doctor. “If we don’t find anything in the next two hours, we’re leaving.” 

“Oh really?” 

“First of all, you promised; second, if you want to torture yourself like this, I don’t want to be part of it,” Jim said crossing his arms, looking at the buildings around them. 

Leonard sighed, then finished the sandwich and drank some water. “Were you actually part of it until now?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"I'm just wondering if you were really trying to help me,” he said, getting an annoyed glare in return. “I'm sorry, but we walked for hours and nothing ringed a bell for you? Nothing at all?” 

“It almost looks like the problem about losing memory is that _you don’t remember anything_, isn't it, _doctor_?” Jim hissed nervously. 

"Ok, fine. Sorry." Leonard stood up, throwing the bottle in a trashcan close by. He looked around and then smiled. “I’ve got an idea.” 

“I'm starting to hate when you say that...” Jim watched him grabbing the bag and quickly walking away, towards a Church. “Really? That’s your idea?” 

“Better than just walk around for another two hours without a destination.”

"I know a destination: behind us, proceed straight ahead towards the station and go home." 

"Very funny," Leonard scoffed, and then suddenly stopped, turning to him. “You know if angels usually patrol churches?” 

Jim closed his eyes, looking for the strength to not facepalm himself. "Who knows? Maybe there's an army waiting for us in there.” 

"Can you stop and just answer the question?" 

"Probably a bunch of snipers on the chandelier..." 

Leonard groaned and turned around, climbing the stairs and disappearing behind the heavy wooden doors. 

“And I thought I was impulsive,” Jim commented teleporting inside the Church: the place was warm and silent, weak lights illuminating the desert corridor. “I think we’re good. You might want to pray anyway, though... An army of angels could descend on us anytime soon.” He said turning to the doctor. 

“It won’t take too long.” Leonard looked on the left and put the bag down, starting to climb the little and tight stairway to the upper floor. 

“Where are you going?” 

“The- bell tower,” Leonard said, short of breath. 

Still unsure, Jim looked up, teleporting in the little space up there, right before Leonard arrived. 

The doctor looked at the old metal ladder that was the only way to reach the top. “We can use that and then-“ 

“No. No, hey,” Jim quickly stepped in front of it. “You’re not going to climb that.” 

“We need to go higher. It’s the only way-” 

“The only way to break your neck, yes,” Jim nodded nervously, aware that all he could use to stop the man were his words. “I'm here to avoid just that, so don't even think about it, ok? It's not safe. Not normally, figures with only one foot.” 

Leonard looked down at the cast and sighed. “Fine. Then you go. You have two hours to find something.” 

Jim relaxed a bit. “I'm starting to think that you really are crazy, you know?” 

“Maybe it's not that bad,” he grinned tiredly. 

“As long as you wait here," Jim nodded. "I'll be back soon. Don’t move.” 

“Ok, ok…” 

Jim stared at him for another second before teleporting upstairs, right next to the old bell. Looking down the ladder, he felt a shiver of fear thinking of Leonard trying to climb up there. He then turned to the city, admiring the skyline: it was getting dark and cloudy, and the wind was stronger; there were an infinite amount of buildings, and even a plane visible flying above them. 

“So? Found anything?” Leonard yelled from below. 

“I’ve never been up here, that's for sure,” Jim yelled back, studying the horizon. “I don’t even know what to look for…” he murmured, and then something caught his attention: the light reflecting on a window, probably, shining like a star... 

Leonard was leaning against the wall when the angel reappeared next to him, making him flinch slightly. “So?” 

“I saw a building that looks familiar, but I’m not sure.” 

“I see that as a progress. Come on. Where is it?” 

“East. Please, be careful…” Jim said watching him descend the stairs, wondering if it would have been better just lying and go back home. 

It took them a while to find the right place, but once they did, Jim was sure he knew that place: it was a four floors apartment building, with dark-red walls and a few trees all around; the area was far away from the busy streets. 

“This is it?” Leonard asked as they stopped in front of it, on the other side of the street. 

“Yeah… I’ve definitely been here before.” 

“Good. Then, turn around.” 

Jim frowned. “What?” 

“You don’t have to remember yet, so turn around and wait here while I go investigate.” 

“No way. You’re not going in there alone!” 

“I can and I will.” Leonard cut short. “Come on, we talked about this already. I just have to ask about you to the neighbors.” 

“If something happens-“ 

“I’ll be on my own, like any other human being.” 

Jim sighed nervously. “This is getting ridiculous,” he murmured turning around. 

“As long as it will save you from being locked in a prison, we’ll do all the ridiculous stuff. Wait here.” 

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Jim said hearing the crutch's thumps fading in the distance. He stared at the trees and sighed again, “This is _beyond_ ridiculous…” 

After a while, Jim was getting more and more anxious. “Come on, Bones…” he murmured focusing on Leonard’s heartbeat that was still stable. “This whole plan was a mistake. We shouldn’t be here… I shouldn’t be here. If Nyota finds out-” It was then that Leonard’s heart skipped a beat and then started running like crazy. “Damn it.” He murmured teleporting to him. 

Jim found himself in a corridor with cream-colored walls that weren't new to him. “Bones?” he called running forward, trying to ignore whatever memory of that place was poking into his mind. He then noticed an open door. 

“-and I’m not asking you again!” a woman was yelling. 

Jim ran inside, finding a woman with blond, short hair pointing a gun at Leonard that was standing in the middle of an empty apartment, hands up. “Really? Again?” he asked, realizing the doctor wasn't even looking at him- he was barely breathing. “Bones, I know you’re scared but you need to breathe, man.” 

“Who are you?” She yelled again, moving forward. 

“Please, take a deep breath. It's ok-” Jim continued, walking past her, but Leonard fainted a second later. 

Jim was standing in the doorway of the apartment when Leonard woke up with a groan. He said quickly moved closer, kneeling next to him on the floor. “Hey... How are you feeling?”

“'not sure…” Leonard murmured with a sigh, “Did I saw a gun or it was my imagination?” 

“It was a gun." 

“Ugh…" the doctor sighed passing a hand over his face. 

"I can’t believe it happened again.”

"Me either..."

“I told you this was a stupid idea! All you had to do was go back to the station-“ 

“Wait- where’s that woman?"

"Are you listening to me?!" 

"I am, but I'd like to know why she has a gun, first.” 

“She lives few doors away,” Jim replied, nervously gesturing at the entrance. “I don’t think she wants to kill you. She brought you a pillow after you fainted.” 

Leonard slowly sat up, noticing it just then. “She treats me with a gun and then brings me a pillow?” 

“Maybe she's in charge of the security here,” Jim said with a shrug. “How did you get in here, anyway? _Why_ did you get in here?” 

“I…” Leonard stopped hearing footsteps from the corridor outside, and a moment later the woman was back with a glass of water in hand. 

“You’re awake,” she said, giving him a little, polite smile. “Are you feeling better?” 

Leonard nodded but refused the water. “You were pointing a gun at me, before?” 

“I was.” She confirmed. “Sorry about that, but I thought you were a thief.” 

“A thief?” Both Leonard and Jim repeated, confused. 

“I live a few doors away, so I know this is not your apartment, and the place was locked last time I checked. Unless you’re the new owner…?” 

“No… No, I’m not,” Leonard said, having some problems standing up without the crutch. When she offered a hand, he accepted it, "But I’m not a thief either. I just found the door open.” 

“It was open?” 

“You still have to explain about that gun, by the way.” 

She kept studying him but then moved to grab something from her pocket, ignoring the little step back he took, and handing it to him. 

Leonard stared at the ID and breathed out, “You’re a cop…”

“Carol Marcus. Now, mind explaining what were you doing here, Doctor McCoy?” She asked, giving back his wallet too. 

“Was it really necessary?” He commented taking it back. 

“I was informed about burglars messing around here and I found you in an empty apartment. I think I deserve some explanation.” 

Leonard looked sideways at Jim for a second that nodded. “A friend of mine used to live here. I just wanted to say hi. The door was open, so I decided to check myself. I shouldn’t have, I know...” 

“You definitely shouldn’t have.” She confirmed. 

"I had no idea he moved somewhere else." 

“So you knew the previous owner?” 

“Yes.” 

“Name?” 

“Kirk,” Jim whispered to him. 

“Jim Kirk,” Leonard repeated. “Do you know him?” 

Carol kept staring for a moment, and then shook her head, “No. The apartment was already empty when I got here, a few weeks ago.” 

Leonard nodded, looking around: there was nothing left there, only the furniture and a stool in the kitchen. 

“You can always call and ask him?” she asked. 

“I doubt it. He’s-“ Leonard stopped just in time. “He’s a bit of a traveler... Hard to find. That's why I hoped he was still living here.” 

Carol nodded, giving one last look at the place. “Still, I have to ask you to leave now. I won't call you in this time, but strangers aren’t allowed to wander inside the building.” 

“Of course. Sorry about that.” 

“I’m sorry as well,” she said grabbing the crutch from the wall and giving it back to him. “About the gun,” she added, “I didn’t mean to scare you _that_ much.” 

“It’s fine. I- I'm easily impressionable.” He laughed a bit, heading to the door.

“That’s new, coming from a doctor.” 

“No one’s perfect.” He commented, noticing his bag in the corridor, open. 

“I had to check that too. Sorry.” She said closing the door behind her. 

Leonard nodded, grabbing it. “Sorry again for the trouble- and thanks for not arresting me,” Leonard said with a nod before slowly starting to go downstairs. 

Once outside the building and back on the other side of the street, Jim breathed out before yelling at him, “What the hell were you thinking going in there?! She almost shot you!” 

“Please- you’re giving me a headache…” Leonard groaned walking away. 

“You’re not coming back here, you hear me? Ever again! It was just a waste of time. And you almost got shot again!” 

“Yes, I get it, no need to-“ 

“Can you at least _try_ to stay away from guns? Huh? For me?” 

“It wasn’t a complete waste of time,” Leonard said: as they walked behind a corner, he took something from his pocket to show him. 

“A key?” Jim asked, studying it. 

“You really thought I found that door open?” 

Jim blinked, surprised, “You lied to a cop?” 

“You think she would have believed the story of me looking for the past life of my guardian angel?” 

“Well… Ok, fine, but where did you find it?” 

“I saw there was only one empty apartment on the mailboxes, and those are divided by floors, so I knew the apartment was on the last floor. I checked the door and found this key hidden behind the doorframe.” 

Jim stared at him in disbelief. “Bones, are you sure you're a doctor?” 

“I used to hide a copy of my key the same way in my old apartment. You see the letters on it?” 

Jim looked closer to read, “J. K.” 

“It could mean anything, but it matches your name, too,” Leonard said with a little smile. 

“You think that was my house?” 

“You tell me,” he shrugged, “You didn’t get any memories from it?” 

“Not really. It felt familiar, but nothing more.” 

“Probably because it was empty… Damn it. If Carol didn’t stop us, I could have-” He stopped, laughing a bit. 

“What?” 

“I was just thinking… I almost got shot by a woman with the same name as my ex-wife.” Leonard laughed again at his tired expression. “I just find it funny.” 

"At least one of us can laugh about this mess..." 

"Hey, is that or panic about the fact I almost got shot again. I prefer to laugh." Leonard commented, taking a deep breath while proceeding down the street.

Jim shook his head, slowing down, watching him take the lead. “Hey, Bones?” he called, and the doctor stopped, turning around. “What you said before, about you being just a job for me… You have never been _just a job_, ok? It’s nice being here, but- it's you what makes it better. So... I just want you to stay safe.” 

Leonard smiled a bit, looking away when he started blushing. “You’re getting sentimental now?” 

“Maybe.” Jim laughed, moving next to him. “I just wanted to make it clear. The way you’re trying to help me, even just talking to me… It means a lot.” 

“I guess I would be a great guardian angel.” He said starting to walk again. 

“A grumpy, great guardian angel.” 

“Sounds like me. Come on, I really need a coffee…” 

From inside the building, Carol Marcus has watched the doctor disappearing behind a corner, and only then he grabbed her phone to make a call. “Hey, it’s me. I need a favor… No, nothing like that. Can you find a person for me? Thanks… Name’s McCoy. Leonard McCoy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had the Sherlock BBC theme stuck in my brain while editing this chapter and I couldn't stop smiling imagining Leonard and Jim as Sherlock and John Watson lol


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When a fic starts to get closer to the end, the chapters always get heavier to write... Edited this big boi like five times now UGH send help

The day after they returned from Wellington, it was a past 11 AM and Leonard was still sleeping: he was so tired that he slept the whole night without having nightmares that could ruin that moment of peace. 

Jim was sitting on the couch with no intention of disturbing the doctor- and he was also busy with something: Leonard has left the empty cup of coffee he got at Wellington’s station there, on the armrest, and Jim spent hours staring at it… It was a normal plastic coffee cup, gray, with a theme of little black and golden marks on it, like sprinkles. 

_I might have stopped at that same bar to get one myself,_ Jim thought, staring at it, _Is it possible that I’ve already lost all the memories about Wellington?_

Leonard woke up a while later, yawning and sitting up, noticing the angel on the couch. “’Morning…” 

“Morning was a while ago,” Jim said turning to look at him, smiling at his messy hair. "I guess changing air really did good on you.”

“What time is it?” 

“Almost midday."

“Mh…” he murmured walking into the bathroom. 

Jim turned to the cup again while hearing the water running. _If that really was my apartment, even empty, I should have been able to remember something…_

“Any progress with that cup?” Leonard asked after a while, standing behind the couch.

“No... But I think I’ve used one of-“ Jim turned to answer, finding the man bare chest, a towel over his wet hair and shoulders. Jim’s ability to speak suddenly turned off. 

Leonard was looking at the cup, but then his eyes moved on him. “One of these cups?” He finished for him. 

“Y-yeah.” Jim said turning around again. Leonard used to get dressed quickly even before being aware of Jim’s presence, so he rarely saw him naked… Expect _that time_ with Sulu, but even then it has been such a strange experience- he wasn’t focused enough to notice Leonard’s perfect body, or how water could make his skin shine and look like Leonard was covered in stardust…

“You ok?” the doctor asked narrowing his eyebrows, staring down at him. 

“Yes.” Jim’s voice was a tad too high, so he cleared his throat trying to pull himself together. “I was just- the cup, yes. I was staring at the cup.” 

“Did it ring any bell?” 

“Not yet, but I’m sure I saw it before. Probably I got one at the station too... When I was still able to.” Jim said looking at it.

Leonard nodded slowly, “Alright… Well, take your time. You can stare at it as long as you like.” That said, he walked back to the bedroom to finish getting dressed. 

Jim breathed out, eyes staring at the floor, hoping that what he felt just then didn’t mean anything. It _could not_ mean anything… It was nothing.

* 

A few days later Leonard was, for once, entering the hospital without being hurt: crutch under his arm and a bag in hand, he proceeded to meet his colleagues and chat shortly with them, reassuring everyone about his wellbeing.

Jim was sitting on an abandoned wheelchair down the corridor, watching him while smiling slightly: Leonard would have never admitted it, but the little trip away from San Francisco really did miracles on his mood; the doctor was more relaxed, able to sleep without repeatedly waking up during the night, and Jim couldn’t be happier to see him making progress. 

Still smiling, he grabbed the cellphone from the pocket: no calls nor messages- and no warning, despite their stopover in Wellington. _Maybe Leonard is right. I didn’t want to be there, so it didn't count...?_ Jim wondered. 

When he saw Leonard enter the elevator, alone, he noticed the doctor looking at him, tilting his head, inviting him to follow before the doors closed. 

Curious, Jim did just that, appearing next to him in the cabin. “What is it?”

“I’m alone in here. I thought you could come with me.” 

“You know I can teleport...” 

"Yes, I just- feel bad watching you staying away when I’m with other people.” 

Jim smiled a bit. “I know my presence can be very distracting, so…” 

“Sometimes... I also wanted to tell you something.” 

“Now? It can’t wait for us to go home?” 

“I want to go back to Wellington one more time.”

Jim sighed, “Why I am not surprised?” 

“I can't stop thinking we've missed something.” 

“Bones, we tried and it didn’t work. There’s no point-“ Jim stopped as the elevator stopped and the doors opened. 

Leonard spared a brief look at him before stepping outside while few nurses entered the cabin. 

“There’s no need for you to go back. Just forget about Wellington, ok?” Jim murmured walking next to him before teleporting away. 

Leonard looked where the angel was just a second before and sighed, knocking on the door. 

“Come on in,” Christine said, sitting at her desk. Looking up, her face lightened up. “Bones! What are you doing here?” 

“Bringing your lunch.” He smiled showing the bag while entering her office. 

As the door closed, Jim turned around, standing in front of the windows, staring at the city. Looking at the entrance of the underground parking lot, he noticed a figure hiding behind a pillar, in the dark. “One stalker wasn’t enough?” Jim murmured teleporting there. 

Staying in the daylight, Jim scanned the area, unsure about proceeding into the darkness. There was no one hiding there. “I have a bad feeling about this…” he murmured looking around, jumping back when the figure reappeared deeper in the parking, almost hard to see. “Hey?” Jim called, but the figure didn’t move. _That doesn't look like a human_, he thought. “Can you hear me?” 

There was another moment of silence, then the parking seemed to get even darker, and then the whispers started.

Jim swallowed down the tension, standing still. “Whoever you are, I don’t really appreciate people- or angels spying on me. If you have something to say, we can talk.” He said, and the whispers suddenly stopped. “Or we can just- go part ways,” he added. 

“You want to talk to me?” the shadow finally asked; a male voice, sounding almost curious. 

“Yes,” Jim nodded. “Are you another guardian angel like me?”

The man laughed, a low, slow laugh. “There is something I want to tell you.” 

“Ok…?” 

“It doesn’t matter what you think…” he whispered, “You are definitely on the wrong side.” 

Confused, Jim wanted to respond, but suddenly the shadow launched itself towards him as full speed, making him jump and fall backward, covering his face with an arm. Scared, but unarmed, Jim slowly dared to look: the parking wasn’t so dark anymore, and there was no sign of the strange figure anywhere. “Ok… It was- nice to meet you.” Jim commented with a sarcasm, taking a deep breath to calm down. 

Wandering around the hospital for hours didn’t help to find more clues about that man, so Jim eventually gave up and teleported back to Leonard that was already at home. 

“There you are,” the doctor said, sitting in the kitchen while eating a salad. 

“Sorry. I was a bit busy.” 

“Did your boss called again?” 

“No. I was just- patrolling.” 

“Patrolling?” Leonard repeated, puzzled. 

“Yeah. I was- looking around for no particular reason.” Jim sighed sitting at the other side of the table with his cellphone in hand: he spent most of the _patrolling_ considering calling Nyota to tell her about the mysterious man he met, but, in the end, he didn’t.

Leonard nodded slowly. “I’ll pretend that makes sense,” he said finishing eating, watching him staring at the phone. “You didn’t get the last warning, didn’t you?” 

“What? No. Not yet.” Jim smiled putting the device away, noticing him still staring. “I just have a lot to think about. You know, after Wellington…” 

“I told you, we can go back there anytime. We should.” 

“I don’t think it will help.” 

“But you know that place…” 

“Yes, but I can’t remember why. It’s- frustrating.” 

Leonard kept quiet for a moment, and then said more calmly, “I won't force you to go if you don't want to, so… If you change your mind, just tell me, ok?” 

Jim nodded and they both stayed silent for a moment. “Maybe I-“ 

“There’s something I-“ Leonard started at the same time, and they looked at each other, laughing awkwardly. “Sorry. What you were saying?” 

“It’s nothing. What were _you_ saying?” 

“We can do this all day,” Leonard sighed. “You first, come on.” 

Jim smiled, and then tried again, “Maybe I shouldn’t focus on my past so much.” 

Leonard looked surprised, but only commented with a single “Oh.” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still mad no one told me that I was going to lose my memories, but… In the end, maybe they're not worth my last warning- or putting you in danger. You know, climbing bell towers and stuff.” He said with a little grin that the doctor weakly returned, and Jim noticed it. “You think I’m wrong?” He asked, almost ashamed.

“No. No, I… I think it's your decision.” 

Jim studied him, “And you also think I'm wrong?” 

“My opinion doesn’t matter.” 

“It matters to me.” 

Leonard seemed unable to look at Jim every time the angel talked so open-heartily. Thinking for a moment, he then said, “There's something I wanted to show you, but… I just realized that maybe I crossed the line and I did something I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t my call. It was stupid and-“ 

“Bones, breathe.” Jim laughed a bit, "And then tell me what you wanted to show me?"

Leonard took a deep breath to calm down. “To forget your memories or not, that’s your decision, but…” he stood up and moved to grab a notebook from the shelf before sitting down again, flipping the pages and pulling one out, leaving it on the table for him to read. “Let’s say I was doing this. Just in case you needed some help.” 

Jim stared down at the page: the name _Jim_ was written in the middle, with a few lines spreading from it, connecting to _born in Iowa_, and _lived in Wellington?_, or again _have a big brother_. Those were all the little information Jim told about himself since he and Leonard met. 

“I know I shouldn’t have, but when you were talking with your boss, Nyota, you said you were scared to forget everything, even your name, so I decided to write your memories down for you. Since you can't...” Leonard said, mortified as Jim looked so heartbroken. “I’m sorry! I thought- I can throw it away. I’ll throw it away right now-” 

“No- wait!” Jim moved forward to grab Leonard’s hand, but it just landed through it. Surprised that he actually forgot they couldn't touch, he was even more surprised that Leonard did not flinch away this time: Leonard’s hand was still there, on the paper. “You… Bones, I am supposed to take care of you, not the other way around,” he finally said after a moment. 

“I’m fine with taking care of each other.” Leonard murmured, staring at their hands _mixing_ together. “Maybe I can’t understand what you’re going through, but I know memories are important,” he continued, “and I think that you- especially you should cherish yours, but if you think it’s too painful, I’ll throw this away in a second.” That said he moved his hand away. 

Jim slowly did the same, staring at those fragments of his own life that, from what Spock and Nyota said, won’t make any difference in the future, but still… 

“You don’t have to decide now,” Leonard came to his help. “I can keep this somewhere- where you can see it anytime you want… Huh…” he turned around the apartment and then took the document, heading to the little laundry room on the right side of the bed. 

Jim followed, watching him use some tape to stick the page on the inside of the door.

“Here should do,” Leonard said, grabbing a pen to add _Kirk_ next to the name. “You don’t have problems with doors, so you can go in there and read it whenever you want.” 

Jim watched him closing the door and turning to him. “I don’t know what to say…” 

“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want you to forget yourself, nor-“ Leonard seemed surprised by his own words for a second, “nor the time we’ve spent together… And everything you’ve done for me.” 

Jim opened his mouth, but then closed again, speechless. 

“I mean, I- _we_ both have been through a lot in the past months… Honestly, I don’t think I would have made it without you." 

“Of course you would have,” despite how embarrassed he looked, Jim knew the good doctor really meant those words. “You underestimate yourself too much.” 

“I’m just being realistic…” 

“Me too.” Jim smiled a bit. “You were ready to climb a bell tower to help your guardian angel… I doubt many people would do that. Or _that_,” he added gesturing at the door. “You really are…” 

“Stupid?” Leonard laughed a bit. 

“Special,” Jim said without thinking, and the smile the doctor showed him sure didn’t make him regret it. “I’m just glad that you are the way you are. Really. Thank you for writing down my memories.” 

“It’s the least I can do.” Leonard nodded, just before the doorbell rang. “I bet that’s Christine. Her shift just ended…” He said looking at the clock while heading to the door. 

Jim was still smiling as he walked inside the laundry room: there was only a very little window high on the wall, but it provided enough light so that he could read the page. “I can’t believe he did this…” he murmured, feeling a strange warmth spreading into his chest- the same warmth he felt merging with Sulu’s body…

“Yes, it’s me… Do I know you?” 

Jim heard Leonard asking, but there was a smacking sound right after, and someone falling down. He ran out of the room and froze: the door was completely open and Leonard was lying on the living room's floor with a bleeding lip while a man was standing at his feet- a man Jim knew.

“Where’s the key?” The man was on his thirty, with short brown hair, and his voice sounded like a thunder in the apartment. He looked more than ready to punch the doctor again.

“What?” Leonard managed to say, staring at him in shock and confusion, passing a hand over the hurt corner of his mouth. “Who the hell are you?” 

It took the man no effort leaning down and grabbing Leonard by the shirt with one hand, pulling him slightly up from the floor, enough for a face to face chat. “I am the owner of the apartment you sneaked into, that’s who I am.” 

Leonard’s angry face dropped. 

“Careful of what you say next because there's a police officer’s word against yours,” the man hissed shaking him angrily with both hands now, and the doctor was smart enough to keep quiet. “I know you stole the key, so you better give it back, unless you want more troubles. Without involving the police: I’ll take care of you myself.” 

“I wasn’t-“

“**Where’s the key?**” The man screamed again. 

“On the- there, on the shelf, next to the door.” Leonard finally said, pointing at it. 

The man harshly dropped him, walking to retrieve his belongings. 

Leonard took the chance to look briefly at Jim, noticing the angel was as shocked as him. 

“Now, let me ask you something,” the man continued, turning to him again, “The officer told me you’re a well-known doctor, here in San Francisco, so why the fuck did you stole the key of someone else apartment? In Wellington?” 

“I- I was looking for a friend… I thought he lived there-“ 

“A friend?” he repeated coldly. “You mean _Jim Kirk_?” 

“Yes. I was told he-“ 

“Bullshit. You’re not a friend of him,” he cut him off. “If you were, you would have known he wasn’t there.” 

“I just-“ 

“And if you were really a friend, you would at least know his damn name!” He continued yelling, and the doctor just stared back. “You have no idea of who I am, don’t you? Your _friend_ never told you about me?” 

“N- no…” 

“No, because you’re just another of his buddies that’s looking for some easy cash. How much does he owe you?” 

“He doesn’t owe me anything. I just wanted to see him-“ 

“Well, you were looking in the wrong place!” The man roared. “He never told me about having a friend doctor. He never mentioned you at all, so what the hell do you want?!” 

Being a doctor, Leonard had often seen that kind of reaction: when people are sad or scared, or both, they switch to anger. That man wanted to yell, not listen, so he kept quiet. 

There was a moment of silence, then the man took a deep breath, but his voice didn’t sound more gentle, just colder. “I haven’t filed a lawsuit against you only because I don’t have time for that shit. If I see your face around that apartment again, I’ll break your other leg too, are we clear?” 

Leonard nodded slightly. “I’m sorry.” 

Something flashed into the man’s eyes, and that made Jim come back to his senses: as the man moved towards the doctor again, Jim stepped between them, “Stop it! That’s enough!” 

“Hey!” 

They all froze and looked at the door, where Diane Adams was standing, a baseball bat into her hands. 

“What is going on here?” She asked looking between them, “Leonard, are you ok?” 

“He is.” The man said, sending another murderous glare at the doctor before leaving. 

Diane stepped away, watching him until he disappeared downstairs. Only then she ran to help the doctor. “Are you alright? Do I have to call the police?” 

“No… No, I’m fine…” Leonard took a shaky breath in, sitting on the floor. 

“Wait here, I’ll get something for that cut. Where…?” 

“Towel. In the bathroom.” Leonard said gesturing at it and she nodded, leaving. He took the chance to look at his guardian angel that was now standing in the doorway. 

Jim kept looking down the corridor for a moment, then he turned, meeting Leonard’s confused glare. 

“Do you know that man?” Leonard whispered. 

Jim nodded sadly. “That was Sam. My brother.” 

When the situation calmed down, Leonard was sitting on the couch, pressing an ice bag on the left side of his face, the towel with few stains of blood on his lap. Diane kept staring worriedly at him, and then asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to call the police?”

“No. I told you, it was just a friendly fight.” 

“Didn’t seem very friendly to me,” she commented. 

"Let’s say that I've got what I deserved.” He said smiling weakly. “Anyway, thanks for the help.” 

“I didn’t do much… Aside from showing this off,” she sighed looking at the baseball bat. “You should consider getting one too. I never saw so many incidents happening so often here.” 

“Maybe I will.” Leonard sent a brief look past her, in the corridor outside the apartment, where Jim was standing, leaning against the wall, looking down. “Still, thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it." She nodded, both taking a deep breath. "I left Mikey alone, so I better go. Call if you need anything, ok? I left our number in the kitchen.” 

"Thanks," Leonard repeated watching her closing the door behind her. He waited for a while, but Jim didn’t come back. He stood with a groan, heading to open the door, but then noticed him appearing in the kitchen. “You ok?” 

“I should ask you that,” Jim said staring at his lip.

“I've got punched in the face before,” Leonard minimized sitting at the table, “but you just saw your brother for the first time since…” 

“Since my death. Yes, I know.” 

“Jim-“ 

“_What_?” he snapped. He couldn’t stop himself. 

Leonard held his nervous gaze with a neutral one. “Why are you so angry now?” 

“Because I told you that stopping in Wellington wasn’t a good idea. Because you almost got shot for the second time and- I should have just refused to follow you there!” 

“But you can’t do that.” 

“**I know.** That’s why it would be nice if you, for once, just for once, could listen to me! It was way easier when you couldn’t hear me at all!” Jim finished the rant walking back and forth in the living room.

“It was the right thing to do,” Leonard said after a while. 

“Are you sure about that?” 

“Yes, because I still think you don’t have to give up on your memories.” 

“If that means getting you hurt all the time, maybe I should!” Jim hated to admit it, but maybe now he could start to understand Nyota’s point of view. 

“No, you shouldn’t!” Leonard insisted. 

“Don’t you see what is happening? I’m the dead person here! You shouldn’t give a shit about me-!” 

“**But I do**!” Leonard yelled back, as much as angry, “I do care about you, and you can’t just… Don’t tell me that it’s not worth it, because it is. You are real. Dead or not, you are real to me.” He finished, lowering both his voice and his gaze.

Jim wanted to scream again, or cry, or both. He knew it was all wrong- he knew he should have left Leonard that day at the hospital, after the car accident, but he didn’t. He wanted to stay, and now he could only blame his selfish self for the consequences of that decision. “It’s all my fault. I knew this was all wrong..."

“It isn’t wrong.” 

“How can you tell? You know nothing about _this_, or about me-” 

“No, but I know that pushing away people that want to help you won’t make you feel any better!” Leonard interrupted. “Jim, I was doing the same thing with Hikaru, and you know how painful it was for both of us. He was there for me, but his words never really hit me- not until you showed up. Literally.” 

“It’s not the same thing.” 

“Maybe not, but I wanted to protect him so badly I didn’t realize he wanted to do the same for me! I didn’t even notice because I was terrified about asking for help…” Leonard could see the same sadness he was feeling in Jim's blue eyes. “Maybe your people are right, maybe memories aren’t important, and maybe staying with me after the accident was a bad idea, but there must be a reason if you didn’t listen to them, right?”

Jim’s chest clenched tightly at that. “I was just being selfish.” 

“How?" Leonard cried in resignation, "How were you selfish if all you're doing since day one is protect me?” 

“_Protect you?_ You keep getting hurt only because I don't want to leave!” 

“Then why don’t you? Why you don't want to leave?!” 

Jim was going to scream his answer but stopped just before it was too late, closing his mouth shut, feeling both angry and ashamed. Even more when Leonard blinked in confusion and tried to say something, but hesitated. _Fuck,_ Jim thought looking away. 

“Jim...”

That tone, that uncertainty in his voice, made Jim feel even worse. “I need to think.” 

“Wait, don't leave-“ Leonard stood to stop him- as if he could- but the angel was already gone.

It was night when Jim finally opened his eyes again, sitting under his favorite tree in the little park not too far from Leonard’s apartment. 

Sighing, he hugged his legs staring at the grass. For a brief second, he hoped to find Spock there with him, or even Nyota, but none of them showed up, making him wonder if they finally gave up on him- and that thought hurt even more. 

He kept thinking about Wellington as well, and how that little trip had brought his brother Sam straight to Leonard’s door… How the poor doctor got a punch in the face and accused of being a thief… 

Jim shook his head trying to push the guilt somewhere away from him. “There’s no way to make things right…” he murmured. 

“Oh, don’t be so sad, little one…”

Jim’s head jumped up but found no one. Unsure, he stood, scanning the path under the streetlamp’s lights… 

A low giggle, now closer, from behind. 

Jim turned around and stepped back, finding a shadowy figure leaning against the fence, in the darkness provided by the trees. “You again... Are you following me or something?” 

“Not really. I just like to watch when something interesting happens.” 

“And what’s interesting here?” 

Another soft laugh. “Lots of things.” 

Jim breathed nervously, “Look, I don’t know who you are-“ 

The shadow’s head flinched up. “Don't you want to know?” 

Jim shivered at that movement, like watching an animal picking up a particularly good scent. He didn’t answer. 

“I’m sure you already know who I am,” the man said. “You are having a rough time in this sad, dark world, aren’t you, Jim?” 

“How do you know-?” 

“I just do. Like your angels friends.” 

Jim looked down at his own feet: he was standing once again right in front of the darkness. “Yeah… ‘Guess demons are pretty good magicians too.” He said taking a step back, feeling safer into the light.

“That’s rude.” 

“You should have introduced yourself first,” Jim commented raising his eyebrows. 

“You are a very interesting being, you know?” The other laughed softly. “You can call me Nero.”

“So, why you keep following me? What do you want? My soul?” Jim cut short, but the silence that followed made his swallow. “Because that’s not gonna happen. You’re wasting your time here.” 

“Am I?” 

“Yes. I’m a guardian angel already, so-“ 

“Please, don’t make the same mistake others do, thinking of that as an insurance of some sort.” Nero sighed, “Angels aren’t untouchable. Especially when it’s a new, young soul still so confused about this whole new world.” 

“Well, some _souls_ can handle it better than others.” Jim stated, forcing himself not to step back again. 

“Mh. You sure are an example of that. I haven’t seen someone like you in a long time- and neither have the angels. You are trying so hard to make them fail...” 

“I’m not-” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I do approve it. They needed someone slapping the truth at their faces.” 

Jim frowned, unsure. “What you mean?” 

“Oh, you know what I mean.” The figure stood from the fence, moving closer. “They want to control the souls, to make them obey their orders… That doesn’t make them very much different from us, don't you think?” He continued, noticing Jim’s silence. “I knew you were not as stupid as they like to think…” 

“I’m not, that’s why I’m no buying your bullshits either,” Jim said. “Why should I even listen to you?” he murmured turning around to leave. 

“Because I’m your only chance to be free,” Nero said, and the other stopped. “We both know you are no angel, Jim. That is not the right place for you.” 

“And I’m sure you know where my place is?” 

“Of course: with your family.” 

Jim frowned, slowly turning around. 

“I am simply offering you the chance to stay with the people you love, and leave the ones holding you back.” Nero calmly said.

“For the modest price of my soul?” Jim scoffed.

“Please… I have no interest in getting those at the moment,” the other tiredly said. “I’m just looking for a valuable ally. You can take your time to consider my offer-” 

“Don’t bother. I’m not that desperate.” 

“Yet.” Nero giggled as Jim sent an angry glare at him. “Angels aren’t the only one watching you. No need to lie to me.” 

“I’m not-!” Jim tried to say, but Nero was already gone. “Damn it,” he yelled at no one. He knew he couldn’t trust that man- that _demon_, and still, some of those words hit deep. 

It was then that he felt Leonard’s heartbeat accelerating. Taking a deep breath, he teleported back, behind the doctor that was down on one knee in the living room. “Bones?” he called but got no answer. “Leonard?” he tried then, and still no answer. “Hello? Can you-“ Jim stopped, frozen in fear for a second, and then ran forward, kneeling next to him, “Bones!” 

“WOAH-!” The doctor jumped, falling on his butt. “You scared me!” 

“I was calling for you!” 

“You did?” 

“Yes! I thought you couldn’t-“ Jim swallowed down the fear building into his throat before it could turn into another scream. He just shook his head and sat on the floor passing both hands over his face. 

“Sorry,” Leonard said, understanding. “I can hear you, don’t worry. Loud and clear.” 

“What happened? I thought you were in trouble.” 

“Ah, no… I was just- trying to call you back.” 

“What?” 

“You knew I was scared right now, did you?” 

“Yes…?” 

“Then it worked.” Leonard smiled a bit, noticing him staring. “I was using this,” he explained pointing at the bullet hole in the wooden floor in front of them.

“Is that…?” 

“The bullet Brian fired at me.” Leonard nodded. “I forgot to take care of it, so… It’s still here.” 

Jim looked up at him in disbelief, “Are you- Bones, you don’t have to risk a panic attack to call me back!” 

“It wasn’t a panic attack.” He sighed standing up, carefully maneuvering the cast aside. 

“Don’t do it ever again!” 

“If you'd stop flying every time we talk, I wouldn't have done this.” Leonard shot back, watching the other stubbornly looking the other way. Little did the angel know that the doctor was as much as stubborn. “I’ve decided to look for your brother.” 

“**You what?**” Jim exploded jumping back on his feet.

“Sam Kirk, right? It can’t be that difficult to find. Always if that’s his real name... Or lie about your identity runs in the family?” 

“I've never lied-”

“Then why your brother was so angry about ?” 

“I don’t know! That’s how he always-“ Jim stopped, thinking. “I mean, my- my full name is James…”

Leonard took a long, deep breath, staring at him with a blank expression while crossing his arms. 

“He never calls me James, ok? We both have two names, but we never use them and go with nicknames. Sam’s first name is-“ he stopped again, trying to remember, wondering how much of his past he already lost without even realizing. 

Leonard noticed it and looked worried. “Do you-?” 

“George. Like- like my father's.” Jim breathed out in relief. “We rarely call each other like that. He hated James, so he changed it to Jim…" 

Leonard thought for a moment. "What's your first name?" 

Jim looked away, "Tiberius... And I have no problem remembering that, of course." He nervously said. Looking up, he found the doctor barely containing his laughter. "If you're going to make a funny comment about my name, I swear-" 

"I won't. Sorry. I won't," Leonard managed to say, trying to get serious again.

"You better. Anyway, you’re not going after my brother. Just forget about him.” 

“Mh-mh.” Leonard nodded heading to the laundry room. 

“Bones, I’m serious. I don’t want you to meet him again!” 

“Why not?” he asked opening the door and grabbing a pen, adding the new names to the other memories. 

“Because next time he won’t let you go away with just a punch.” 

“I can handle it.” 

“No, you can't! And that’s my family, ok?” Jim insisted, angry, making him look at him. “I don’t want you to meet him. End of the story.” 

Leonard held his gaze and then throw the pen on the bed saying, “He’s hurt, Jim. You saw it too. If you didn’t, then trust me on this one. He’s barely holding up.” 

“You don’t even know him...” 

“No, but I saw the same expression on Brian’s face when he tried to kill me.” 

It was Jim’s turn to look away, refusing to admit he was right. 

“Look, you can keep on hating me for trying to help you, but we both know I’ll keep doing it anyway,” Leonard said with a little shrug. “We can argue all night, or you can stop blaming yourself for everything that is bad in the world and accept my help. Whatever you choose, I’ll find your brother, with or without your help.” 

Jim didn’t want to give up, but his walls were starting to crumble. “Even if you do find him, what are you going to do then?”

“I’ll apologize first,” he said, sitting on the bed, “then- I don’t know. Maybe we’ll manage to talk, or I’ll go back home in a wheelchair.” 

“Bones, please…” Jim groaned sitting next to him, “He’s not like me… And I’m not that much of a saint either. Just let me handle this...” 

“How? We both know that you can’t do that. That's why I want to help.” Leonard said but, looking at him, he noticed how the angel was staring at the floor with a sad expression on his face. “Unless you can't bear staying with me anymore?”

“What? What you mean?” Jim asked looking back at him in confusion. 

“I mean that maybe _I am_ the one not worth all the troubles. Maybe there's a way to allow you to stay with your family.” 

Jim couldn’t stop thinking about what Nero told him just a moment before. “Even if there’s a way, the angels won’t tell me. Or they’ll try to stop me.”

“Then we’ll fight,” Leonard said, grinning as the other looked at him in disbelief. “I can buy an ouija board and summon my ancestors to help us out?” 

Jim’s eyes slowly filled with tears that he tried to cover laughing. “You've already come up with a whole plan…” he said trying to compose himself. Taking a deep breath, he looked up almost shyly, “Staying with my family would mean stop being your guardian angel, you know that?”

Leonard took a deep breath, nodding. “I know you need them- even just to say goodbye, and I'm the reason why you can't do that.” He met his gaze with a little smile, “You sacrificed your happiness for me already. You think I wouldn't do the same for you?” 

Jim smiled weakly. Suddenly it was hard to speak. “You’re not making it easier for me... ” 

“You shouldn’t have picked me when you became a guardian angel, then.” Leonard smiled looking down. 

“But I did…” Jim said, and their eyes meet again. “It had to be you.” He added, his voice getting lower. They kept staring at each other, and when Leonard was going to say something, Jim’s phone rang, making them both jump. “Sorry…” he murmured looking at the screen: it was Spock. He took a deep breath and closed the call. 

Leonard was studying him. “You didn’t answer?” 

“I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to him now… I’ll send him a message.” He said standing up, moving back to the living room.

The doctor started standing as well, “I think you should-“ 

“**JIM**.” Spock growled suddenly appearing in the kitchen, making them jump again, scaring Leonard so much he fell, sitting down on the bed again. “Why did you refuse my call?” 

“Ah- uh, I did? Sorry.” Jim said, watching Leonard quickly pretending to take care of his shoelace.

“You know very well that you did,” Spock said marching in front of him. “I gave you my trust. I tried all I could to help you and this is how you repay me?” 

“Spock, it was just a call-“ 

“I don’t mean the phone call, but your trip to Wellington.” 

Both Leonard and Jim froze for a second. “How do you know about that?” Jim asked. 

“You are not the one making questions. Why did you go there? _How_ did you manage to get both of you there?” Spock insisted.

Jim tried to think of a lie, but then saw past the angel, where Leonard was pointing at himself, nodding vigorously. He didn’t want to put the blame on him, but there was nothing else he could come up with fast enough: “Leonard had to see his family, and Wellington was on the road…” 

“So he casually decided to stop there?” 

“Maybe if I wasn’t losing my memories, I would have tried to stop him from visiting the city I used to live in.” Jim shot back. 

Spock’s eyes flashed at that. “So you remembered about it.” 

“I don’t. It was just a feeling... I got none of my memories back from that place.” Jim sighed.

“Then how can you explain the fact that your brother was here today?” 

Leonard was removing his watch very, very slowly, but stopped again, sending a worried look at his guardian angel. 

Jim knew the situation was spiraling from bad to worse. “The timing you guys have to spy on me…” He murmured shaking his head.

“Jim, this is a serious problem. You were supposed to stay away from anything and anyone-“ 

“Related to my past, yes, I know, but I can’t stop things from happening, Spock!” Jim yelled back. “I can’t stop Leonard from doing something stupid, and I can’t stop my brother from coming to visit either because I. AM. DEAD! I don’t have control over anything! All I can do is try to keep both me and Leonard sane, _at the same time_, while having only one warning left and angels ready to throw me in jail the second I make a mistake! If you’re here to fight, ok, let’s fight, so then I can have the fucking breakdown I deserve!” 

Leonard has stopped again, watching him in pure surprise, the faint of a grin on his lips. 

Spock, on the other hand, was staring at the angel dead serious. 

“Really, what do you want me to do?” Jim asked him, trying to calm down, “I didn’t call Sam to get here. I didn’t ask for any of this!” 

“Then how is _this_ happening? Because no matter how many chances we give you, somehow you keep doing the complete opposite of what should help keep you safe.” 

“Keep me safe? I’m dead!” 

“That doesn’t mean you are not in danger!” 

“I was never in danger! I’m just angry and tired of being fooled around!” 

“Fooled? Who has ever-“ 

“Oh please, don’t even make me start…” 

“If you’re talking about Nyota, she was only trying to help you.” 

“Yeah, no doubt.” 

“Maybe not in the way you wanted, but it was the only way she knows," Spock said. "Considering how things are going, maybe I should have listened to her more carefully.” 

Jim took a step back. “Are you serious? Now you agree with her?” 

“The situation is getting out of our control. We need to consider all the options and then-“ 

“You can’t take me away for no reason **again**! I still have a warning, _that’s_ the rules!” 

“Think of this as an emergency situation.” 

“What emergency? Angels unable to control humans?” Jim scoffed in disbelief.

“You still considering yourself as a human being is a large part of the problem, as we all told you. If you can’t change that-“ 

“He’s not leaving.” 

“I don’t have to change anything!” Jim yelled back.

“What are you saying will never allow you to progress in your passage!” Spock insisted.

“Hey.” 

“I have to wait one hundred years anyway, just add another two hundred.”

"That is not how our world works!" 

“Hey!” 

Jim stopped listening to Spock when he suddenly realized Leonard was standing in the kitchen, and he has been talking for a while now- staring at Spock with a cold glare. Jim’s eyes widened, _He’s not really doing what I think he’s doing…?_

“...to become one! You can’t change the rules as you like.” Spock was still saying. “If you think-“ 

“**HEY, beatle-hair.**” 

Spock suddenly stopped, frowning at Jim that was staring between him and the doctor. He slowly turned around. 

Crossing his arms, Leonard stared back at him. “Are you deaf or something?” 

None of the angels moved, both staring at the doctor with wide eyes. 

“First of all, this is my house, so if you’ve come here just to yell at my friend, you can spread your wings and leave,” Leonard said. “Second of all, Jim’s not going anywhere. He stays here. With me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If someone have something better than "pretty hair" for Spock, please let me know, because I couldn't come up with anything funnier... I am very disappointed in myself.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The world is going crazy recently. Be safe, everyone.

None of them actually realized, but they spent good five minutes in complete silence and stillness, with Spock standing there, immobile, eyes fixed on the doctor that was trying his best to hold his serious glare.

Jim was looking at them, not sure of what to do. “Uh… Spock?” He finally called, as gently as possible, but there was no answer.

As Jim slowly moved to stand next to Leonard, the doctor whispered, “D-did I broke him?”

“I guess you've surprised him…”

“He looks like he’s going to faint… Angels can’t have a heart attack, right?” Leonard asked, his cocky attitude fading as quickly as the staring standoff continued.

“I never asked about that.”

“Of course you didn’t…”

“Well, sorry, but I wasn’t expecting this to happen... Can you stop staring at him?” Jim tiredly asked.

Leonard slowly shook his head in no, “What if he's going to kill me the moment I look away?”

“He won’t. Just give us a moment, alright?”

“No, you heard him. If he's going to take you away-“

“Bones.” Jim interrupted, and the doctor finally looked at him. “Please.”

Leonard stared at him for a few seconds, then at Spock again and told him, “You better not try anything stupid, or I’m going to tell the entire world about this, got it?”

“Are you serious?” Jim sighed patiently.

“People believe any kind of crazy stories these days, so, I'm warning you.” Leonard finished pointing a finger at Spock before walking away.

Jim turned to the angel that was still keeping his eyes on the doctor, face unreadable. “Spock? You ok?” he asked, but there was no answer. “Spock?” he barely brushed a hand against his arm and the angel finally looked at him with wide eyes that were doing a bad job hiding anger.

“We need to talk,” Spock told him, voice low, barely containing his fury.

“I know, but can you- would you please calm down just a tiny bit?”

“Are you-!”

“HEY.” Leonard snapped, making them both turn to him. “What did I say about the yelling?”

“Bones, you’re not helping,” Jim cut short, wondering if Spock could actually kill them both- because he sure looked very inclined to do so. “Spock, you want an explanation, I know, you deserve one, but please, you need to calm down-”

“How did you-“ Spock started, then stopped and tried again, “I have to warn the others.”

“Please, listen-”

“This is not supposed to happen! This- this is…”

“It just happened,” Leonard said. “It’s not Jim’s fault.”

Spock stared at him with angry eyes before closing them, turning around.

“Spock, really, I’m sorry,” Jim said moving next to him, “but he’s not lying. I have no idea why or how this happened…”

“You keep it secret to all of us…” Spock flashed him with an even angrier glare. “For how long?”

“It started after Leonard’s accident… The car accident.”

Spock looked away again, shaking his head. “I have to take you away from here. We both have to leave. Now.” He said grabbing Jim’s arm, feeling him flinch at the unexpected contact.

“He did nothing wrong! I told you, it’s not his fault!” Leonard said stepping towards them again.

“I have to talk with Nyota about this… We need- we need to find a solution…” Spock kept saying to himself heading to the door.

Jim realized the angel was too shocked to even teleport away- probably couldn’t think straight at all. “We will. I’m not trying to escape-“

“Please,” Leonard insisted, sounding more desperate now, and Spock stopped. “All he has done until now was just helping me…” He saw Spock turning to look at him, still furious.

As they kept staring at each other, Jim took the chance to speak. “Remember the park down the street?” he asked Spock that looked back at him. “I’ll meet you there in a second, so we all can take a deep breath before talking this out. Sounds good?”

Spock kept staring for a moment, and then harshly let him go. “You better be there in five seconds,” and that said, he was gone.

Jim’s shoulders dropped and he turned to Leonard just in time to see him close his eyes and slowly fall on his knees, so he quickly moved closer. “Hey, what's wrong?”

“Nothing…” He murmured with a tense, weak smile. “Maybe- just a bit scared.”

Jim sighed kneeling in front of him. “Bones, that was… Couldn’t you come up with something less- impulsive?”

“Not at that moment.”

“Clearly. And now he knows that you can see me…”

“Good.”

Jim blinked in disbelief, “Good? This is not good at all!”

“It is. Now they’ll think twice before taking you away.” Leonard insisted, looking at him with a worried expression. “Jim, if the angels stop following their own rules...”

“He won’t. I don't think he's the type... This was just really, really unexpected for him.”

“I’m not saying they’re all bad people- I mean, bad angels,” Leonard sighed, “but between you and them, of course I’ll be on your side. Telling him the truth was the only way I could help…”

“You’re not supposed to help me at all,” Jim sighed, divided between being worried or grateful. He knew they made a terrible mistake getting so involved in each other… Still, a part of him just wanted to ignore Spock waiting for him at the park. He would have gladly stayed there, facing the fact that, no matter how much he tried not to, he has fallen in love with Leonard.

Leonard sighed before looking up at him. “I know this is hard for you, but you have to promise me you’ll try everything you can to convince him to let you stay.”

“That’s the plan.”

“I want you to promise me,” he insisted more seriously. “Promise me this isn’t a goodbye.”

“Of course it’s not. I’ll be back in no time, I promise.”

Leonard nodded but didn’t seem convinced. “The park down the street… The same park I use to go?” he asked, and the angel nodded. “Then tell your friend that I’ll join you if I don’t see you coming back in thirty minutes.”

Jim laughed.

“And that I’ll tell everything about him and the angels on the internet. I’m not joking,” the doctor continued.

“Alright, I’ll tell him,” Jim said staring caringly at him. “I never thought you would become such a bad guy…”

Leonard smiled tiredly, looking down again. “I’m just a doctor.”

“You’re way more than that,” Jim said, and they stared at each other until the angel forced himself to break eye contact. “I better go now.”

“Thirty minutes.”

Jim smiled and nodded before teleporting to the park: there were more people than usual, but he quickly found Spock standing in the fairest corner. Taking a deep breath, he walked towards him.

Spock turned around when the other was a few feet away. He looked still angry but trying his best to keep it under control. “I said five seconds.”

“Sorry. Leonard… He told me his conditions about this meeting,” Jim explained, watching him squinting his eyes. “He said that if I don’t go back in thirty minutes, he’ll come here himself.”

“You think I’m scared of him?”

“I don’t. He’s just-“

“He is confused, as he should be. Or else he would realize that his threats mean nothing to us.”

“He’s not threatening you. He- he’s just worried-”

“About you.” Spock hissed. “About losing something that doesn’t even exist in his world.”

“At least he never addressed me as a thing.” Jim shot back. Spock’s words hurt, but he held his gaze. “I was part of this world- I still do, for the people that remember me. That might mean nothing to you, but it does to me.”

“Clearly it means too much.”

“I get it that you’re angry, but are you really blaming me for this? It’s not like I’ve planned for him to see me and talk to me.”

“Didn’t you?”

Jim scoffed in disbelief, “I was with him in his hospital room after the accident and he just started talking to me. I have no idea how or why. I was as shocked as you are.”

“Not enough to tell us about it, obviously.”

“I wanted to! I tried to talk about it with Nyota but she was busy… That’s why I wanted to quit, but then I met you and we talked, and- and I changed my mind.”

Spock’s eyes lost their anger for a moment. “So it’s my fault…”

“It is not! It’s thanks to you if I managed to handle this mess. After that day things started to get better and-”

“Better? Jim, we are not human beings anymore, and that is why they are not allowed to see us!” Spock said stepping closer. “Do you have any idea of the consequences of your actions? For both of you?”

“I do! It wasn’t easy at first, but I told you, we managed to-“

“We cannot exist between you and Leonard!” Spock roared. “How can you even think something like that being possible?”

Jim felt like being repeatedly stabbed, unable to defend himself. “Because it is,” he stubbornly said. “We are good for each other. We- we helped each other.”

Spock’s expression hardened even more. “This is exactly why Nyota wanted to take you away from him.”

“Spock, please…”

“Do you understand what you’re saying? Do you really think this is for the best?”

“If it’s not, then why I didn’t get the last warning yet?!” Jim yelled back. “You all keep telling me how wrong my actions are, and how I am ruining Leonard’s life, then why I’m still here?!”

Spock kept quiet then, staring at him with angry eyes, but there was also a veil of sadness on his face.

“I really wanted to leave him that day, when I met you,” Jim continued after a moment, trying to calm down, “I was ready to quit because I knew I was making Leonard’s life miserable. I knew that but I decided to try one last time, and it was worth it. Being able to talk to him was… How would that make you feel?” he asked him with sad eyes, “Because I know you felt the exact same thing when he was talking to you, just now.”

Once again, Spock said nothing, but his eyes betrayed something Jim didn't miss.

“Yeah… That is why I didn’t tell anyone.” Jim nodded. “I’ve kept helping him as always, and then Wellington happened. I knew that place and he noticed it… That’s on me, but-“ He stopped as the other raised a hand to interrupt.

Spock kept his eyes closed for a while. When he opened them again, he looked- defeated. “There is a possibility that he will do what he said? Tell people about us?”

Jim sighed, “He won’t. He’s just worried you’re going to drag me away like Nyota did.”

“He saw her too?”

Jim gulped. “Only once. He pretended he couldn’t see her, so she doesn’t know.”

Spock took a deep breath and, after a long moment of silence said, “Jim, you know you can’t stay here. Not with a human able to communicate with you.”

“But I can still-“

“A happy afterlife until the day Doctor McCoy will die, is that what you’re after? Conditioning his whole existence because you can’t stand the loneliness?” Spock interrupted more coldly. “We both know his time will end way before yours, and you will have to stay here to fulfill your passage. What are you going to do then? Hope for another human that will be able to talk to you so you can ruin another life?”

“I’m not ruining his life! We just talk-“

“And that alone is already changing the doctor. His desire to help you, and how he defended you… You really think that is good for him?”

Those words hurt so much, it took Jim an incredible amount of strength to speak, “I thought it could be.”

Spock stared at him, then took a deep breath. “When the doctor spoke to me- when he was looking at me… Yes, I felt the same way you do,” he said, his voice calmer, “but it wasn’t just that. It was sad, and beyond painful as well because it took me so long to stop considering myself human and forget those feelings.”

Jim saw his eyes were wet, and he felt responsible for those tears.

“I need you to understand that what you see as a miracle, it will turn into a curse quicker than you can imagine. You have to stop thinking only with your heart and see the situation for what it is.”

Jim always knew that moment would have come, eventually… A part of him just wanted to ignore everything Spock said, but, because he cared so much about Leonard, he couldn’t do that. “So the only way to make things right is leaving him?”

Spock thought for a moment, then asked, “We discussed the possibility of you having unfinished business here. You think the doctor might help with it?”

“I- I don’t know…” Jim said, surprised. “You want him to help me?”

“I want you to be able to move on from your past as soon as possible, and if you think he can help without losing his mind…”

“Been there, done that,” Jim commented with a sad smile, lowering his gaze as the other looked ready to murder him. “I mean, no, he won’t.”

“Then, maybe this won’t turn to be just a terrible, unexplainable disaster.”

“And if he manages to help me, then what?”

“You will have to leave his world.”

“You just said-“

“I trust you enough to give you some time, Jim, but this situation can’t continue.” Spock stopped him. “We are not supposed to influence the life of the livings for multiple reasons, and one of those is to avoid feeling part of a world we don't belong to anymore. I don’t want you to feel that kind of pain again. I can’t-“ his voice faltered for a second, getting lower, “The pain will destroy you.”

“But..." Jim wanted to argue, but he knew it was a lost battle. "He’ll never forgive me if I leave just like that…”

“With time, he will. It is your duty to help him understand, and prepare for the moment of your departure.” Spock said, staring at him. “Leonard’s pain will be nothing compared to what you are going to feel losing him when his time will come.”

Jim wanted to scream at him that he was wrong and that he just couldn’t understand, but something stopped the rage he was feeling. “You really think that?”

“I do.”

“So you would do the same thing? Leaving a person you care about without second thoughts?”

Spock didn’t answer right away, but his eyes didn’t move from Jim’s. “I would fight to stay,” he then said, surprising him. “I’d do anything in my power to do so, and then I would accept the darkness waiting for me at the end.” He took a deep breath there, as if that confession has been a burden on his shoulders for a long time. “That’s why I can’t let you do it. I don’t want to see you go through all that pain, and if Leonard actually cares about you, he wouldn’t want that either.”

Jim didn’t say anything, lowering his gaze.

“I won’t tell anyone about you and doctor McCoy for now,” Spock continued, “and I will give you some time to find the closure you need regarding your past, but I want you to be ready for the moment you will have to leave him.”

“Can you be more specific? I have a year or five months, or…?”

“A week. I can’t give you more than that.”

“You really expect me to fix my past in a week?”

“You have a human helping you. I’m sure that will be enough.” Spock said. When the other didn’t comment, he added, “Jim, I… I wish I could help you, but I can’t this time.” He lowered his gaze before disappearing, leaving Jim alone with his thoughts.

“They are showing their true colors, aren’t they?”

Jim looked aside, not surprised to find Nero standing in the shadow of a large tree.

“Don’t tell me you really thought they cared about you?” He continued with that low, sluggish voice.

“You don’t have anything better to do than spy on me?” Jim asked back, but the other just smiled. “You know nothing, so why-?”

“I do know they want you to forget what it feels like to be human,” he said. “They want you to let go of your past because they know that is the right thing to do. Am I close?”

Jim just stared angrily at him but said nothing.

“You see, they like to make it look like everything is about you when in reality, all they care about is themselves. It’s nothing new to me, that’s why I’m trying to help you.”

“Help me?” Jim scoffed. “You really expect me to believe that you care more than they do?”

Nero grinned. “I never said that I care. I said that I can help.”

Jim didn’t move but felt the air around them getting heavier. He suddenly remembered Spock’s warnings about ‘something worse’ could have happened if he wasn’t careful… Jim was sure Nero would be included in that category. “I don’t need your help.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

Nero kept staring with a slight, creepy smile on his lips. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

Jim watched him disappear and the darkness reducing around the trees. It took him a moment to calm down and teleport back to Leonard’s apartment. Once there, he found the doctor sitting on the bed, fully dressed, bent forward to wear his shoe. “You weren’t joking about the thirty minutes…” he commented with a little smile.

Leonard’s head jumped up and he sighed in relief. “So? How did it go?”

“Well, he was shocked, and kind of scared,” Jim started, slowly sitting next to him, “but I think he took it better than I thought he would.”

“He didn’t kidnap you. That’s a good start.”

“Yeah… There is a reason why he didn’t, though. Aside from your threats.” Jim smiled weakly. “A few weeks ago I was talking with him about why it's so hard for me to let go of my past, and he told me that it might be because I have some kind of unfinished business…”

“Ok…?”

“He said I should try fixing those. Try to, at least.”

“So now he’s fine about us talking to each other?”

“He’s terrified about it, but, yeah… He gave me some more time to fix my problems. A week, to be specific.”

“A week?” Leonard echoed in surprise.

“He said it’ll be enough with your help.”

“Ok, but what if we don’t find anything?”

“Well, I…” Jim’s voice died there. He couldn’t even say it.

Leonard’s shoulder dropped. “You’re going to leave?” He asked, his voice lower.

“You know I don’t want to…” Jim felt each word too heavy to say aloud. “Maybe I wasn’t thinking straight when all this started…” 

“I doubt none of us could do that, considering the situation.” 

“That’s the problem. Maybe if I'd left before, we wouldn't have got this point... With you threatening angels." Jim said giving him a little, sad smile.

“You know I wouldn’t have made it out alive in the past months if it wasn't for you.” 

“Of course you would have. Everything you’ve done so far, it was all you. I mean, _you_ are the one helping me, now…” 

“Yes. And?” Leonard asked. “Trying to help you is such a bad thing to do?” 

That caught Jim almost off guard. “Looks like it is,” was all he managed to say, and the doctor looked down in silence. “It’s not just about you helping me,” Jim continued after a moment, “It’s about letting you live your life without me constantly being around... It's ok for now, but- it might become a problem in the long run. Spock is not wrong about that.” 

“I wouldn’t mind having you around forever.” 

Jim froze on the spot, eye wide in surprise as the moment of awkward silence continued.

“Sorry, I… Forget it.” Leonard eventually said standing up. 

“Bones-“ 

“I’m talking nonsense. I don’t know why I said that.” 

“I know why,” Jim said, watching him stop in the kitchen but not turning around. “It’s the same for me, but... We both knew this couldn’t last forever. We just- choose not to think about it.” 

“Can’t we keep doing that?” 

“Well, if you want to fight with Spock again…” Jim smiled but stopped as Leonard turned to him, looking so heartbroken.

“Jim, I-“ 

“Don’t.” He stopped him, maybe colder than he intended. “Please. Leaving you will be hard enough already. Don’t give me another reason to hate being dead.” He watched Leonard taking a deep breath, quickly brushing something away from his cheek. _I can't hear you say it. I just can't._

“Ok…” Leonard murmured trying to compose himself. “We have… We have a week to find your brother and solve whatever mystery you left behind, so let’s focus on that. I… I’ll try to contact a few people that might help us.”

Jim wanted to say something- there were so many things he wanted to say, but he didn’t, and Leonard was already on the phone, moving to the living room. All the two of them could do was continue to ignore the fact that they were in love with each other.

* 

Five days flew so fast Jim almost didn't notice, with him and Leonard barely talking to each other, forcing themselves not to talk about their feelings for each other.

Leonard spent most of the time on the phone or sending emails, but all his efforts didn’t take them anywhere. Jim tried to lighten the mood, but small talks just make it worse, so they both give up to the silence. 

The last thing Jim wanted was for that atmosphere to linger until the end of their last week together. Leaving would have been hard enough on its own, but being unable to even look at each other? Jim couldn’t stand the idea.

The fifth night, after Leonard went to bed, Jim sat in the dark living room, on the floor below the windows as he used to do a long time before. He slowly grabbed his phone, staring at Nyota’s name, wondering if maybe he should call and tell her everything… 

“Do you miss her?” 

Looking up, he found Spock sitting on the armrest of the couch, looking sadder than usual. “I do.” He nodded putting the phone away, “Even if she hates me, now…” 

“She doesn’t hate you,” Spock said. “Not being able to feel like you do, that is what she hates the most.” 

Jim sighed. “Isn’t the same for you?” 

“It is.” 

Once again, Jim felt guilty for the sadness on Spock’s face. “I know I shouldn’t talk to him- I should have left as soon as all this started, I get it, but that didn’t stop me from helping him.” 

“So you would let the livings be guided by the dead?” 

“Isn’t that what we do?” 

“It is not, and you know it,” Spock said, his voice colder now. “We can’t take the free will away from them. You did, and you saw what happened.” 

“I didn’t- he always had a choice. And don’t say that as if I asked for this. I have no idea how-“ 

“Still, you keep it secret long enough for you to start feeling alive again, as you always wanted, letting Leonard face the consequences of your actions.” 

The doctor turned into the bed and they both stopped, looking in his direction for a moment. When he continued sleeping, Jim looked at Spock again, “You really think that's the reason why I didn’t tell anyone about this? Because I wanted to- what? control him?” 

“I thought that was the case, yes,” Spock said staring straight into his eyes, “but now I fear there is another reason. Something that will hurt you even more.” 

Jim looked away in silence.

Spock stared at him for a while before saying, more calmly, “Leaving him is inevitable, Jim. I hope in two days you both will be ready to say goodbye.” 

“Didn’t you say you would have fought to stay?” Jim asked then. “What if I decide to do the same? What if I don’t care about what will happen next?” 

Spock’s shoulders raised and then lowered as if he needed to prepare to answer that question. “In that case, I would ask you if you are really caring about Leonard’s sake or just your own.” 

Jim felt that answer like a stab in the back.

“We don’t matter anymore, Jim. _They_ do,” Spock said looking at Leonard for a brief moment. “I do hope you still believe that,” he finished with a sad voice, disappearing a second later, leaving him alone in the darkness.

The morning after, Jim opened his eyes hearing a soft clanking sound; turning to the kitchen, he found Leonard making coffee. For a moment, he just stared at him through the spaces into the shelf, watching how messy his hair were on the back of his head… At that moment, he wished he could stand up and go hug him, being reassured that everything was going to be ok. 

Leonard turned around then, placing the sugar box on the table, and then met his eyes. “’Morning.” 

“’Morning.” Jim said standing up. 

“Why do you sleep on the floor most of the time?” 

“Ah, I don’t know… Not that a bed would make any difference.” Jim laughed a bit, and Leonard nodded in silence, looking back at the coffee machine. “I’m not even sure if I’m sleeping… I don’t think angels need to sleep.” 

“I see.” 

Jim sighed, hating the awkwardness growing between them again, but it was hard to complain when he himself was the cause of it. _We can barely look at each other… How am I going to say goodbye?_

“Still nothing,” Leonard said placing the phone on the table. “About you or your brother,” he added, sitting with his steamy cup. 

Jim just nodded doing the same, sitting on the other side. He noticed recently that Leonard used to leave that chair out, as an invitation. 

Leonard kept quiet for a while, sipping his coffee, then put the cup down and said, “I still think we should go back to Wellington.” 

“You promised to stay away from that place.” 

“Your bother clearly asked that police lady about me, so why I can’t do the same?” 

“Because you’re lucky you were not arrested that day.” Jim patiently said. “Going back to ask her about a dead person’s brother after breaking into their house it doesn’t sound like a good plan to me.” 

“Maybe, but it’s the only lead we have, and we’re running out of time.” Leonard murmured looking down.

Jim thought for a moment and then took the hardest decision of his _afterlife_. “Listen, if we don’t find anything…” 

“We will.” 

“Ok, but if we don’t-“ 

“I just have to-“ 

“Bones, I need you to listen.” Jim insisted firmly, and the doctor stopped, staring at him only for a second before looking down again. He knew what was coming. “We need to talk about it. I need to. I don’t want to leave knowing you’ll keep blaming yourself over nothing.” 

“It’s not about blaming myself. I just…” Leonard just shook his head, sounding so frustrated. 

“I know you want to help me- and you did. Trust me, you’ve helped me way more than you can imagine. I’m not sure I would have got this far if it wasn’t for this- _miracle_.” 

Leonard sighed, “Same goes for me…”

“That’s why I don't want for all this time we spent together to go to waste. If I leave in two days, I’ll be fine, you know I’ll be fine, but I want _you_ to be fine as well.”

“What you want me to do? Start a journey to find my inner self?” 

“Something easier. If you wake up in two days and I’m not here anymore, promise me you’ll stop searching for me or my brother. Promise me you won’t go back to Wellington threatening police officers,” Jim laughed a bit, a sad, little laugh. “Just keep going with your life, alright?” 

Leonard just shook his head again, “So Spock convinced you, in the end…” 

“This has nothing to do with him.” 

“I heard you two talking tonight.” 

Jim sighed, “You were awake…” 

“Of course I was. And I should have kicked him out when he started with that _you trying to control me_ crap…” 

“He… He’s not completely wrong about that.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“You would have never stopped in Wellington if it wasn’t for me. And maybe Brian wouldn’t have come here with a gun if he didn’t see you talking to an invisible person.” Jim said, feeling the weight of those words crashing his heart. 

“Exactly: _maybe_. None of us knows what could have happened. We just-“ 

“You shouldn’t have gone through all that in the first place.” Jim saw him trying to say something back, but then the doctor kept quiet. “Please, if you really want to help me, promise me you’ll be ok without me. Once I’m gone, promise me you’ll forget about all this.” 

“Jim…” 

“Promise me.” 

“I don’t want to forget.” Leonard almost whispered, looking down. 

Jim moved to grab his arm but his hand grasped nothing, making him feel even worse. “It’s ok if you do, but if you don’t... Just- don’t waste any more time on me. Can you promise me that?” 

Leonard took a deep breath and, eventually, nodded. 

Despite the pain, Jim felt relief as well. “Thanks. For everything, really.” 

“It’s not the time for goodbyes yet. We still have today and tomorrow. I’m not going to waste time crying.” Leonard said sniffing and blinking the tears away just when his phone started ringing and he grabbed it while moving standing up, “Hello?” 

Jim took a deep breath. Spock and his rules might be wrong on many things, but if he had to leave, he needed to know Leonard would have been ok. It was his only, little consolation. 

Something suddenly crashing on the floor made him flinch and look at the doctor that was standing in front of the bed, the coffee cup in pieces at his feet. “Bones?” he called, quickly reaching him, but the doctor was still holding the phone against his ear, staring in front of him with wide eyes. “You ok?” 

“Y-yes… No, it’s- can you send me everything? Ok… Thanks. Really, thank you.” Leonard ended the call but continued staring down at the screen. 

“What’s wrong?” Jim asked again. 

“Wait. Just- give me a second…” he whispered without looking at him. 

Confused, Jim waited, watching him staring intently at the phone until there was a notification sound. After a moment, he saw the doctor cover his mouth with a hand. “Ok, now you’re scaring me… Say something before I start panicking?” 

“It’s-“ Leonard took a deep, quick breath and looked up at him, “It’s you. I- I found you.” 

“Oh… You mean- my grave? They found out where I’ve been-“ 

“No! No, Jim, I found you- alive!” Leonard quickly interrupted. “They got your file from another hospital. You’re there right now.” 

Jim’s face slowly turned blank, as if he couldn’t understand the meaning of those words. 

Leonard seemed to notice because he smiled in disbelief and said, “Jim, I think you're not dead.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a deep breath, people

Leonard couldn’t stop smiling in awe but soon realized that his guardian angel wasn’t doing the same. “Jim? Did you hear what I said?”

Jim didn’t manage to answer, nor even nod, but yes, they both knew he heard him. Jim’s mind has just suddenly gone blank. 

Leonard sighed, “Don’t tell me that I broke you too?” 

“Huh…?” 

“Here, look,” he said showing him the phone. “This is you, right?” 

Jim looked at the screen: it was the picture of a blonde man, blue eyes, twenty-six years old, and the name was _James Tiberius Kirk_. Looking up again, he saw Leonard still waiting for a reaction, almost pleading him to confirm something Jim was having problem to elaborate. “No, that’s… It can’t be me.” 

“Come on, it is you,” the doctor said lowering the phone, “It’s you in the picture.” 

“It can’t be me.”

“How many James Tiberius Kirk that live in Iowa are there? That also look exactly like you?” 

“I don’t know, but that can’t be me. I’m here- I’m your guardian angel…” Jim was trying to ignore what Leonard was hinting at, but he was failing, fear slowly creeping on him. 

“I know, but… Maybe- somehow you’ve become one- not being dead?” 

"Then how…? No… No, this makes no sense.” 

“You saw the picture-“ 

“**That can’t be me!**” Jim yelled in anger, making him stop. “It can’t be…” he continued, not knowing what to think. 

“Listen, I know you’re confused, I am too, but this is a good thing.” 

“A good thing? This looks like a good thing to you??” 

“Yes, because if it’s true, you’re still alive! In this world, right now!” Leonard said moving closer. “Don’t you understand what that means?” 

_It means that I can stay. That I’ve never actually left,_ Jim thought, still too scared to consider the idea. “You saw Spock and Uhura,” he said instead. “We both saw them. They made me what I am now. If I’m not- if you’re right, then what… What am I?” 

“We’ll figure it out. Whoever those people are, angels or not, all I care right now is you, and I promise, we will fix this. Together, alright?” 

“How…?” Jim has never been so close to lay on the floor and cry. “How can we fix this?” 

“We’ll find a way. We always do.” Leonard firmly insisted. “First, we need all the information we can get... I’ll try asking for your personal files. I’ll check those and then check again. If this is all true, then- then we’ll decided what to do next.” He gave him a hopeful smile before moving to the laptop in the living room. 

Jim watched him in silence, feeling like he was standing still in the middle of a storm… Then, something slowly helped him hold his ground. 

“I don’t know how many files I can get, but I’m sure-“ Leonard looked back at him and stopped. 

Jim met his gaze and his voice was low and angry. “They lied to me. Whatever they are, they lied to me since the beginning.” 

“I know, and it’s not fair, but the last thing you need right now is making them your enemies.” 

“If they lied to me, they **are** my enemies!” 

“Yes, but- what I mean is, let me be absolutely sure about this before starting a war.” 

“You know you’re right.” Jim slowly said, angry and confused, eyes shining of tears. “If I’m not dead…” 

Leonard stood to move closer again but stopped as Jim shook his head, moving away while quickly passing both hands over his face. 

“I have to talk to them.” Jim then said, unable to look at him. “I can’t stay here and wait. I can’t.” 

“Ok, but-“ Leonard sighed as the angel disappeared a second later, “be careful.” 

Jim arrived in the park feeling like a bomb ready to explode. He told Leonard he needed to talk to the _angels_, but, in reality, he needed to leave before starting to scream at the poor doctor that was the only innocent in that crazy situation. 

“You all lied. All of you…” Jim murmured grabbing the phone to call Uhura, but stopped hearing a low giggle. Turning around, he watched the darkness forming under the trees, even during the day. Jim tried to ignore it, looking away, but he was so angry he couldn’t bring himself to make the call. The giggles continued until he turned again and screamed, “You lied too, didn’t you?! You knew I wasn’t dead!?” 

Nero’s silhouette slowly appeared in the shadows, but his face was impossible to see. “I had my doubts…” 

“Then why you never told me?!”

“As you said, you were not so desperate to ask for my help at the time.” 

“You son of-“ Jim moved towards the darkness but Spock suddenly appeared between them. 

“Get lost.” Spock told Nero. “This is not your place.” 

The demon giggled again. “Not even Jim’s, it seems,” he said before vanishing in the wind. 

Spock waited a second before turning around, “What did I tell you about being careful?! Do you know who that creature is?” 

“Yeah. A demon that I can trust more than you!” 

“What?” 

“After everything you told me... How could you lie to me like that?” 

“I don’t-“ 

“I’m not dead! You and Uhura were so busy that you both forgot about that?!” 

Spock’s eyes widened in surprise, and then confusion, “What are you talking about?” 

“Spock, I swear, I’m gonna punch you in the face if you-” 

“I have no idea-“ he tried to say, but the punch arrived as promised, sending him on the ground. He wasn’t bleeding, nor seemed bothered about it, but the surprise on his face just doubled. 

“I can’t touch humans but I can punch you, so don’t test my patience,” Jim warned him. “Did you all lie to me? Since the very beginning?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

“Oh really?” 

“Why- how did you get the idea that we lied about your death?” 

“Because Leonard found me! I’m in a hospital bed in Iowa right now!” Jim yelled. “You know what that means? It means my brain still works. It means NOT DEAD, and that means I shouldn’t be here! I don’t even know what am I anymore! Or what _you_ are!" 

“This is nonsense, you are dead,” Spock said standing up. “Why should we lie about it? Our job is-“ 

“Your job was telling me the truth!” 

“You really think I would lie to you about your own death?” 

“Then how do you explain those files? There’s pictures in there too- my picture!” Jim just wanted to scream and hate him, but he could see Spock was as much confused as he was. “My name, age… Everything fit my description! Do I have a secret twin brother my parents never told me about?” 

“No, you don’t.” 

“Then how do you explain this!?” 

“I can’t.” 

Jim stopped and then scoffed in disbelief. “_I can’t_? I’m telling you that I’m not dead, that Leonard can go see me right now if he wants to, and all you have to say is that you can’t explain none of this?” 

“There must be a mistake…” Spock was shaking his head as if trying to believe his own words. 

“There’s no damn mistake! The only mistake here was me believing that I could trust you!” 

“You can. I never lied to you.” 

“Yes you did! All of you!” 

“You can believe Leonard but not me?” 

“I saw the files-!” 

“And I watched you die on that street!” Spock yelled back, “I was there! I saw you take your last breath and there was nothing I could do to save you!” 

“You- what?” Jim blinked, taken aback. “Wait- what do you mean you were there?” He asked, his turn, now, to be confused. 

“I saw you coming to life into this world and you have no idea, not in the slightest, how painful it was to see you die and just had to accept it!” Spock continued. “If the miracle that happened between you and Leonard has happened to us, maybe I…” 

As he slowly stopped and stayed in silence, Jim's shoulders dropped. “You were my guardian angel…?”

“I didn’t lie to you. I never did. There must be a mistake.” 

“Spock-”

“If you were not dead, you wouldn’t have met Uhura! We would have never met either. None of this would have happened…” Spock said, barely holding on. 

Unable to react, Jim just stared at him. He knew Spock wasn’t lying, not about being his guardian, and that alone was hard to deal with. “Then they lied to both of us,” was all he managed to say in the end, and saw rage flashing on the angel’s face. “Spock, I just want the truth-“ he tried to say, but Spock was gone in a blink.

Jim stayed there, sitting on a bench, waiting, even knowing Spock wasn’t going to come back. Thinking about their last conversation, he couldn’t stop wondering if he always felt so different from other angels because he wasn’t dead? Or it was all just in his head and Leonard’s information were wrong?

Spock seemed convinced that was the case, but he looked so lost at the possibility that Jim wasn’t dead… 

Hearing whispers, Jim looked under the trees, where a familiar shadow was standing. “Really not in the mood right now…” he growled angrily. 

“Uh- sorry?”

Jim turned the other way, finding Leonard standing next to the bench. 

“I didn’t see you coming back, so…” he explained, but the other just looked down again. “Sorry, I- I’ll leave you alone.” 

“Stay.” Jim stopped him. “I wasn’t talking to you. You can stay.” 

Leonard nodded and sat down, placing the crutch next to him. “Who you were talking to?” 

Jim briefly looked back under the trees, but the shadow was gone. “I don’t know.” He said studying him, “Where are your headphones?” 

“Here,” he said moving the hand he was hiding into his jacket’s pocket. “I don’t really need it for now.” 

Jim realized only then that the park was empty, and the sky darker and cloudy. He couldn’t feel the cold, but he could see Leonard breathing into the collar of the jacket… It was a few weeks before Christmas, after all. “How long I’ve been gone?” 

“A few hours. That’s why I decided to come and check myself.” 

“Sorry.” 

“It’s alright, don’t worry.” Leonard reassured him, letting a moment pass in silence. “Did you talk with- _them_?” 

“Spock come to see me…” Jim started, but then decided to keep the last discovery about Spock to himself. “I told him what you’ve found and he said that it can’t be true.” Looking at him, he found Leonard just staring. “Are you sure that those reports are real? That I didn’t punch an angel in the face for nothing?” 

“You punched him?” Leonard asked, surprised, but the other just nodded sadly. “Well, unless three doctors at the St. Catherine hospital in Iowa decided to lie to me for no reason…” he continued, and Jim sighed, looking down again. “Still, that’s a good thing, right?” 

“What, that I’ve become- _whatever this is_ even if I’m not dead?” 

“No, I mean that you punched Spock for a good reason.” 

Jim looked at him and both laughed a bit. “I don’t know what is going on anymore…” he then sighed shaking his head, “If I’m not dead, then why I’m here? _How_ am I here? And if Spock and Uhura aren’t angels, then what are they?” 

“We’ll figure it out somehow. Have some faith.” Leonard told him, getting a sad look in return. “In me, I mean. I promised to help you, didn’t I?” 

Jim smiled a bit, watching him close himself better into the jacket. “Are you cold?” 

“A bit.” He laughed it off. “Why don’t we go back home so I can show you what I’ve found? Then we’ll think about what to do next?” 

Jim slowly nodded. “Ok.” 

Once back at home, Jim saw the computer left open on the kitchen table and he couldn’t stop a nervous sigh. 

“If you don’t want to read it now…” Leonard started, closing the door. 

“I want to. It’s just… It’s a bit scary, you know?” he said forcing out a tense smile. 

“That’s why I’m telling you to read it when you’re ready.” 

Jim took a deep breath and slowly approached the computer, starting to read a few sentences from the documents showed on the screen: his name, physical description, and status. “Would you- can you do a recap for me?” he asked then, stepping back again. 

“Sure,” Leonard said, sparing a look at the screen. “Those are mostly the information I told you before. I couldn’t ask them to give me all of your personal files, but Doctor Shaz- I’ve called him this morning, and he sent me a few of them. He told me you got into a car accident in September, getting a concussion that-“ 

“Make it short, please.” 

“You hit your head in the crash, badly,” Leonard said with a more worried voice. “You’ve been in a coma since then. Your family asked to transfer you back in Iowa a month later the accident.” 

“That’s why my apartment was empty…” Jim said sitting on his chair in front of the pc without looking at it. 

Leonard nodded, leaning more on the crutch. “I should have thought about doing some research…” 

“Why you should have? I told you I was dead. I believed that I was.” 

“Yes, but your brother even told me, that time, in your apartment. He said I was looking in the wrong place… I thought he meant your grave, not that you were alive.” Leonard sighed, shaking his head.

Jim smiled a bit at that detail that he missed completely. “Well, you couldn’t know.” He said and they stared at each other for a moment. “Bones, I do trust you, but are you _completely_ sure that that man is me?” 

“I am.” 

“That James Kirk in a coma, sleeping in a hospital bed in Iowa? That man is really me?” 

“Yes, it’s you.” Leonard gave him the slightest smile. “We can go check, if you want?” 

“No. No, we’re not going to.” Jim jumped up from the chair as if it burned. “_You_ are not going. You- you stay here and relax, and try not panic…” 

“Are you talking about me or yourself?” 

“Iowa doesn’t exist for you right now. Forget about it until I’ll understand what the hell is going on.” 

Leonard watched him walking back and forth for a minute, then said, “Jim-“ 

“No.” He instantly interrupted him, watching the doctor sighing patiently. “Sorry… Sorry, go on.” 

“I just wanted to ask if maybe you should try calling Spock again?” 

“Why? To hear more lies?” 

“They’re still our only lead to understand what happened to you,” Leonard said. “Yes, they could lie again, but you’re not forced to believe what they say.” 

“What’s the point, then? They lie, and I punch Spock again…”

“Maybe we can convince him to talk? I can still see him.”

“You’re not going to blackmail him for my sake.” Jim patiently stopped him.

“Just saying we have more options.” He shrugged leaning against the sofa. 

Jim stared at him for a moment, then sighed and asked, “This is probably crazier than anything you got through so far… How can you be so calm?” 

“I’m just trying to focus on more important things,” Leonard said with a little smile as the other tilted his head in confusion. “You’re alive. I don’t care who or what Spock is.” 

Jim wanted to say something, but how could he respond to that? Despite everything, he couldn’t believe Leonard’s silent love could affect him so much. “Maybe we should care… About Spock, I mean.” 

“Should we?”

“He’s… He said he was my guardian angel. From my birth to the day I died.” 

“O- ok. That was- unexpected,” Leonard commented, surprised. “And you’re sure- you don’t think he was lying?” 

“Not about that, no.” Jim said shaking his head. “He was as much shocked as we were about me not being dead... If he is lying, then he’s damn good at it.” 

“So you think Uhura lied to both of you?” 

“I don’t know… If they really are angels, they should’ve known I wasn’t dead, right? That I wasn’t supposed to be here. Not like this.” 

Leonard thought for a moment and then said, “So, we have two way to proceed: we talk with the angels again or we go to see you in person.” 

“I told you, we're not going to-“ 

“I know, but this is all we have.” He stopped him. “As you said, waiting won’t gave us any answer. And if we have only a few days left…” 

Jim kept looking down, wondering what would have happened going to see himself, laying in that hospital bed… 

“Hey,” Leonard gently called, moving closer. “I’m not going to leave you alone in this, ok? We stick together until the end.” 

“And what’s the end?” Jim murmured sadly. “Even if you find me- even if I’m there, I won’t be awake. I’m not. I might stay like this forever. What are you going to do then?” 

“Maybe you forgot, but _I am_ a doctor-” 

“So you can tell when there’s no hope for someone.” 

“You’re in a coma. That doesn’t mean-“ 

“Bones, I’m serious.” Jim stopped him. “Your promise still stands.” 

“No, it doesn’t. You’re alive- and you’re just a few states away from here." 

“Yes, but I don’t want you to go there hoping for something that it might not happen,” Jim said, frustration slipping into his angry voice. “You promised to move on with your life.” 

“Are you really saying that you being alive doesn’t mean anything?” 

“If I won’t wake up, it doesn’t,” Jim said, and Leonard looked so backstabbed he stood up to apologize, but the doctor stepped back, looking away. “If you really want to go see me, then go, but don’t expect another miracle. None of us should.” He said in the end.

Leonard kept quiet for a while, and then said, “You have to call Spock.” 

“I will.” He nodded, feeling responsible for how sad the doctor looked. “Bones, I’m-“ 

“Don’t.” Leonard stopped him, looking at him with angry eyes. “This thing between us, we... You know that I love you, and you want me to ignore it? Even now?” 

Those words turned into blade hitting straight into Jim’s heart, and the pain made him talk before he could stop, “We both know it’s not real.” 

Leonard stared at him in disbelief. “It is. **You** are real! How can you say none of this is real!?” He screamed, but Jim just looked down. Leonard turned around shaking his head, “Leave me alone.” 

If Jim thought nothing could hurt more, that was the final blow. 

“I said leave!” Leonard screamed again. 

Jim flinched and slowly stepped back, leaving the apartment before one of them could see the other crying. 

It was night when Jim opened his eyes over the dark corridor. He sat there for the rest of the day while Leonard stayed inside his apartment. Taking a deep breath, Jim slowly grabbed the phone, just to stare at it… Then, he felt a familiar shiver. 

Jumping on his feet in a second, he looked around for a moment before running back inside the apartment, finding Leonard sleeping in his bed, but the atmosphere was different now. Scanning the place, Jim froze noticing a dark shadow standing in the bathroom’s doorway. 

“So it’s him…” Nero whispered, his head slowly turning towards Leonard, “The special one.” 

“You stay away from him.” Jim warned slowly taking a step forward. 

“I was very curious to meet him in person. He got through hell because of you, without losing his mind. I am very impressed,” he said moving closer to the bed. 

“I said stay away from him.” 

Nero grinned, “Jealous of your toys, I see.” 

“He’s not-!” Jim stopped as the whole bedroom slowly started to get darker. 

“You know what people say… Sharing is caring,” Nero said hovering a hand above Leonard’s head. 

“No-!” Jim screamed running to stop him: the moment he grabbed Nero’s arm, his own hands started turning black. Nero turning to him with a creepy smile on his face was the last thing he saw before everything disappeared into the darkness. 

_“I’m not going to leave you…”_

It’s too late…

_“We stick together until the end.”_

I guess this is it… 

**Jim!**

* 

Jim opened his eyes with a gasp, finding himself back on the angel's spaceship, but everything looked like years has passed: the metal was ruined and rusty; there was dirt on the cracked floor, and cables hanging from the broken ceiling; the chair was laying on the floor.

Swallowing down the fear, Jim moved towards the window, watching dying planets setting a weak, dark-red light over everything. 

Jim stepped back and turned around. Patting over himself, he didn’t find the phone. “Spock?” He yelled at the room, “Uhura? Hey, what’s going on?” 

A low giggled make him stop, and he noticed the red light was slowly fading. 

“No… No, you can’t keep me here,” Jim said looking for Nero’s form in the darkest corners of the bridge. “I shouldn’t be here! I’m not leaving Leonard!” he insisted, but that didn’t stop the shadows from crawling all around him. Scared, he tripped on the stairs and fall down with a groan. Moving away, his back hit against the window, while the remains of the spaceship were ready to drag him away. 

_Jim_

He turned around, looking at the dying planets, noticing one little star shining in the distance. 

_Jim, please…_

In a splint of second, Jim was sitting in the familiar corridor outside Leonard’s apartment. Breathing fast, he quickly looked around but found no trace of Nero. He was back.

_Leonard called me back_, Jim corrected himself, relieved. Standing up, he ran back inside the apartment: everything was just as he left, and Leonard was sitting on the bed, staring at the phone into his hand. “Bones…” Jim sighed, moving closer. “Are you ok? I have no idea what just happened… It was crazy.” 

Leonard dropped the phone on the bed and stood up, heading to the kitchen, walking through Jim's form before the other could move away. 

Jim jumped and stepped aside, shivering. “You’re still mad, ok, but was that really necessary?” he snorted.

Leonard sat at the kitchen’s table, in front of his computer, but then kept staring outside the window. 

“Bones?” Jim called, but the man didn’t answer, nor turned around. “If this is another joke…” 

The phone rang and Leonard flinched a bit, standing with a sigh before going to answer. “Hello? Hey… Yeah, I’m ok. How about you?” 

Jim’s confused smile slowly faded. “Oh no…” 

“Yes, I know,” Leonard continued, sitting on the couch. “I just don’t feel like celebrating Christmas this year.” 

“Bones, hey?” Jim called again, sitting next to him. “Can you hear me?” 

Leonard sighed, nodding, “I don’t think I’d be able to dance with a crutch under my arm, man…” 

“BONES!” 

He smiled faintly, “Sure, if you want to see me breaking all your guest's feet…” 

Jim stared at him, shocked. “Why you can’t hear me anymore?” he asked. “How… How long I’ve been gone?” He made a run to the computer, checking the date: 21th of December. “A week? I’ve been gone for more than a week?” he murmured turning to Leonard that was still on the phone. “No… Please, not now…”

“Yes, I’ll let you know… Thanks. Bye.” Leonard finished and closed the call, staring at the phone for a while. 

“Bones, come on, you know I’m here- you know I would have never left without saying goodbye,” Jim said sitting next to him again. “I’m right here- you know I’m still here with you!” He watched the doctor place the phone down, and suddenly felt the deep sadness the man was feeling, mixed with guilt and regret. 

Taking a long breath, Leonard stood up and moved back to the computer. 

Jim stayed on the couch, angry like never before. “Damn it…” he murmured looking down, "**Damn it!**” 

Soon, Jim realized how painful it was going back to the one-side talks now that Leonard couldn’t see him nor hear him anymore. He spent half of the first day yelling and screaming, but the doctor kept minding his own business in silence, even his movements looking slower, and there was nothing Jim could do about it. 

That afternoon, Leonard left the apartment for a visit to the grocery store, but then stopped at the park for a while, sitting on the bench in front of the pond. 

“You know, I was thinking about this whole situation…” Jim was saying, sitting next to him, “I still don’t know if I’m an angel or not, but I do know that I’m alive. We both know that...” He sent a quick glance at the other. “I tried to prepare you for this moment… Maybe I should have prepared myself too.” 

Leonard sighed, looking at the sky. 

“I mean, I was ready to leave, but this… Things are back just as they were before and- this is worst and anything else. Way worse…” Jim’s little smile faded quickly. “I told you to forget about me- I want you to… I just wasn’t ready to stay here watching you doing it.” 

Leonard slowly grabbed the crutch, staring and holding it tightly before standing and walking away. 

Jim followed him home. He watched him close the door and drop the crutch on the floor while heading to the little laundry room. Moving closer, Jim’s heart broke as he saw the paper where Leonard wrote his memories was still attached to the back of the door. 

Leonard stared at it for a moment before taking it down. Keeping it into his hands, he sat on the bed. “You told me to move on,” he murmured sadly, “Jim, you make me promise…” 

Jim felt tears forming into his eyes, but all he could do was stare. 

“I’m trying, but… The last thing I told you was to leave, and if I lost you because of that…” 

“It’s not your fault,” Jim sighed sitting next to him. “I know you didn’t mean it.” 

Leonard kept staring at the writing on the document, the memories of someone else. “I’ve fallen in love with an angel and I can’t tell anyone… How crazy is that?” 

Jim felt that warmth again, spreading into his chest, along with deep pain. “Bones, I-“ 

The doorbell rang then, making them both flinch. 

Leonard folded the page and put it into his pocket, trying to pull himself together before going to open the door. 

Jim stayed on the bed, unable to move, unable to ignore his feelings anymore. He needed to tell Leonard that he loved him. He needed to tell him to go to Iowa and- 

He felt Leonard’s heart skip a bit and, turning around, the last thing he was expecting to see was Hikaru standing in the doorway. 

Leonard was staring at him with eyes wide open, blinking fast as if he wasn’t sure if it was real. 

“I told you I didn’t want to come back one day and find you in a hospital bed, didn’t I?” Hikaru said, sending a brief look at the cast.

“You’re a few months late for that…” Leonard said, trying- and failing- to smile. 

“Leonard, you just had to call-” Hikaru continued, but Leonard’s hug make him stop. Hearing him cry, he took a deep breath and held him tightly into his arms, hiding his face against him.

Jim stared at them until the pain was too much and he shut his eyes, teleporting outside, on top of the building. “That’s how things were supposed to go.” He told himself, feeling unstable on his own feet. “He’ll be fine. They’ll be fine together. That’s how…” his voice died there and he covered his eyes with both hands in the useless attempt to stop the tears, crying his heart out with no one able to hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not done with the next chapter, but I'm pretty sure it will be the last one.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think 8k words is a long chapter, this one was 13k before the editing....... Enjoy all the feels!

Stay in the same apartment with Leonard and Hikaru was out of the question, so Jim resolved camping outside, watching them through the windows, talking and smiling at each other… He could at least enjoy the silence, but couldn’t stop Leonard’s heartbeat from echoing into his mind, no matter what, and that alone was beyond painful.

At that point, Jim was just waiting- hoping for Spock to come and take him away, but two days passed, his time on Earth officially over, and still, no one showed up. After that, Jim moved on the roof of the building facing Leonard’s apartment and just sat there, tears ready to fall almost every time he got a glimpse of the doctor walking from a room to another.

Leonard and Hikaru didn’t leave the apartment for the next few days, spending Christmas at home, together, away from the rest of the world, and Jim couldn’t stop thinking he should have been there with Leonard, not Sulu. 

_I wasn’t ready to say goodbye_ Jim thought one night, eyes shining of tears. _I wasn’t ready to be forgotten._

He didn’t know if Leonard was feeling the same, or if he cared at all anymore… If he just did as Jim asked him and forgot about everything, moving on with his life… 

“I'm really dead to him, now.” Jim murmured before hiding his face down, between his arms, sitting there, alone in the dark.

Jim opened his eyes in the morning of the fourth day since Sulu came back, hearing Leonard’s heart beating faster than usual. 

Looking at the apartment, he found all the windows obscured by the same blinds Leonard rarely used to put down. “They’re not at home…?” Jim wondered, considering what to do for a moment before teleporting directly to the doctor, surprised to find himself in the middle of a busy street, with people rushing in every direction. Turning around, he realized it was the entrance of an airport. 

He noticed Leonard standing a few steps away, a large bag in hand. A moment later, Hikaru was reaching him wearing his pilot uniform. 

“Ready?” Sulu asked him with a smile.

Leonard took a deep breath and nodded, trying to smile as well, but it came out as a nervous one. “Yeah.” 

As they proceeded inside the airport, Jim stopped following them: he watched them leaving together, without looking back, and then he understood. 

Four days. It took Jim four days to give up. 

_“Welcome back.”_

In a blink, Jim was suddenly back in the park close to Leonard’s house, with Nero standing nearby. Everything around them was darker than usual, as if the light was slowly fading. 

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Nero said, “You’ve lasted way longer than I expected.” 

Jim just stared at him, too heartbroken to respond. 

“Spock didn’t warn you about how painful being forgotten would be? Poor little James...” 

“He did,” Jim murmured. “I just didn’t believe him.” 

Nero nodded slowly. “Well, you can believe me. _This_ won’t hurt that much. You’ll get used to it in a second, I promise.” 

“And then, what?” 

Nero grinned. “Then, you’ll be free.” 

Jim watched him disappear, as the darkness around himself keep closing in. “I just wanted to say goodbye…” he whispered, shutting his eyes at the memory of Leonard and Sulu walking away together. 

_“We don’t matter anymore, Jim. _They_ do. I do hope you still believe that.”_

Jim’s eyes opened as Spock’s words echoed back at him. Fighting back the sobs, he looked in front of him, finding thick darkness all around. “I do…” he murmured, sniffing to get his voice working again. "He was right..."

_It’s time, Jim_

“No, it’s not.” He answered as Nero’s whispers started. “I can’t leave… I have to stay with him.” 

_Just forget them all_

“No… No!” He screamed turning around to run from the darkness- and suddenly he stepped into daylight again.

“Wh- what?” Quickly looking around, Jim had no idea where he was: it was a city street- not as busy as the San Francisco airport, but… 

“I know this place,” Jim murmured, unsure. He then saw a taxi stopping on the other side of the road and Sulu stepping out- and Leonard right after him. 

“Are you sure about this?” Hikaru asked helping the doctor out the car. He wasn’t wearing the uniform anymore.

“Pretty sure,” Leonard nodded hopping outside, smiling as the other handed him the crutch. 

“Don’t thank me,” Hikaru preceded him, “There’s no need.” 

“It is thanks to you if I made it alive here.” 

“Now you know I wasn’t lying about being a good pilot.” 

“I never doubt that,” Leonard said with a caring smile. “I know this is crazy, but-“ 

“It’s not,” Hikaru said shaking his head. “I would do the same thing for you.” 

“Now you’re just trying to make me feel bad.” 

“Maybe,” Hikaru said as they both laughed a bit. “You did the right thing, I’m sure of it,” he continued, grabbing his hand, “and whatever happens, you know I’ll be here for you.” 

Leonard nodded and hugged him. “Thank you.” 

“Just try not to get your other leg broken. You’re just a few days away from taking the cast off.” Hikaru laughed. 

“I’ll try my best.” 

Jim has slowly approached them, confused by their chat- and even more confused when Sulu smiled one last time before moving back into the taxi and leaving. “Where is he going?” he asked looking at the doctor that was still waving a hand at the car. “Bones, what’s going on?”

Leonard took a deep breath and turned around, slowly walking away. 

“Why Sulu left? I thought you two were going to-“ Jim froze as they turned a corner and a large, white building appeared in front of them. A hospital. 

Leonard stopped before the entrance to use his phone. After waiting for a while, he straightened his posture. “Hi.” 

Samuel Kirk stared at him from the top of the stairs. “So you actually came.” 

“Sorry, I'm late. It took longer than I was hoping.” 

“I wasn't expecting to see you here at all... Not gonna lie, I thought you were joking. ” 

Leonard smiled a bit, shaking his head, "Not about this. No jokes." 

Sam took a deep breath. “So, it’s true? Everything you told me on the phone?” 

“It is.”

“And I should believe you because…?” 

“Because last time we talked, I had no idea it would be the last... After everything he has done for me, I owe him this much,” Leonard said, feeling each word heavy on his heart. “I do love your brother, I really do, and I'm here because I need to tell him as well, so, please… Let me see him.” 

Standing next to him, Jim opened his mouth but found nothing to say. He pressed his lips together and just stared caringly at the doctor, eyes shining of tears. 

Sam took a deep breath. “Come on,” he said leading the way inside the hospital. 

Leonard and Jim followed in silence, walking down the corridors until Sam stopped few steps away from an open door and turned to him, “You’re a doctor, so you know the situation…” 

“I do.” 

“Then why did you come here?” Sam asked, his stone-cold expression finally giving up. “He might not wake up for the next years…” 

“Or he could wake up tomorrow,” Leonard said with a little smile that seemed to breach into Sam’s heart. “Truth is, no one knows for sure. I just want to see him... I don’t know what I’ll do next, but that never stopped him, so… I guess I want to try doing the same.” 

Sam sighed, nodding weakly. “Sorry for the punch.” 

Leonard laughed a bit, “I deserved it,” he said, and Sam looked away, gesturing him to go. 

Jim watched the doctor taking a deep breath before stepping inside the room. Slowly, he followed, and they both stood next to each other past the doorway, watching Jim sleeping in the hospital bed, an oxygen mask over his face, laying immobile under the sheets. 

Leonard’s shoulders dropped as he slowly moved closer to bed. “I found you,” he murmured smiling a bit. “I really found you.” Gently grabbing his wrist, Leonard felt the heartbeat and started sobbing, “Oh, Jim…”

Standing at the bed’s feet, Jim flinched and grabbed his own arm. “I can feel it…” he said staring in surprise at the other, “I can feel you.” 

“You just have to wake up, now.” Leonard said crying, slowly moving a hand through Jim’s hair, “Please… You just have to wake up. I’m right here…” 

_Wake up_

Jim turned to the window, where the sunlight was getting stronger and stronger, “What is that?” 

_Wake up!_

“I know that voice…” Jim said looking at Leonard one more time before turning to the window again and the light suddenly grew like an explosion right in front of his eyes.

**WAKE UP!**

**. - * - .**

_“You can’t stay!” _

_“-let me help!” _

_“He's bleeding-!“ _

_“I’M NOT LEAVING HIM!” _

Jim’s eyes barely opened before closing again at the strong light that hit them as he gasped for air, coughing and feeling like he was going to vomit. A second later there were hands on his shoulders and screams all around that confused him even more- he couldn’t even tell if he was sitting or standing. 

_Please…_ he tried to say, feeling a strong pain somewhere from his back, _Please, stop…_

“-not! I can’t leave-!” 

He heard that pained cry and his eyes opened a bit again. He knew that voice- he couldn’t ignore it… He couldn’t… 

“Jim?” 

Slowly the screams faded into silence, and Jim realized then how fast and hard he was breathing, laying on a bed. Blinking a few times, he recognized Spock worried face staring down at him and his heart broke. “No… Why…?” he almost cried, trying to move away from his hands. “No, he found me... I wasn’t dead!” 

“Jim, please-“ 

“I shouldn’t be here- you know I shouldn’t be here!” 

“I need you to calm down-“ 

“He found me! You said he was lying- YOU SAID I WAS DEAD!” 

“**You are not dead!**” Spock suddenly roared, making him stop struggling. “Of course you are not dead,” he said more calmly, his hold on Jim's arms softening as his eyes betrayed both, sadness and relief. 

“Then- what am I?” Jim felt tears falling again. He was scared to know, now more than ever.

Spock studied him for a second before gently taking Jim’s head into both his hands, closing his eyes. 

Jim couldn’t stop shaking, the pain on his back strong enough to not allow him to move as fast he wanted to. 

When Spock’s eyes opened again, he sighed, keeping his hands over his blonde hair. “You are very much alive, but your mind has wandered too far and for too long. You need to come back to us, Captain.” 

Jim stared at him in pure confusion. “What…?” 

“Jim?” 

That voice caught his attention again, weak and scared, and he turned to the right, finding Christine and another nurse trying to hold back Leonard in the doorway of the room. The last time he saw the doctor he looked fine, but now- now Leonard looked as if he has gone through war: his hair all messy and dirty as much as his clothes that were also ripped here and there; there was a bruise over his cheek and few scratches next to his left eye; his right hand badly bandaged. 

Jim blinked, not sure if his eyes were betraying him. “What happened to you…?” he murmured, and then looked up at Spock in pure terror, “Why-? Spock, what happened to him? Why is he here?” 

“There is no other place for the doctor to be right now." 

“Is he dead? Leonard’s dead?!” Jim was going to lose it completely, but just then Spock was pushed away and suddenly Leonard was holding Jim’s face into his hands, making him jump a mile up in the sky in surprise. 

“Do I look like I’m dead to you?!” Leonard yelled back at him, “We’re both alive, you idiot! I don’t know what were you dreaming about, but that ends now, you hear me? You have to wake up!” 

Jim just stared at him, feeling Leonard’s hands warm against his cheeks. He slowly moved a hand over his, the slightest touch making his hand tremble. “But, we... We were at the hospital… My brother was…”

Leonard gently shook his head, now crying. “Jim, you… Do you remember Alyfes?” 

Jim blinked at the name, fragments of memories coming back to him: he and Spock talking while walking in a forest… A red sky, and tall, incredibly tall trees around them… 

“The planet…?” He murmured weakly. 

“The planet,” Leonard nodded in relief. “Do you remember anything else?” 

Jim looked at Spock standing next to them. “We were there…” he said and then gasped, suddenly sitting up despite the pain. As Leonard let him go, he grabbed his arm with both hands, staring at each other for a second before he finally looked around: the room was half-filled with people staring worriedly at him, all of them wearing blue or red uniforms… He knew all those people. That was his- 

Someone suddenly rushed at the entrance and he saw Uhura and Chekov coming to a halt as their eyes met. 

Blinking, Jim slowly looked back at Leonard, silently waiting, his eyes shining of tears. _My crew…_ Jim thought, as more memories continued fitting in place, _The Enterprise_. “It was just- it was all a dream?” he asked Spock. 

As the Vulcan smiled, sighing in relief, there was no need to answer. 

Jim looked back at Leonard, “I’m not dead?” 

“Not on my watch,” Leonard said dragging him into a hug. 

Jim flinched again at the touch but slowly started to feel as if a weight has been lifted from his heart and he started crying, moving both arms around him.

* 

Jim started to wake up with feeling a hand gently placing on his head. Blinking slowly, he found Christine staring a serious expression that turned into a smile when their eyes met.

“Slept well, Captain?” she asked. 

He nodded weakly. “Weird…” 

“What is?” 

“Your hair are longer…” 

“It’s been a few days since we talked, but I think they are still the same.” Christine smiled sitting on the chair next to the bed. “Are you still dreaming?” 

Jim frowned, but then remembered. “Bones was-“ he sat up with a gasp and a groan a pain, holding his side. “Bones was here, right? Where is he? Is he ok?” 

“He is alright. Captain, please,” 

“I was in a hospital… Where am I, now? Did I imagine everything? Did I-?” 

“I know you are very confused at the moment, and we’ll give you all the answers you need,” Christine said, holding his shoulder with a hand. “Spock was just waiting for you to wake up. He will explain everything to you.” 

Jim took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “Just tell me where Leonard is, please?” 

“He wanted to stay, but he needs to rest as well," Christine let him go, sighing patiently at his worried face. "He'll come to see you as soon as we'll get his results as well. For now, I’ll go tell Spock to come here and-“ 

“No,” Jim stopped her. “I need to see something, first.” 

Jim thought it would be ok to walk, but, once outside the little room, his mind was hit repeatedly by memories he knew were his- and they were real: the sickbay, where he found himself so many times; the white corridors illuminated by white lights hiding in the ceiling… He used to walk down those corridors every day, for years, and now… Now it felt like visiting a place from his childhood after a long time. 

“Most of the crew is off duty at the moment, since we stopped here for a while, now.” Christine informed him, “We reached the closest planet to seek help. Allies of the Federation, of course.” 

_The Federation… Starfleet,_ Jim thought, almost laughing, _I’m part of it… I’m a Captain._ He sighed grasping the yellow jacket Christine gave him, for him to just keep it over a blue shirt. He wasn’t ready for the whole uniform yet. 

As they entered the elevator, Christine studied him. “You really don’t remember us? Any of this?” 

“I do. It’s just… It feels like _this_ is a dream.” He smiled weakly, looking down.

Christine sighed. “They told us the poison was dangerous, but none of us would have expected something like this. Not even Doctor McCoy.” 

“I’ve been poisoned?” 

_“Jim, your neck- oh God- what the hell is it?!”_

Jim moved a hand to his neck by instinct. “Leonard was with me…” 

“He was. As always.” Christine said with a little smile, and the doors slid open. “I've warned Spock already. He'll be here in a second. You’ll be ok on your own, Captain?” 

“Yes… Thank you.” He watched her giving him another smile before leaving him alone on the Enterprise’s bridge.

There was no one there at the moment, but the consoles were all working, lights blinking all around him as constellations- as if those outside were not enough. 

Jim walked next to the chair, staring at it for a moment before looking outside the large window, where the deep space looked back at him. The stars were still shining, no sign of dying planets. Actually, there was one just down below, colored with shades of purple, blue, yellow and green. Nothing was dead there- everything was alive, James Kirk included. 

Jim would have started to cry if the elevator doors didn’t open again, making him take a deep breath to compose himself before turning around. 

Spock stopped a few steps away from him. “Captain. I hope you have rested well.” 

“Can you do me a favor?” he instantly asked. “Tell me you’re not an angel?” 

Spock blinked, puzzled. “I- am not. As you know. Based on the human general concept of the term-“ he stopped as Jim smiled and moved closer to hug him. 

Jim patted on his back before moving back, staring at him with a smile on his face. “You never disappoint me, Mr. Spock.” 

“Glad to be of service.” He said but slowly moved a hand over Jim’s, still on his shoulder. “It is good to have you back, Jim.” 

“Not sure about that, but I’m working on it,” Jim said letting him go. “I still don’t remember what happened during our last mission… Nor what was it about?” 

“We reached Alyfes, a planet not too far from here, and received a radio signal from the remains of the Emerald ship that crashed there years ago.” 

Jim nodded slowly, remembering more scenes from their last journey. “A Starfleet ship…” 

“Correct. The Emerald’s crew has never been found, so you insisted on checking for survivors on the planet.” 

“We found them? Did we land-?” More memories flashed in front of Jim's eyes, forcing him to close his eyes, putting a hand against his pained head. 

Spock held him and gently moved him to sit on the Captain’s chair. “Should I call the doctor?” 

“No…” 

“It could be safer to talk in the infirmary.” 

“It’s just a headache. Spock, answer me,” Jim sighed looking up at him, “We found someone?” and he prayed they did. He needed to know that whatever happened on Alyfes wasn't for nothing… 

“We didn’t,” Spock said, staring at him with a mildly worried glare. “We found the ship, with the remains of the crew still inside. None of them survived the crash. I presume the radio signal activated automatically, somehow, after the crash.” 

Jim’s shoulders dropped and he looked down, shaking his head. 

_“-and I'm afraid he’s right. They all died on the impact, Jim._

“Leonard was there too...” Jim said, remembering them finding the Emerald and checking the inside of the ship- the smell of wet dirt and water dripping somewhere. “He was there with me? With us?” 

“Yes. It was the three of us.” Spock nodded. 

“Then what happened?” Jim asked, worried. “Why we didn’t leave the planet after that? What- what did I do?” 

“Surprisingly enough, what happened it wasn’t your fault, as Doctor McCoy said multiple times,” Spock calmly started to explain, “We were ready to return on the ship, but a denuma attacked, dragged you deeper into the forest.” 

“A _what_?” 

“A creature similar to a wolf of Earth. I managed to go back on board, but as the denuma attacked, Doctor McCoy followed to help you. As you two moved into the forest, we realized that transportation wouldn't work there due to Alyfes’ mines: special crystals grow there, and they interfere with the signal. Any communication was impossible.” 

“I can barely remember any of that,” Jim sighed in frustration. “Still, you find us, right? We- wait… Christine said I was poisoned?” 

“Communicate with Doctor McCoy wasn’t easy, but he managed to tell us you got poisoned by an unknown plant after escaping the danuma," Spock nodded. "He also told us to keep the transportation ready and bring you back aboard as soon as the signal would allow it.” 

“So we escaped the wolf... And Bones was still with me?” 

“He’s the one that kept you alive for five days, Captain, until we managed to bring you both back on the Enterprise.” 

Jim opened his mouth but nothing came out. He closed it, tried to think, and then asked, “We've been stuck on that planet for five days?” 

“It was impossible to reach you and also too dangerous to send another team, so Sulu and I offered to go back on Alyfes to place devices around the mines to try to amplify the signal. It helped to communicate more easily with Doctor McCoy, but your location was still difficult to pinpoint.” 

“You and Sulu were talking via radio? All the time?” 

“We lost contact a few times, even for a whole day, but we managed to coordinate our efforts.” He nodded again.

Jim just stared at him. His mind couldn’t get over the fact he stayed unconscious for five days. And Leonard… 

“Jim?” Spock called, “You don’t remember anything after the attack?” 

He shook his head in no, but looked at him with heartbreaking eyes, “Leonard stayed on that planet and took care of me all the time? I was poisoned, how did he-?”

“You were dying. He told me on the third day.” Spock said, his voice lower and more serious. “I don’t know the details, but you two ended up deep down into the mines after the danuma attacked. He tried his best to keep you alive until we managed to save you both.” 

_I was dreaming of being his guardian angel when in reality he was the one protecting me_, Jim thought, feeling tears forming into his eyes. “That’s why he was in such a state? He spent five days in those mines, all by himself, because of me?” 

“He would have never left you behind. None of us did. We would have brought both of you back, one way or another." Spock looked down then, as if ashamed. "I… I am sorry it took us so long to help you both. I was not prepared for such a situation. I should have-” 

“You have nothing to apologize for. You were there to help me, Spock. I saw you.” Jim said. “The role of guardian angel fits you well, you know?” he added and started laughing as Spock just looked more and confused.

It was after their meeting that Jim was told it has been three days since he woke up, just to fall asleep again right away. 

“Doctor McCoy refused to leave before being sure you were just sleeping and not into a coma again,” Spock told him as they walked together to the Captain’s quarter.

"I was in a coma? That's why I couldn't wake up?" 

"According to Doctor McCoy's report," Spock nodded. "He also said it might be the wrong term for it, but the closest to fit the situation. I'm confident we will get more information from the sample of the poison he provided us." 

"He brought back a sample?" 

"Of course. He knew it would be essential to find a cure." 

Jim nodded slowly, keeping quiet until they reached his room. Once sure the Captain didn’t need any more assistance, Spock turned to leave. 

“Spock,” Jim stopped him, calling from the doorway. “Where’s Leonard right now? Still in sickbay?” 

“No, Doctor McCoy needed help we couldn’t provide onboard. Doctor Chapel insisted to send him on Aryan to be taken care of.” 

“Aryan...? So we're in the Arden System?” 

“Yes. We have been stationed here for a while, now.” 

“I thought he was alright?” 

“He is, but we lack the specific medication required for his wounds. They have plenty on Aryan, so I'm sure the Doctor will be back soon.” He said, watching the Captain nodding silently. “I will personally inform him that you are awake and well.” 

Jim smiled a bit. “Thank you.” 

Spock nodded before walking away. 

Closed the door, Jim looked around the room, that nostalgic feeling still lingering. Taking a deep breath, he moved to check the shelves filled with books; the notepad left on the table; the clothes into the wardrobe… He knew those things were real, and that belonged to him- still, he couldn’t stop thinking about the _dream world_ he left so abruptly. 

“I’m going crazy…” Jim sighed closing the wardrobe and moving to the window. He sat on the couch, head leaning on the soft pillow, and he stared at the stars until his eyes closed. 

“…you awake? Captain?” 

Jim’s eyes opened again and the first thing he saw was Uhura looking down at him. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked studying him with a worried glare. 

“Fine…” Jim said, as a smile suddenly grew on his lips. “You’re back!” he gasped sitting up to hug her. 

“That’s my line,” Uhura laughed returning the gesture. 

Jim moved back, his smile lessening as his memories forced the dream away. “Oh… Right. You’re right. Sorry.” 

Uhura looked curiously at him and hugged him again. “You make us all worry like crazy.” 

Jim sighed and moved an arm around her, still thinking about the _other_ Nyota he met in his dream. “You were still keeping an eye on me, weren't you?” 

“I was.” She nodded moving back. “You heard me? Through the radio?” 

“I think I did,” Jim nodded, starting to place the pieces together. “You and Spock were talking with Leonard while he was helping me...?” 

“Most of the time, yes. Sulu was on the line for a while as well, while Spock and I were trying to pinpoint your location.” 

_I could hear them all… That’s why they were part of my dream. I could hear them talking, and Leonard- well, Leonard was with me all the time..._

As Nyota grabbed his hand, Jim blinked away from his thoughts. 

“Spock told me you were having a very vivid dream?” 

“It still feels kind of real,” Jim nodded, strangely embarrassed. “You were in it as well. You are-” he stopped, and she raised her eyebrows, waiting. “You were my boss.” He finished, and both laughed. 

“I’m starting to like that dream,” she commented. 

“Yeah…” _It was nice, aside from the fact we were all dead…_

“But we needed our Captain back,” Nyota added, squeezing his hand a bit. “I’m glad you and Leonard are both alright.” 

“Has he come back aboard yet?” 

“If he did, he would be here already. I’ll try to contact him.” 

Jim nodded watching her leaving, the door sliding close behind her. “Not angels… We’re not angels.” Jim murmured to himself standing up, flinching at the pain from his back again. Walking into the bathroom, he lifted his shirt, standing in front of the mirror to check himself: bandages covered half of his torso, but he could see faint shades of red on them. _They look like slashes…_

He then heard footsteps approaching from outside, fast and heavy, followed by few voices. Pulling down the shirt, he moved to the door that was suddenly opened again. 

“-AND SHOULDN’T BE HERE! Who gave you the permission to leave sickbay, HUH?! Spock’s not your doctor! I am!” Leonard yelled at him without stopping, forcing Jim to walk backward until he fell, sitting back down on the couch. “I was away for ten hours, TEN HOURS, and you’re going around as if nothing happened?!” 

“I- I was just sleeping…” It was all Jim managed to say. 

“Doctor, please, your stitches-!” the nurse behind him insisted. 

“That can wait! I need to check on the Captain now!” 

“And I need to check on you!” 

“I don’t need to be checked!” 

“**Doctor McCoy**.” Christine intervened from the doorway, looking at him with a murderous glare, “Can I remind you there are patients still in recovery on this quarter?” 

“I know, that’s why-!“ 

“So you are also aware to be one of them, aren’t you?” she continued. 

“I’m not! I’m fine, I was just-“ 

“You need to rest just as much as our Captain. If you think I’ll let you stay here and yell like a madman-“ 

“He’s still my patient!” 

“You’re not the only doctor on this ship!” 

“Doctors, please…” the poor nurse tried to stop them, looking between the two. 

As they kept yelling, Jim sighed and slowly stood up, placing a hand on Leonard’s shoulder to stop him, but the contact still made him flinch. Watching his hand grasping the blue uniform, and being able to feel it… It wasn’t weird, but- it felt like it was something not supposed to happen. 

“- ok? Jim?” 

Looking up, he found all of them were staring at him. “Sorry- what?” 

“Are you in pain?” 

“No... No, I’m fine.” 

Leonard sighed, lowering his voice, turning fully to him, “You’re crying.” 

Jim was going to laugh and say that no, he wasn’t crying, but then realized tears were running down his face. “Oh… It’s not- I’m not in pain, really. I’m just- a mess.” He said trying to smile, quickly passing both hands over his face. Unable to look at them, he made a bee-line to the bathroom, leaving the door as closed as possible without locking himself in. _What is wrong with me?_ He shook his head holding on the sink, trying to compose himself. 

After a while, there was silence in the room.

Jim took a deep breath and slowly walked outside, finding Leonard sitting on the bed, head resting on his hands. Only then he noticed one of them completely bandaged- if not his whole arm. “See? All good.” 

Leonard’s head jumped up and he stood in a second, checking him up and down, looking incredibly pale and worried; the patches on his forehead and cheek standing out even more.

“Are _you_ ok?” Jim asked. “Spock told me what happened…” 

“Jim, just tell me if you’re hurt.” 

“I’m not. I’m fine.” 

“Then why you keep crying every time you see me?” 

“I’m not-!“ Jim blinked more tears down and he put both hands over his eyes with a growl of frustration. “I don’t know, ok? I don’t know why it happens.”

“Jim-“ 

“I’m fine!” 

“You’re clearly not fine! Just tell me what’s wrong!” 

Jim lowered his hands, staring at the floor. He was starting to understand why he was feeling like that… The same thing happened before- in his dream, when he couldn’t touch anyone... 

_When I couldn’t touch him_. Jim took a deep breath and looked up at him. “Look, I- I’m going to do something stupid now, but promise me you won’t freak out.”

“If you think I’ll let you leave this room-“ Leonard was interrupted when Jim marched forward to kiss him. 

Jim moved as close as possible, both hands moving through Leonard’s short hair, from the side to the back of his head as the kiss became more passionate. He has wanted to kiss him for so long… Dream or not, angels or human, he just needed that. That was all he wanted- all he needed to accept that as reality. 

“I know, it’s crazy,” Jim said when they parted, both gasping for air, “but you need to know that I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. I do love you, dream on not. This is real, and I couldn’t tell you then, so… I’m telling you now.” 

Leonard was staring at him with wide eyes, mouth still partly open, immobile into his hands. 

“I left you alone and you found me anyway. You didn’t give up on me, even if I told you to... I was there next to you all the time. I was begging you to find me… I love you. I love you so much and I am sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” 

Leonard kept staring, frowning in mild confusion. After a moment he asked, “You know this is not a dream anymore, do you?” 

“Yes. Yes, I... Alyfes- the mission gone wrong... And you saving my life. I know this is real.” Jim nodded, struggling trying not to mix the dream and reality together. 

“So you fall in love with me in that dream?” 

“Yes. No- I mean, I love you here too. Right now. I should’ve told you before all this happened..." 

"Maybe there's a reason why you didn't." 

"Because I'm an idiot?"

“That too, but also because I'm already married.” 

Jim froze. Not even blinking, he just stared at him. “What…?” 

Leonard took a deep breath and raised his left hand, showing the ring. 

Jim stared at it in pure shock. “What…? No… Married?” He slowly let him go. 

“And you’re married too.” 

“_WHAT?_ I’m not-!” 

Leonard grabbed his wrist and showed him. 

Jim stared at the ring on his own hand. He suddenly wanted to go back to the dream world. “No… I don’t- I can’t be married! This- this is a joke, isn’t it?” he asked stepping back. “You can’t be- you divorced!” 

“I did. Then I got married again.” 

“No… No, this is all wrong…” 

“Why?” 

“Because we love each other! I’d remember if I was married to someone!” Jim turned around to keep screaming but found Leonard staring at him with sad eyes- but it wasn't just that. Did he look- scared? 

Jim's anger slowly faded, as more memories came back to him. “Wait…” 

“It’s fine if you don’t remember. We- we’ll fix it.” 

“I am married," Jim's shoulders dropped, "to you…?” He saw him taking a deep breath, eyes shining of tears. “I’m married to you,” Jim almost sobbed quickly moving closer to keep him into his arms. 

“You’re just trying now, aren’t you?” 

“Bones, I remember. I remember everything..." 

"Sure you do..." 

"I remember you hated our wedding cake. I remember that stupid mirror we fought over…” 

After a moment, Leonard asked, “And who won it?” 

“You.” Jim breathed out in relief, shaking his head at how easily he forgot about his own life. “You still have it in your study, so you can see outside without turning around.” 

Leonard breathed out and finally hugged him back. “Jim, you scared the shit out of me, I swear…” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I didn’t know what to do-“ 

“I remember. I remember now, I’m sorry… OW!” Jim jumped when a punch hit him on his side. 

“I told you that stupid ship wasn’t worth it! I told you we could leave the moment we found it, but no, you had to jump on it because you have nothing better to do!” Leonard yelled angry, pushing him away. “And when we're finally ready to leave there’s a fucking wolf dragging you away!” 

“I _was_ trying to leave…” 

“We could have left that planet sooner, but you never listen to me! I’d better talk to the walls!” 

“Bones-“ 

“FIVE DAYS! I had to drag you around for five days while you were bleeding to death- and poisoned to death! We were so close to die down there, I still wonder if we actually managed to survive or not!” 

“Don’t say that.” Those words hurt Jim to the core, and he couldn’t stop himself. “Please-"

“The first thing you asked waking up was if **I** was dead!” 

“Yes, because that was the only explanation for us being together!” Jim yelled back. “I _was_ dead in the dream I was having during the coma! For me it lasted months! All I knew was that I was dead, and then I found you and I fall in love with you but never had the chance to tell you!” 

Leonard tried his best to calm down. “How-? So I was dead too?” 

"No. You- you were alive..." Jim looked down, embarrassed. “I was your guardian angel.” 

“My-“ Leonard stopped there, trying to elaborate on that sentence. 

“I don’t know why I dreamed that, it just happened. We didn’t even know each other- we couldn’t see each other nor talk, but then suddenly you could and everything changed, but then I lost you again-” 

“Ok, Jim, calm down-“ 

“It was all wrong and I didn’t know how to fix it! I thought that I'd lost you forever, and then you find me and I wanted to wake up- I did, and you were there but Spock was there too so I thought you were dead too-“ 

Leonard stepped closer and gently cupped Jim’s face into his hands. “Calm down. You’re going to hyperventilate.” He murmured keeping their faces close to each other.

“I can take it anymore. If this isn’t real, I can’t…” 

“It is.” He sighed, kissing him. “This is real, alright?” 

Jim relaxed a bit, staring at his lips, and then into his eyes. "We're married." 

"Lucky for you, we are." 

“And you saved me.” He continued, and that seemed to help Leonard relax as well, "You saved my life again." Jim smiled a bit before kissing him, slowly moving both to the bed, grabbing Leonard’s hands to make sure he wouldn’t have fallen on the mattress too harshly. 

“Your wounds need to heal…” Leonard managed to say laying on the bed. 

“They will.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“You always are,” Jim laughed softly against his neck, leaving kisses all over it while unbuttoning his uniform. He could remember the feeling now… He remembered everything and hated the dream that kept them apart for so long. As he moved both hands under Leonard's shirt, enjoying the warmth of the skin, he heard a sob forced down. Jim stopped and looked up, but Leonard was looking somewhere on the left, his eyes watery. “Hey, what's wrong?” he asked, confused, but got no answer. "Are you hurt? Am I hurting you somewhere?” He asked as gently as possible, now worried.

Leonard shook his head in no and covered his eyes with a hand. “I thought I’d lost you on that planet,” he said with a strained voice. “You almost died before they found us. I was serious before, I don’t even know how did I bring you back… If I had to see you die again…” 

Jim felt his heart hurt hearing that voice cracking with sadness. “But you did. Bones, you saved me.” He said moving to lay next to him, as close as possible, taking his other hand, placing it over his own heart. “See? You make this possible.” 

Leonard let a shattered breath out before uncovering his eyes, staring sadly at him. “I heard that thing stop for three seconds the first time. Then again, the second time. And four seconds the last time. If you ever dare to make a joke about it, I swear I'll file a divorce." 

Jim smiled a bit. He had to. He knew Leonard’s biggest fear was to lose him- to fail on him, especially after what happened with Khan. And yet, somehow, the doctor couldn’t keep in mind that he was the one that saved Jim's life. “You brought me back. You always bring me back.” 

Leonard’s breathing slowed down. “If you could stop trying to kill yourself all the time in the first place, that'd help.” 

Jim smiled a bit, laying on his side, still holding his hand. He studied Leonard's face, the scratches and little cuts on his face and neck, unable to imagine what the doctor has been through while trying to keep them both alive on an unknown planet. “Sorry for leaving you alone for so long.” 

_“You better be,”_ what was Jim was expecting as an answer, but Leonard just stared at him and sighed before saying, “I love you.” 

Jim smiled. “I love you too,” he said, and then there was nothing else that needed to be said. 

When Jim woke up hours later, he was laying on his stomach in bed, naked under the bed’s sheets, hugging the pillow. Lazily opening one eye, the first thing he saw was the silent and empty room almost completely in the dark. After a few seconds of spacing out, he suddenly jumped on his knees and turned around. 

Leonard’s head lifted from the pad he was reading, sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee, wearing only his boxers. “What?” He asked, ready to go full doctor on him. 

Jim’s shoulders dropped a bit. “Come here.” He sighed, raising an arm.

“Why?” the other asked, obeying nonetheless. “If something's wrong just tell me. I can-“ as he was at reach, Jim launched himself forward to hug him, almost making him fall forward. “Ugh- coffee- Jim, the coffee!” he cried trying not to splash it all over the bed. 

“Don’t care about the coffee...” 

“I do. I don’t want you to get burned too.” Leonard snorted, carefully sitting on the bed. After a while, he looked down, “How long are you planning to stay like this?” 

“Dunno,” Jim murmured happily keeping both arms around his torso. _That_ wasn’t a dream, and he couldn’t be happier. In the end, he let him go, watching him finally lower the coffee cup. 

“You’re smiling a lot,” Leonard commented. 

“You’re smiling too.” 

“I am.” He nodded calmly. “I missed your smile.” 

“Just my smile?” 

Leonard grinned. “I was trying to be romantic.” 

Jim smiled even more, gently scratching Leonard’s leg. “Why’re up already?” 

“Since the Captain was sleeping so peacefully, someone had to keep an eye on the ship.”

“Are you trying to take my place?” 

“No, there's Spock for that already. I was just checking your medical files,” he laughed a bit, gesturing at the pad, “and also thinking about the story you told me. Your dream… I still can’t believe it lasted months for you.” 

“I can't believe I dreamed about spending a Christmas on Earth,” Jim scoffed with sarcasm. "A pretty sad Christmas, that is." He added looking down. 

Leonard thought for a moment, “Me and Sulu, huh?” 

“Can you- can we not talk about that anymore? Ever?” 

“Sorry, but it’s just funny,” he laughed. 

“Well, it wasn’t for me. I really thought you two were going to leave together in the end. I was devastated, and sad, and hurt- and you’re still laughing…” 

“I’m sorry-“ 

“If you're going to joke about it in the future, I’m gonna kick you out of the ship.” 

“And leave me floating away in the deep space?” 

Jim sighed, but meeting his eyes, Leonard was smiling caringly. “It hurt, ok? Watching you two together and happy while I was- well, dead.” 

“And still you didn’t leave,” Leonard said placing the cup on the floor to check and fix the bandages around Jim’s torso, moving behind him. “We were very committed to your duty of guardian angel.” 

“I was committed to you.” Jim smiled feeling him stop for a second, knowing the doctor was blushing. “I couldn’t leave you, no matter how much tried. I knew it was wrong to stay, but I just couldn’t leave- ow.” 

“Sorry.” 

“When you couldn’t see me anymore, I thought it was the end, but you traveled all the way to Iowa to see me instead, and then… Then I woke up and you were there.” 

“And you thought we both were dead.” 

“Well, Spock was there too…” 

“I really can't imagine him as a guardian angel,” Leonard commented kneeling next to him. 

Jim smiled a bit. “I do.” 

“Mh.” It was all the doctor had to say about that. “Anyway, the dream is over and the Enterprise needs its Captain again. You should be fine a few days. The wounds on your back are healing well, just take it easy, alright?” 

“What about your leg?” 

“What about it?” Leonard asked looking down at it. 

Jim was confused for a second when he found no cast around it. Laughing, he shook his head, “Nevermind.” 

“You know, I think you’ll need more than a few days of recovery.” 

“Bones…” Jim groaned tiredly, but then Leonard was kissing him and he was more than fine with spending weeks doing just that. 

“One more thing,” Leonard said moving away, making him groan sadly. “You know Sulu is a member of the crew, right?” 

“I remember, yes…” 

“You think he should know about-?” 

“No,” was the instant reply.

Leonard almost laughed. “Are you sure? Because I don’t want you to start acting weird around him.” 

“I won’t.” 

“In the real world, he's our friend.” 

Jim tried his best to keep a blank expression. “Yes...” 

“Jim…” 

“I just need to get used to it again. It’ll be fine.” 

“He’s still your pilot.” 

“And I’m the Captain.” 

“Yes, you are, so, please, don’t give him hell for no reason?” 

“I wasn’t planning to.” 

“You sure?” 

“Do we have to keep talking about Sulu right now? I thought you had something else in your mind?” 

Leonard took a deep breath. “He and Spock and Uhura, all of them helped me while we were stranded on that planet. There was always one of them on the radio, all the time, even if I couldn’t respond. I just want you to know that is also thanks to them if we survived.” 

Jim nodded slowly, “I know. They helped me too. Spock and Uhura, I mean.” 

"Alright then," Leonard smiled and caressed his face, kissing him again. “Welcome back, Captain.”

**Epilogue**

A few days later, Jim was staring at his reflection in the mirror, checking his yellow uniform was straightened and clean. Taking a deep breath, he turned around to find a smiling Leonard watching him from the door. “What?”

“It still looks good on you.” 

“Thank you.” He grinned stopping in front of him. “I’ve missed seeing you in blue.” 

“Not sure if I believe you,” Leonard snorted. “You ready?” 

Jim nodded, “Ready,” and pressed the button to open the door. 

“You really are nervous,” Leonard commented as they walked down the corridor.

“No, I am not.” 

“Oh? My mistake.” 

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” 

“Having the chance to see you as if it’s your first day in command? You bet I am.” 

“You’re lucky I promised not to land on another planet for a week.” 

“A month.” 

Jim groaned as they stopped in front of the sickbay. 

“Now go and take us as far away as possible from this galaxy, if you don't mind.” Leonard smiled giving him a quick kiss before leaving. 

“Yes, sir,” Jim sighed waiting for the door to close before heading to the elevator. He has got back all his memories by then, still, being the Captain of a spaceship felt unreal in a remote part of his mind. 

As the turned the corner, he froze, noticing Sulu entering the elevator just then. They saw each other a few times already, in the past days, but Jim barely talked to the man. It was just so weird...

Sulu turned around and stopped before pushing the button. "Going to the bridge, Captain?" He called, giving him a curious smile. 

"Yes." Taking a deep breath, Jim forced himself to move and join him in the cabin. As the doors closed, they both stared in front of each other. 

"It's good to have you back with us, sir," Sulu said, giving him another friendly smile. 

"Thank you..." Jim nodded. "It's nice to see you all are well." He added, clearing his throat. He saw him nodding- and there Jim decided he needed to pull himself together and face the problem as maturely as possible. "Sulu." He called, turning to face him straight away. 

"Sir?" He asked, doing the same. 

"Nothing personal, but please stay away from my husband," Jim said, giving him his best ice-cold smile. 

Before Sulu could turn his confusion into words, the doors opened and Spock was already standing there. “Captain. We were waiting for you." 

"And our pilot," Jim said, gesturing Sulu to proceed- still with a lethal smile on his face, and the poor man could only nod, as Spock moved aside to let them in. 

“Everything's ready for our depart, Mr. Spock?” Jim said doing the same.

“Ready at your command, sir.” 

He nodded once, looking around, finding Nyota and other familiar faces smiling at him. Only then he realized how much he has missed his family.

Jim took a deep breath before finally sitting on his chair, caressing the armrests for a moment. “Well, we're in your hands, Mr. Sulu," he said and grinned as the man nodded, sending nervous glares behind himself. “It’s good to be back.” 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed the last plot twist lol This ending turned to be so sweet I was basically listening to Ed Sheeran on loop... Still, no regrets!  
If you made it this far, thank you for reading.  
Stay safe.


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